IT IS TIME TO PRAY

Friend in the institution of marriage, have you struggled to find happiness in your marriage? Perhaps it’s time you and your spouse invited God to direct your relationship. If you would like to do so, we encourage you to pray the following: "Dear God, thank you so much for bringing us together as a couple. We know that you have a plan and a purpose for our marriage, and we invite you, Lord Jesus, to forgive the past self-centeredness, and come into our lives and relationship. Direct our steps from now on. Please give us the grace to put You and each other first every day. Make our relationship a blessing to others. But most of all; make it a blessing to you. In Jesus’ name, Amen."

Wives

Wives, let us enjoy this new week as we practice our God given roles as wives. Wives must; •Submit to the leadership of your husband in the home. A husband is the head of the family, but you are a single unit. You have great input and influence in family decisions. Don’t be slow or timid to graciously give your opinions (Ephesians 5:31). •Respect your husband. A disrespectful wife will soon lose her husband, and gain his bitterness. Let humility be your beautiful garment. •Love your husbands (Titus 2:4). Care for them. Encourage and support them. Be faithful to them (cf. 1 Peter 3:1, 2). Help them succeed, because your success is tied to theirs. As Peter said, “let all be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit, not returning evil for evil, or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead” (1 Peter 3:8, 9). Be happy people in your Christian marriage.

HUSBANDS

Husbands, this new week let us think of our roles as husbands. Husbands as Christian, you must •Love her as you do your own body, and as Christ loves you (Ephesians 5:25, 28). Keep her best interests at heart always. •Cherish and nourish her, and help her to reach the full potential Christ has for her (Ephesians 5:29). This also means to support, take care of, and protect her. Treat her as special and important – the greatest gift you will ever have. •Live with her tenderly, gently, and faithfully. Avoid grudges and bitterness (Colossians 3:19). Give her great honor and understanding (1 Peter 3:7). •You are the head of the home, but if you are wise, you will listen very carefully to the wisdom God has given your wife. A good general always listens to his advisors. Remember, you and your wife are two sides of one union (1 Corinthians 11:11, 12). Be careful how you exercise authority. Just as a worker will quit a domineering boss, a wife will quit a domineering husband

Work To Bring Life Back In Your Marriage

In today's world it seems like there is never enough time in our day to accomplish everything that we would like to. Between the responsibilities that we have of raising a family, succeeding at work and keeping up with our own busy schedules, nurturing our marriage can easily move down on our list of priorities. Each Married Life live event is presented around one of the following Six Essentials of a Healthy Marriage. Trust God – We believe the number one essential is to allow God to control our lives and our marriages. Cultivate Communication – Feeling understood in your marriage is one of the greatest feelings a couple can have, yet feeling misunderstood can be one the greatest challenges in your marriage. We believe that good communication is a major component of a healthy marriage and we to help you to have great communication with your spouse. Nurture Romance – The power of romance and intimacy can be a marriages greatest ally or it can become its greatest enemy. We want to help couples recognize that we each have unique needs and remember that our spouse has unique needs as well. Celebrate Differences – God created men and women to be totally different. As couples we can use those differences to complement and serve each other or we can allow our difference to push us apart. We believe that couples should seek to understand, love and accept each other's differences. Hurry Home – Spend time together as a family is an important priority in a successful marriage. We believe that the grass is always greener where you water it so our schedules must reflect the priority of home. Finish Together – One essential that every healthy marriage needs is security. We believe that couples need to know that together we can work anything out.

Dealing With The Unlovable Husband For Married Women It is easy to live in harmony when your husband is treating you well. But what if he’s not? How do you treat your husband when he is unloving and moody? Listen to what Jesus says regarding difficult relationships: “Love your enemies. Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst. When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayers for that person… If someone takes unfair advantage of you, use the occasion to practice the servant life. No more tit-for-tat stuff. Live generously. “Here is a simple rule of thumb for your behavior. Ask yourself what you want people to do for you; then grab the initiative and do it for them! If you only love the lovable, do you expect a pat on the back? …I tell you, love your enemies. Help and give without expecting a return. You’ll never—I promise —regret it. Live out this God-created identity the way our Father lives toward us, generously and graciously, even when we’re at our worst. Our Father is kind; you be kind. “Don’t pick on people, jump on their failures, and criticize their faults— unless, of course, you want the same treatment. Don’t condemn those who are down; that hardness can boomerang. Be easy on people; you’ll find life a lot easier. Give away your life; you’ll find life given back, but not merely given back—given back with bonus and blessing. Giving, not getting, is the way. Generosity begets generosity.” (Luke 6:27-38, The Message) One way you can tell that you are walking in the Spirit in your marriage is to ask: Is my husband’s response my goal, or am I doing this to please the Lord? God will enable you to be compassionate to someone who doesn’t deserve it, just as He was and is to you. Ask yourself, “Why is my husband moody and sharp with me?” Often the answer is that you are simply catching the overflow of what happened to him at work, with his parents, or with some other problem. Is this fair? No, but life isn’t always fair. Consider other possibilities as well: Is he stressed about something in particular? Is he fatigued due to extra house he’s putting in at work? Is he going through a difficult time with someone? Ask God to give you understanding and patience during these times and continue to treat your husband lovingly, regardless of how he may be treating you. Don’t be so sensitive that you let your feelings and emotions be set by another’s treatment of you. Jesus didn’t do that. He continued to live His life with honor, dignity, love, and mercy through the most difficult times. Don’t be judgmental or unfriendly. Don’t allow yourself to be too easily wounded, crushed, or hurt. Guard against bitterness and being quick to forgive. Ask Jesus to help develop these attitudes in you when you face challenging times. Be a Blessing Your job is to bless (1 Peter 3:9, The Message). Put another way, it reads like this: Never return evil for evil or insult for insult—scolding, tongue-lashing, berating; but on the contrary blessing—praying for their welfare, happiness, and protection, and truly pitying and loving them. For know that to this you have been called, that you may yourselves inherit a blessing [from God]—obtain a blessing as heirs, bringing welfare and happiness and protection. (1 Peter 3:9, AMP) Holy, beautiful women never return harsh words, but instead give a blessing back! One way to do this is through prayer. Do you see that the blessed outcome of our unselfish prayer for our husbands’ welfare, happiness, and protection is that we inherit these things as well? Have you and your husband ever been in the following cycle? He raises his voice; you raise yours. He becomes louder; you retaliate. This is an endless cycle, but the dynamics of it can be broken quickly if you no longer react. You can choose to act instead in a manner the Bible says is right. Your consistent, sweet, silent response to poor behavior may be the very thing God uses to change your husband. Don’t give in to the urge to let your silence be cold and stony. When Jesus was oppressed and afflicted, He did not open His mouth (Isaiah 53:7; Matthew 26:63; Matthew 27:12-14, NASB). Mark says that Pilate was amazed at how Jesus stayed silent in the midst of the accusations that were swirling around Him. Only when He was placed under oath and asked whether He was the King of the Jews did He humbly reply, “Yes, it is as you say” (Mark 15:2). If your husband is short-tempered and impatient, try remaining silent in love. Stop participating in the vicious cycle of “he gets angry; I get angry.” Choose not to react during heated times. Wait until your husband has cooled down or is more rested before discussing things. Suppose you had two dogs. Let’s say one was red and the other blue. What would happen if you fed only the red dog and not the blue one? The red dog would become bigger and stronger while the blue one became weaker. Over time, Red would thrive, while Blue shriveled away. Every time you act in a loving way toward your husband, it’s as if you’re feeding the red dog and refusing to feed the blue one. The basic principle is simple: Feed Red, and starve Blue! Each time you do this, it becomes more and more a part of your natural response. What you’re doing is training your mind to think in a new way, and each successive attempt becomes easier. Begin now to pray that you will have the strength to do this, and begin praying scripturally and fervently for your husband. How to Pray Scripturally An example is given in Colossians of a powerful way to pray. You might consider praying for your husband in such a way. Pray that he will: be filled with the knowledge of God’s will, have spiritual wisdom and understanding, walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, living a life full of integrity, please the Lord in all respects and do those things that bring glory to God, bear fruit in every good work, increase in the knowledge of God, be strengthened with all power according to the Lord’s glorious might, attain steadfastness and patience, joyously give thanks to the Father, who has qualified us to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light. (Colossians 1:9-12)

The Three Callings Of A Husband For Married Men LOOK AT THE SCRIPTURE: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25). This message has been around for thousands of years, so it’s nothing new. But this passage, recited in most traditional wedding ceremonies, is lightly acknowledged by the participants, who have little understanding of its meaning or its application in their own marriages. The same Scripture passage says a couple of verses earlier, “The husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church” (v. 23). Sadly, however, too many of us deviate from the Writer’s script, instead allowing our culture’s ideas of what husbands and wives are to be to dictate our understanding of marriage. The result? Far too many marriages get off track. To understand and follow the script, we have to shut our ears, eyes, and minds to our culture and focus on God’s Word, something too few people are willing to do these days. Let’s face it: If you’re following Scripture, you’re going the opposite direction on a one-way street with everyone else honking their horns at you and questioning your sanity. But God’s Word tells us, “Don’t become so well adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out” (Romans 12:2, The Message). Now, let’s take a look at what the script says about what God calls husbands to do and be. 1 Called to Lead According to the word of God, a husband has three callings, the first of which is to be a leader, or “the head of the wife.” But what does that mean? It doesn’t mean control, passive non involvement, asserted superiority, or taking advantage. On the contrary, a husband must never use his role as leader for selfish benefit. To do so would deviate from the Writer and Director’s script. A husband must never put his wife into a straitjacket of compliance, or she will wither and her love for him will deaden. Even recent secular research has shown that what kills the love of a spouse for the other is in direct violation of Scripture —i.e., attempting to control our partner rather than serve them. The issue of the man’s leadership in the home has been a concern for years. Book after book has been written on this subject including Passive Men, Wild Women and Husbands Who won’t lead and Wives Who Won’t Follow. We’re talking about biblical headship —specifically the authority of the man to lead. But there are strings attached. Ephesians 5:22-23 states, “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.” This passage endows the authority of a husband’s headship, but it also defines and limits it. The analogy of Christ’s relationship to the church as a basis for the husband’s headship means that the only time he has the right to exercise family authority is when he does it in ways that are consistent with Christ’s nature and purpose. One powerful minister of God’s stated this well when he said, “Headship that transgresses the purposes of God loses God’s endorsement.” A man’s motives for leading a marriage spiritually can sometimes be mixed, but when he allows God to lead him and when his heart is open to God and His purposes, then his headship receives His support. So what does that kind of leadership look like in practical terms? The authority God gives men to lead is built on service. This is a difficult balancing and juggling act for many. The problem is not with the teaching, but with the man who misuses the teaching that he is to lead to serve his own needs and desires. Some men behave like drill sergeants, snapping out orders at their wives and children, which doesn’t reflect Scripture but their own selfishness and insecurity. The truth is, a husband is called to think of others—particularly his wife—first, ahead of himself. That’s not easy for many men. For one thing, the idea of being a servant leader runs counter to the thinking in our present-day “me” culture. But with some hard work and sacrifice, it can be done. I’ve seen both kinds of leadership. I’ve seen the self-appointed “dictators” who distort scriptural teaching for their own benefit. The result of this kind of leadership is that marriages and families suffer and fragment. But I’ve also observed men who are servant leaders, whose families flourished as a result. 2.AHusband is Called to Sacrificial Love God’s word also calls the husband to be not just a servant leader but also a lover, meaning that his headship of his family is not to exhibit dominating control but the sacrificial love of Jesus. And how did Christ love when He was on earth? He was single-minded in His mission of love as He spent time with the disciples and communicated with them, teaching them about forgiveness. He also led by example, helping strengthen the disciples where they were weak. He defended the disciples, praised them before the others, and revealed Himself to them. And why did Jesus do these things? It’s because He was concerned about the church’s well-being and future glory. That is how a husband is to love his wife. A husband represents Jesus in the home, and his role is to bring out God’s glory in his wife and lift her up —for her well-being. This is leadership that leaves a wife feeling special, valued, and loved. So how specifically can a husband do that? There are many ways, one of the most important being a husband’s putting his wife first over children, parents, siblings, work, TV, and hobbies. Doing this will strengthen a marriage. But conversely, not doing it will weaken the marriage. Another thing a loving husband can do is learn his wife’s “love language” —in other words, the ways she tends to best express and receive love from others —and package his love in a way that speaks to her and meets her needs. A husband is also to love his wife unconditionally, the same way God loves all of us. He is not to love her “because she…” but “regardless.” When a husband loves his wife sacrificially and unconditionally, then she more fully realizes God’s love and regard for her, and this in turn brings glory to Him. God expects us to care for one another. A husband who neglects or demeans his wife robs her of what God wants for her and robs himself of growth and development as well. Regarding couples caring for one another, because two people who marry are to be one, if either part damages, demoralizes, or degrades the other, then neither will be completely whole. Now a marriage with one side diminished will deprive both persons of fully being and doing what God desires. God has designed the similarities and differences of a man and woman in marriage to complement and support the spiritual growth of both. Neither part to the marriage can develop fully if either one is denied his or her personal potential. What an opportunity a husband has! It’s very much like Jesus’ redemptive work on behalf of the church in that a husband is not to live for himself, but should live to be used as a channel of God’s goodness in his wife’s life. He is to respond, react, speak, and think toward her in ways that enable her to develop who she is and to develop her gifts as a way to bring glory to God. An encouraging man does this. He’s a man who sincerely tells his wife, “I believe in you,” “Go for it,” and “How can I help you?” Called to Lead —and Love —Sacrificially A husband is to lead in his marriage by example and sacrificially, not by ordering or constantly instructing his wife. He is never, and I mean never, to tell his wife what the Scriptures say she is to do. Rather, his only focus is to be on loving his wife as Christ love the church —that is, sacrificially. In practical terms, this could mean, among other things, volunteering to bathe the children or massage his wife’s feet, turning off the football game and talking with her, or going shopping with her —even after he’s put in a twelve-hour day at work. Sacrificial love involves participating in something that is important or a favorite of hers, even if it’s relatively unimportant to you or definitely not one of you favorites. It may mean doing any of the following (although it’s not limited to any or all of these, and you can think of many more): • Initiating prayer with her without concern that your prayers may be briefer and more bottom-line than hers. • Learning to say these three phrases: “You were right,” “I was wrong,” and “I am sorry.” • Calling her with any delay of plans. • Practicing Proverbs 31:28-29 (praising her) consistently. • Accepting her communication style and opinions as different from yours, and not necessarily wrong. • Accepting her femaleness and celebrating the differences that come form it. • Asking for her opinion. • Discovering the uniqueness of her personality in order to understand her and communicate better. • Asking what television show or movie she would like to watch. Before we move on, ask yourself which of these you did these past weeks. Then ask yourself which of these you will do during the coming weeks. 3. Called to Lead by Learning. In most happy marriages, a husband must Accept his Wife’s Influence. It has been found out that men who enjoyed the most stable, happy marriages were also likely ones who listened to their wives’ suggestions and concerns and followed them. These were men who were willing to learn, change, and grow. I have found that to be true in my own marriage. Over the years, I have learned that my wife is innately gifted with knowledge, insights, and abilities I don’t have. That is probably why the apostle Peter wrote, “[Husbands,] live with your wives in an understanding way … and show them respect” (1 Peter 3:7, NCV), which very simply means that husbands are called on to understand their wives —how they think, how they respond emotionally, and what they need to feel loved and fulfilled in a marriage. I don’t know how many times I’ve heard men say, “I just don’t understand my wife.” My response to that is simply: You can learn! We men can be much worse than lacking in our knowledge of the opposite sex; we can be downright clueless! There is much each and every husband has to learn when it comes to loving their wives. But we can learn, and not only that, we need to learn. It’s not that difficult, either. It’s a matter of taking the time to be a student, a learner, first. So how can you learn? First, when your wife talks to you, be a listener before you’re a fixer. We men tend to want to rush ahead and “fix situations out wives talk to us about when most of the time, our wives just want us to listen to how they feel about their situation. For that reason, we should take the time to ask our wives, “Is this a fix-it time or learning time?” It goes against the grain of most men to hear this, but I have learned that listening is often one of the best ways to fix things. Second, be honest with your wife. Don’t hide. Share your hurts, your fears, your concerns, your disappointments, your life. Believe me, this will draw the two of you closer than you can imagine. And when you’re vulnerable, you’re leading in love, and she’ll want to follow. Your marriage needs to be re-created daily … The culture’s alternatives to marriage are destructive; God’s plan is flawless …The benefits of marriage are a carefully guarded secret … and “Me” or “We?”

Knowing What The Bible Teaches About The Gift Of Marriage

Knowing What the Bible Teaches About The Gift Of Marriage The traditional marriage relationship is so similar to God's loving relationship with His people that He used it to illustrate His covenant with His people in the Old Testament and Christ's love for His church in the New Testament. The only true and acceptable definition of human marriage is the union of one man with one woman in a lifelong bond of love, respect and companionship. Whether or not earthly societies create laws to define it any differently does not change the meaning of Christian marriage. The 'world' may call these other unions what they want but it does not alter the unalterable fact that God created husband-wife marriage as He created it! Let's look at what the Bible says about marriage. 1. What is Christian Marriage? Christian marriage is a relationship between (one man with one woman) that was created from the beginning as described in Genesis 2:18 "And the Lord said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a companion who will help him ..." 2:22 "Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib and brought her to Adam" 2:24 "For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined (cleaved) to his wife and the two are united into one" Genesis 2:24 is repeated in the New Testament in Mark 10:6-9 and Ephesians 5:31-32. In the latter case, Paul is comparing the marriage of man and woman to the relationship of Christ and His church - a great mystery - one that while on earth we cannot fully understand. When something is repeated three times in Scripture, God means for us to take notice ... it is important to Him and for us to understand this importance! Marriage was God's idea from the very beginning and was reinforced in the time of Jesus. Marriage is a solemn act and a sacred relationship not to be entered into lightly Christian marriage is more than a 'civil ceremony' and it is more than a 'legal entity' although any marriage carries with it both civil and legal responsibilities. At Marriage Restoration Network Uganda Three we believe that Jesus Christ must be made central in any marriage for it to succeed. With Christ truly at the center, a marriage cannot fail. Marriage is a covenant and not a contract which means there are no hidden terms, no loop holes. In God's design, the marriage covenant is a lifelong covenant broken only by death. In the fallen world that we live in, worldly pressures have degraded the covenant aspect of marriage to a loose contract that implies 'if you do this, I will do that' and 'if you don't do this, I won't do that' and the 'contact' is void. Marriage is a triangle. It is worth keeping in mind when you are thinking about your marriage based on Christ's centrality. For a man or woman to have a good relationship with his or her spouse must have a good relationship with Jesus Christ. Remember what the Bible says in Colossians 3:17 “And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus.” And verse 23 continues to say, “And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto man.” So when we keep God as part of the contract, it will hard for us to break it. But when we keep him out of our marriage we become valunable to breaking it and going against God’s word. For us to live to enjoy our marriage and to abide by the covenant we make, we must keep God’s principles about marriage for He is the author of marriage. Remember he made marriage for our happiness. Besides the obvious reason of procreation, husband-wife marriage was established because God didn't want His created human beings to be alone. Even though we are blessed with family and friends, God created us to desire an intimate relationship with another human being. His plan is that this lifelong, intimate relationship be fulfilled in the husband-wife marriage covenant. Other deep, lifelong relationships between people are certainly in God's plan, but not for 'intimate' union. "And the LORD said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a companion." Genesis 2:18 "For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined (cleaved) to his wife and the two are united into one." Genesis 2:24 If a man and a woman are married to each other and want to fulfill their vows as God intended, these vows must have been made in His presence (in a solemnized Christian marriage ceremony), must have been made by free will, and must have been based on each person's belief in Jesus Christ as their Savior and Lord. Here are a few Biblical principles for a Christian Marriage your marriage must be an example to all your friends of what a good marriage should be but are you both drawing closer to each other as you journey through life or are you being drawn apart by the world? Here are some things that the Bible has to say about marriage, a happy, strong marriage! Genesis 2:24 "For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined (cleaved) to his wife and the two are united into one." The husband must LEAVE his parents and CLEAVE to his wife - not cleave to his parents and leave his wife. This leaving and cleaving is so important - a husband cannot live for his parents and his wife. Once he has chosen to marry, his wife is to be the most important human being in his life - above parents, above siblings, above children! Yes, above children. Joshua 24:15"... choose today whom you will serve ... But as for me and my family, we will serve the Lord." Sometimes this is hard to do when we feel we have to serve 'the boss', serve the church, serve the school and serve the community. Read Matthew 6:33 and ponder on this Scripture that says” But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you." Serving the church as a deacon or an elder or a Sunday school teacher are all good works of service, but in the marriage context, if they take away from the marriage relationship, then are they really "seeking the Kingdom first"? Proverbs 5:15 "Drink water from your own well - share your love only with your wife (husband)." This is pretty self-explanatory. You cannot love (in an intimate, marriage way), more than one other - your spouse. Hebrews 13:4 Again referring to fidelity, "Give honour to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery." Ephesians 5: 21 "submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." The Bible has a lot to say about submission in the marriage context. Don't get caught up on the word "submit" as the world defines it. Submission in the Bible means to honour or to worship, that is to give 'worth-ship' to your spouse -- both the husband and the wife! Most people stop at the verse that says "wives submit to your husbands" and don't go on to the next part that says "as your husbands submit to Christ." There is a creation order to things not from a superiority point of view but from an 'orderly' point of view. All cannot be boss, all cannot be leaders, all cannot be first but in a Christian marriage, there must be an order based on the Biblical perspective that HUSBANDS must first SUBMIT their lives to Christ before all else. 1 Corinthians 13:1-3 "If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing." “CHRISTIANITY without love is not CHRISTIANITY!” Verses 4-8a: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. Love never fails.” Verses 8b-13: "But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection “CHRIST” comes, the imperfect “US” disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child; I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man “LEAVE and CLEAVE”, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." Most people when they think of love and marriage look at versus 4 through 8a, the "love" verses. But Paul wants us to read all of this section in terms of Christ's love (agape love) for us. When read in its entirety, this passage is the essence of the marriage relationship and the church-Christ relationship - that mystery - that wonderful love affair of God and his creation.