Is Marriage Still Holy?

This week I got a few people asking if marriage is sacred or not. They were asking if God still take marriage seriously like in the old times because time has changed and Today, marriage and the family are regularly viewed as social conventions that can be entered into and severed by the marital partners at will. It is true time and the people have changed but God has not changed and what he said before, he is still saying it. Hebrews 13:8. “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, and today, and forever.” By contrast, the Bible makes it clear that, at the root, marriage and the family are not human conventions based merely on a temporary consensus and time-honored tradition. Instead, Scripture teaches that family was God's idea and that marriage is a divine, not merely human, institution. The implication of this truth is significant indeed, for this means that humans are not free to renegotiate or redefine marriage and the family in any way they choose but that they are called to preserve and respect what has been divinely instituted. This is in keeping with Jesus' words, uttered when his contemporaries asked him about the permissibility of divorce: "What therefore God has joined together let not man separate" (Matthew 19:6). For this reason, marriage is far more than a human social contract; it is a divinely instituted covenant. In Reality, What Is Marriage? Marriage is a covenant, a sacred bond between a man and a woman instituted by and publicly entered into before God and normally consummated by sexual intercourse. God's plan for the marriage covenant involves at least the following five vital principles: (1) The permanence of marriage: Marriage is intended to be permanent, since it was established by God (Matthew 19:6; Mark 10:9). Marriage represents a serious commitment that should not be entered into lightly or unadvisedly. It involves a solemn promise or pledge, not merely to one's marriage partner, but before God. Divorce is not permitted except in a very limited number of biblically prescribed circumstances. (2) The sacredness of marriage: Marriage is not merely a human agreement between two consenting individuals (a "civil union"); it is a relationship before and under God (Genesis 2:22). Hence, a "same-sex marriage" is an oxymoron, a contradiction in terms. Since Scripture universally condemns homosexual relationships. God will never sanction a marital bond between two members of the same sex. (3) The intimacy of marriage: Marriage is the most intimate of all human relationships, uniting a man and a woman in a "one-flesh" union (Genesis 2:23 -25). Marriage involves "leaving" one's family of origin and "being united" to one's spouse, which signifies the establishment of a new family unit distinct from the two originating families. While "one flesh" suggests sexual intercourse and normally procreation, at its very heart the concept entails the establishment of a new kinship relationship between two previously unrelated individuals (and families) by the most intimate of human bonds. (4) The mutuality of marriage: Marriage is a relationship of free self-giving of one human being to another (Ephesians 5:25-30). The marriage partners are to be first and foremost concerned about the wellbeing of the other person and to be committed to each other in steadfast love and devotion. This involves the need for forgiveness and restoration of the relationship in the case of sin. Mutuality, however, does not mean sameness in role. Scripture is clear that wives are to submit to their husbands and to serve as their "suitable helpers," while husbands are to bear the ultimate responsibility for the marriage before God (Ephesians 5:22-24; Colossians 3:18; see also Genesis 2:18, 20). (5) The exclusiveness of marriage: Marriage is not only permanent, sacred, intimate, and mutual; it is also exclusive (Genesis 2:22-25; 1 Corinthians 7:2-5). This means that no other human relationship must interfere with the marriage commitment between husband and wife. For this reason, Jesus treated sexual immorality of a married person, including even a husband's lustful thoughts, with utmost seriousness (Matthew 5:28; 19:9). For the same reason, premarital sex is also illegitimate, since it violates the exclusive claims of one's future spouse. As the Song of Solomon makes it clear, only in the secure context of an exclusive marital bond can free and complete giving of oneself in marriage take place.

How We Keep Our Boat Afloat

Hello friends in Christ Jesus, as I and Ruth celebrate 29 years of our marriage, I would like to share a few principles that has helped us steer our marriage boat through the troubled waters of this world. Marriage is hard work and it calls for a lot of strength to make it work. Always remember marriage is the only institution you enter and never stop learning and never graduate until you die. Most of the time marriage fails because we fail to look at ourselves but focus more on what our spouses has failed to fulfill. The Scriptures says that the relationship with our spouse is to include love, respect, understanding, honor, harmony, sympathetic kindness, etc. (1 Peter 3:1-9; Ephesians 5:22-33; Colossians 3:18, 19). So before you focus on your spouse, are you loving, respectful, understanding, kind, sympathetic etc? Let us look at the principles; 1 Do not nag your spouse. A constant drip (or steam) of criticism and nagging of your spouse will certainly make for a miserable, tension filled marriage. It will grow contempt, anger, and resentment in both your hearts. A happy marriage is not filled with negativity. Criticism leads to contempt, and then to blaming the other for anything and everything. The next step is refusing to speak. Finally, there is misery – and the result maybe separation and divorce. 2 Always encourage your spouse. A happy marriage involves genuine encouragement and appreciation for your spouse. This principle of a happy marriage is the medicine to cure criticism and nagging. If you don’t feel like encouraging your spouse, start by just saying the words and putting a smile on your face. You will be amazed at the response, and after awhile it will become natural for you. 3 There must be enjoyment. The wise man said, “Rejoice in the wife of your youth” (Proverbs 5:18). This verse is in the context of sex, but you can enjoy your spouse in every way – just like they are. Your spouse is who they are, their personality is set. Do not try to remake or change your spouse into something other than what God has designed them to be. But do help them grow in their Christian faith and help them fulfill God’s purposes on their lives. Let God work in their lives, and give them freedom to grow in God’s timing and power. Whatever you do, don’t marry someone with the idea of changing them after you have married them. That will not make for a happy marriage. 4 Be a happy person. Ephesians 5:22-33 deals with Christian marriage. However, the passage starts in verse 18. There it says to be filled with the Holy Spirit, which results in a thankful, nice, happy, humble heart attitude. Being a sad and miserable person does not encourage a happy marriage. People don’t like to be around unhappy, negative, gripping people. Be a happy and kind person, pleasant in your attitude to them. 5 Love our spouse. Love your spouse, cherish, and respect them. Forgive them, and don’t hold resentment and grudges against them. Look for the good in your spouse, don’t focus on their faults. Look out for their best interests. Defend them. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 explains how to love. 6 Give your spouse attention. Notice and appreciate the little things your spouse does. Don’t be lost in your world and ignore them. It takes time and effort to develop a happy marriage. You must notice and take their interests into consideration. Paul wrote, “but the one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how he may please his wife, and his interests are divided” (1 Corinthians 7:33, 34). Someone once said “your wife’s heart is like a campfire. If you don’t tend to it regularly, it will go cold.” the wife should also do the same. 7 Always be courteous, kind and patient. Often when we are courting our spouse we are one type of person. We put our best foot forward, say kindly sweet things, and are patient and tolerant of things that may irritate. Sadly, when the honeymoon is over, we forget these characteristics. We think that now that we got them, we can act our own way. Irritation, indifference, impoliteness, and rudeness can become a way of life. A happy marriage is a courteous relationship. 8 Always include your spouse Include your spouse in your dreams and life. Don’t shut them out of your world. Genuinely be interested in their dreams, desires, goals, and life. Help them fulfill God’s design and purpose for their lives. Don’t mock or ridicule their hopes and dreams, but listen, share, and celebrate their world. Sometimes it is just a matter of sitting down and talking with and listening to each other – getting reacquainted. 9 Sex This is an important issue. Paul wrote, “But because of immoralities, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. Let the husband fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband…Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again lest Satan tempt you because of your lack of self-control” (1 Corinthians 7:2, 3, 5). Talk with each other on how to make the experience satisfactory for both. Husbands should not be selfish and think only of their own pleasure. Most of all, if you want to keep your marriage intact, don’t cheat on your spouse. That is sin. When cheating happens, trust leaves, and rarely does it return. 10 Always see that your spouse is important and special. Consider and treat your spouse as the most special and important person in your life. Some say that a person’s most important need is to feel special and important. Tell your spouse such, and by your actions demonstrate how important they are to you. Reassure them often. Treat your spouse the same way as when you were courting them. These are some of the things that have kept us afloat on the journey of marriage. I know you have wonderful and better marriages than mine but maybe to remind ourselves in this journey. May the good Lord bless you as you steer the marriage boat in the mighty name of Jesus. Be blessed. Your brother, Moses.