Marriage Restoration Net Work Uganda

Returning to God's Principles

Monday, January 2, 2012

Marriage Restoration Network Uganda - MARRIAGE RESTORATION NETWORK UGANDA. Marriage restoration network Uganda is none denominational group of people who have the burden of restoreling marriage to live according to God’s word. They are married couples who go around the country to teach the

Marriage Restoration Network Uganda - MARRIAGE RESTORATION NETWORK UGANDA. Marriage restoration network Uganda is none denominational group of people who have the burden of restoreling marriage to live according to God’s word. They are married couples who go around the country to teach the
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Pasotor Moses Kerejji and Ruth are leaders of marriage restoration network Uganda

Pasotor Moses Kerejji and Ruth are leaders of marriage restoration network Uganda
I am the fifth child in the family of six. My father married nine times before marrying my mother. This was so because of the choices he made were not the choices of his parents. As I was growing up, I saw all the injustice which was in the families. I saw the fighting the bad words which made me fill bad and I purposed in my heart that when I grow up and get married, I will not do like the people around are doing. I said that I will have one wife to avoid what I was seeing in our family and in the families of our neighbors. Also what I was seeing in the families of my two elder brothers. For my eldest brother had three and my other brother had two but their homes were battle fields. Fighting seven to ten times every month. I said that I will not beat up my wife and that I will have only one and that when I grow up I need to tell the people not to beat up their wives. I was 14 years when I made this resolution, but I was not a Christian. When I was 16 I started talking to my two elder brothers about their fighting all the time that it was not good. And that may be having one wife can solve the problem. My eldest brother thought about it and told my father what I told them and he told him that if a young person can see this then I need to act. So he sent away the other two wives and remained with one and that was the end of fighting in the Home. And they are still married. That was in 1978. the other brother refused and he had had the same problem and he has never had a happy marriage. During this time there was a pastor who was teaching about God and three years latter I gave my life to Christ. S when I gave my life to the Lord, I started to see things differently, I knew it is God’s will for the man to love his wife and it is God’s will for the wife to respect her husband. So from what I saw in the life of my elder brother and how things were going in their home, it gave me courage to speak to my cousins who were having the same problems. Those who thought about it are having a good marriage. But I did not know that this is what God what’s me to do. I would not fill happy when I saw people fighting their wives and I would not respect the people who would advise their sons to divorce their wives because of the cultural beliefs. But I would fear to tell them that what they are doing is not right. When I grew in knowledge of the word, then I knew that this is a call on my life, like when I could see the children from the divorced families on the street of towns. So I felt the burden for the marriage and of the children on the streets. Many people have come here to help the street kids but every time we have new ones. So I decided to tackle the root cause which is the marriage of their parents. That is when I, my wife and a few couples started meeting every Sunday evening to study Gods word, pray together, and also pray for the families. We did this for one year and we thought that praying alone will not help much. The Bible says that faith comes by hearing and hearing the word of God. So we said it will work more if we can go to them and teach them the word of God. That led us to start the marriage restoration network Uganda. Ruth is the second born in her family and for her case, she grew up in a Christian family unlike my self but before that it was not fine for her parents also. Before they had children and they died and the father thought that it was the fault of Ruth’s mom and they had a rough time in their marriage. After some time, her father heard the gospel, he went and asked the preacher if he got saved will God give them a child? The preacher told him that every thing is possible with the Lord. That is how he got born again and true God answered them and they had children. Two boys and one girl who happens to be Ruth. Her studied the word, and he became a pastor, his two young brothers did the same and they are pastors up to today, her elder brother is a pastor and over sees the church in three districts of eastern Uganda and happens that he is our coordinator for marriage restoration network Uganda in eastern region. So that is some thing about us and how we came to be involved in the married ministry. God bless you as you work with us to bring back marriage to God’s principals. Be blessed.

Roland and Judith Biber

Roland and Judith Biber
M.R.N.U. International coordinators

MRNU Prayer Partners

MRNU Prayer Partners

Kenora Church

Kenora Church

MRNU Prayer Partners

MRNU Prayer Partners

Godfrey and Sarah Ouma are the publicity coordinators for the Marriage restoration network Uganda

Godfrey and Sarah Ouma are the publicity coordinators for the Marriage restoration network Uganda
Calvary Greetings; About Mr. and Mrs. Ouma. Mr. and Mrs. Ouma met in 2002. Sarah was 34 yrs with two children (girls) when we got married.  With today’s high divorce rates, the phrase “ What God has joined together no man can put a sunder” has lost meaning , it has been abused so much that nobody takes it seriously .But not for Sarah and Godfrey .  Despite the difference in age that are a threat to marriages , Godfrey and Sarah have been happily married. Ours is a marriage that has unbalanced the Old social Order that the must be Older than his wife for marriage to work out ,and traditionally most people have been made to believe that marrying a woman with children is like a curse, but Godfrey died from the criticisms he got from his family and friends and accepted me with hands open wide looking beyond the children and age to pursue a long lasting relationship. It takes God’s Grace for someone who has never been a parent to begin even thinking a bout the idea, it is very involving.  Marriage is from God. There is no formula for relating. Godfrey met Sarah in the neighborhood. He was from a different Church and different social- cultural background. Sarah comes from Bushenyi District western (ug) while Godfrey hails from Busia Eastern (ug).  Tribal differences did not bother him because as born again Christian, he believes marriage is meant to fulfill God’s programme.  Marriage in Christ is enjoyable. We didn’t look at the differences and children disadvantages, but we saw them as spring boards to take us forward.  Our marriage has flourished we didn’t involve the whole clan or the society in it.  Marriage is between the two people involved and not the whole world, the world will fail.  When he proposed to me I didn’t say no outright, but in my heart I didn’nt take him seriously. was only being polite. I didn’t want to marry a poor man, I wanted a man who was well off. I prayed about it and I heard a voice during day time that he is the one.I prayed again and God showed me how riches can come to nothing. Then I knew it was God’s plan  We have not yet got children together but we believe God in everything.  To us marriage is a bout learning to forgive one another Though most people put love at the top of the list for relationship to workout, but for us we believe that the one who forgives is the one who loves.  Although she is older than her husband she respects him. A man deserves to be held in high esteem whether you have more money than him, you chose him.  We advice you people to stop hunting for beautiful faces one ought to look for the beauty of the heart, that’s when God’s promise will come true.  Sarah is agrade III Teacher and an adult Education instructor with ten years experience Adult Education, specializing in languages, and primary Education.  Godfrey has a Diploma in Human Resource management and certificate in Art and Design owning a printing workshop where he does screen printing,digital aided printing and logo Designing as well as visual paintings and prints.  The couple has joined hand and established a junior school purposely to help the urban poor, Educate their kids at the lowest costs likewise there few orphans and vulnerable children are also a warded free Education by the same school.  As a couple being both directors Goodsphepherd Education centre have not found any difficult in helping the community through Education sector, we sit down and we discuss on any part that needs attention and resolve to do something and it works because the lord is always in the control. It seemed to be a difficult venture to put up such a project, with a lot of criticism expected to make a school for business but then we did the opposite.  In all these we have really seen the hand of the lord support our projects through prayer and unity. We want to encourage you to work, Together, serve the lord together invest together you will see the returns from Jesus Christ Ecc.4.9. GOD BLESS YOU!!!!! WE LOVE YOU

Pastor Jonathan and Teddy

Pastor Jonathan and Teddy

Pr. Samuel and Magaret Kato are the eastern region coordinators.

Pr. Samuel and Magaret Kato are the eastern region coordinators.
About pastor Samuel and Mary Kato. I grew up it the family of a preacher of the word. I am the first born in a family of three and my father says that we are a result of prayer, for he says that every child they produced died young and they had six before us. My father was a pastor who taught about holiness and wanted me to follow him. So he took me to the bible school to become a pastor. I went and graduated in 1986. From that time I have been a pastor. I pastured Pentecostal assemblies of God church in Tororo, was a district overseer and now am now the regional overseer still in the Pentecostal church. I also teach about holiness and I travel the whole country teaching the word of God about living a holy life. From the many trips I have made in this country I found out that marriage was suffering and that as the church we need to do some thing. Many people were not committed to their marriage and there was a lot of divorce around. So I wanted the church to come in and solve the some of the problems. That is how I contacted the brothers in the Lord who were having the same conviction for the married people and we started marriage restoration network Uganda. And that is how I became the regional coordinator for ministry. I am married to my wife Mary a teacher by profession, and we have been married for the last twenty years and God has blessed us with six children. She is the leader of the women in our church and has been a source of encouragement for the marriage couples in the community. So I would request whoever has the heart for marriage who believes that God made man and woman for marriage to come and work with us at marriage restoration network Uganda to bring marriage back on God’s principals.

Pastor Grace and wife Mariam

Pastor Grace and wife Mariam

Pastor Richard Masembe

Pastor Richard Masembe
Coordinator Northern Region

Festo and Margaret are the Testimony coordinators

Festo and Margaret are the Testimony coordinators

Mike and Teddy coordinates prayers for the ministry and teachs about prayer.

Mike and Teddy coordinates prayers for the ministry and teachs about prayer.
ABOUT MIKE AND TEDDY ETWALU. PRAYER KEEPS A MARRIAGE TOGETHER. Praise God my sisters and brothers in the Lord, I learnt the power of prayer when I was a young man. As a single young man, I took a step of faith and went before the throne of grace making my request known to God by prayer according to Philippians 4:6. God was faithful and answered my prayers by leading me to my beautiful wife Teddy Awori Etwalu. Now as a couple we have been in marriage for a period of14 years and what has sustained our marriage is prayer and as a couple we have learnt that prayer is a weapon that can be used shatter and destroy the enemy in the family. Isaiah 54:17; the enemy forges many weapons against the married couple i.e causing quarrels, disagreements, bitterness unfaithfulness and many others in order to destroy your family. I have a lot of examples about these things as a result of praying with couple. They tend to be so bitter to their spouses and as we pray about these particular things and ask them to repent of them I have seen families change and have happy marriages. So I realized that there is a great need for the married to pray, have family alters, forgiving one another and to pray for their spouses. So that is why we at marriage restoration network Uganda encourage married couples to maintain the spirit Love burning their hearts so that their prayers ca be effective both in their lives and also in the lives of other married couples who sees them. So join hands with us for this noble cause that our families should go back to God’s principles.

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Pastor Moses is the leader of marriage restoration network Uganda I believe in man marrying a women and abide by the principals of God's word. these a re my verses to keep me looking to have a better marriage to my wife Ruth of 25 years. Psalm 127:1 Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it. Proverbs 24:3 Through wisdom a house is built, And by understanding is is established; Joshua 1:8 This Book of Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate in it day and night, that you may observe to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success.
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Pastor Moses

Pastor Moses

Pastor ,oses Teaching

Pastor ,oses Teaching
Marriage Seminar in Nabigonvu

Busiu seminar

Busiu seminar
Pastor Faith praying.


Pastor Jonathan stressing a point in Namabale marriage seminar






Couples Praying.

Couples Praying.

Pastor Richard Teaching

Pastor Richard Teaching

Pastor Moses Teaching.

Pastor Moses Teaching.


couples praying

couples praying

Pastor Richard Leading the people in prayers.

Pastor Richard Leading the people in prayers.

Seminar in prayes

Seminar in prayes
Butaleja




Pastor Moses

Pastor Moses


Pastor Stephen, Pastor Richard, Pastor Moses and Pastor Jonathan.

Pastor Stephen, Pastor Richard, Pastor Moses and Pastor Jonathan.

M.R.N.U Team in Tirinyi

M.R.N.U Team in Tirinyi

Tirinyi Seminar

Tirinyi Seminar
Moses Teaching

M.R.N.U TEAM

M.R.N.U TEAM

Tirinyi Seminar

Tirinyi Seminar
Pastor Masembe Teaching

Moses and part of thr team Marriage Restoration Network Uganda

Moses and part of thr team Marriage Restoration Network Uganda
MRNU

Namadi Seminar in Bugade

Namadi Seminar in Bugade
Moses with the pastor Mukasa and pastor Waiswa after a meeting

Namadi Seminar in Bugade

Namadi Seminar in Bugade
Pastor Mukasa praying with the people as they prepare to hear the teachings

Namadi Seminar in Bugade

Namadi Seminar in Bugade
Moses with the couples who attended the seminar.

Namadi Seminar in Bugade

Namadi Seminar in Bugade
Group photo on the First day

Tirinyi Seminar

Tirinyi Seminar
People Listening and the pastors Tought the word of God.

Namadi seminar in Bugade

Namadi seminar in Bugade
The pastors who Attended the marriage seminar having a group photo with us

Namadi Seminar in Bugade.

Namadi Seminar in Bugade.
Pastor Mukasa second left and pastor Waiswa third from left take a photo with Sam after disscusing the descission of making Bugade seminar an Anual seminar.

Moses Teaching

Moses Teaching
Marriage Seminar

Moses Teaching

Moses Teaching
Marriage Seminar

TirinyiSeminar

TirinyiSeminar
Everyone Listening and enjoying the word. Pray that it Takes root in them. only the word can change a person not anything.

Tirinyi Seminar

Tirinyi Seminar
People praying after every teachings

Tirinyi Seminar

Tirinyi Seminar
People worshiping the Lord preparing to hear the word of God from pastor Masembe

TRUST IN GOD

TRUST IN GOD Jan 26, '11 6:32 AM
for everyone
Sometimes life gets a little rough, and we all need a bit of joy in our lives. We often talk about warnings that come from the Bible, how to live or not live our lives. However, sometimes we forget that the Bible tells us to enjoy life a little bit. God did not mean for us to be sad or serious all the time. He tells us to get out and have a little fun. Here are some "happy" Bible verses to add some sunshine to what an be a gloomy day:

Psalm 27:6 - "Then my head will be exalted above the enemies who surround me; at his tabernacle will I sacrifice with shouts of joy; I will sing and make music to the LORD." (NIV)

Psalm 97:11-12 - "Light is shed upon the righteous and joy on the upright in heart. Rejoice in the LORD, you who are righteous, and praise his holy name." (NIV)

Psalm 118:24 - "This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it." (NIV)

Proverbs 15:13 - "A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit." (NIV)

Proverbs 15:23 - "A man finds joy in giving an apt reply - and how good is a timely word!" (NIV)

Proverbs 17:22 - "A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones." (NIV)

Isaiah 35:10 - "And the ransomed of the LORD will return. They will enter Zion with singing; everlasting joy will crown their heads. Gladness and joy will overtake them, and sorrow and sighing will flee away." (NIV)

Isaiah 55:12 - "You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands." (NIV)

Nehemiah 8:10 - "Nehemiah said, 'Go and enjoy choice food and sweet drinks, and send some to those who have nothing prepared. This day is sacred to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength.'" (NIV)

John 16:22 - "So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy.". (NIV)
your friend pastor,
Moses


COMMITE TO A LIFESTYLE OF WORSHIP IN YOUR MARRIAGE

COMMIT TO A LIFESTYLE
OF WORSHIP AND HOLY ACTIONS

1) Become a living sacrifice.

Romans 12:1

(Romans 12:1 NLT) And so, dear Christian friends, I plead with you to give your bodies to God. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice--the kind he will accept. When you think of what he has done for you, is this too much to ask?

Paul encourages and commands us to present our bodies as living sacrifices so that we will be available to do what God’s wants us to do. We are HIS, and every aspect of our lives should reflect that.

What is a sacrifice? In the Old Testament, the priests would offer a sacrificial lamb to God... they would kill it. We need to KILL ourselves and our old nature and turn completely to God. To sacrifice something means to give it completely away. It’s no longer yours. You need to present yourself as a sacrifice completely to God. Then He will be able to use you.

Romans 6:13

(Romans 6:13 NLT) Do not let any part of your body become a tool of wickedness, to be used for sinning. Instead, give yourselves completely to God since you have been given new life. And use your whole body as a tool to do what is right for the glory of God.

God wants us to live a holy lifestyle so that when people look at us, they say, "WOW! You look just like Jesus!"

Worldly habits.

"Lord, use my life while I’m still here to show this world what you really look like!"

What are some ways you can present yourself as a "living sacrifice?"

2) For the glory of God.

Colossians 3:17

(Colossians 3:17 NIV) And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

Everything we do... everything... needs to reflect God.

· talk

· act

· tv we watch

· music we listen to

1 Corinthians 10:31

(1 Corinthians 10:31 NLT) Whatever you eat or drink or whatever you do, you must do all for the glory of God.

God is watching you. Not just when you’re at church or on a mission trip or when you’re on a youth activity... but all the time.

God wants you to be a mirror. The world should see Him in you. Once you decide this is something you want, you need to spend time with Him and in His presence.

Psalm 22:3 says that God inhabits our praise, so if you want God to hang out with you all day long, praise Him all day long. Live a life of worship.

And when you’re praising and worshiping God all day, whenever something comes along that isn’t right that you should flee from, you know right away because God’s right there with you... He can’t hang out where sin is, and likewise, demons aren’t too likely to hang around you if God Almighty is there with you.

The most awesome thing about the Christian life is that as you stay holy and pure, God opens more and more of Himself up to you. Things start to happen that benefit you.

3) No vile thing.

Psalm 101:3

(Psalms 101:3 NIV) I will set before my eyes no vile thing. The deeds of faithless men I hate; they will not cling to me.

David is saying here, "I’m not going to put anything in front of me that’s not of God." Period.

The commitment of the World Changer is, "I refuse to even accidentally allow any vile, disgusting thing in my life." This includes drugs, alcohol, immorality, perversion, cruddy TV, movies, music, magazines... anything that leads to a sinful lifestyle or a sinful way of thinking.

4) Make a radical commitment.

1 Corinthians 10:23

(1 Corinthians 10:23 NIV) "Everything is permissible"--but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible"--but not everything is constructive.

By grace, we have freedom... technically we are no longer under the law, and therefore not bound by it. But grace doesn’t mean we can do whatever we want because "everything is permissible." We have free will, but that does not give us LICENSE.

As a Christian who wants to change the world, you need to say, "Yeah, I probably could do that, but there is some stuff I don’t want inside me at all because it’s not beneficial and it’s not going to help me grow or change the world."

Galatians 5:13

(Galatians 5:13 NIV) You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love.

If you use your freedom as a Christian to sin, you will find yourselves a slave to the very sin that Christ set you free from to begin with.

You may need to make some RADICAL COMMITMENTS.

You may need to commit to stop seeing PG-13 or R movies.

You may need to commit to stop listening to all secular music.

5) No idols.

What is an idol? Anything you love more than God.

It could be a person, a sport, your TV, anything. It could be your feelings... a person in love with being in love... always looking for a boyfriend or girlfriend instead of chasing after God.

You spend time with the things you love.

Sports, Movies, Friends, TV, Music, Clubs, etc...

What are you spending time and energy on? God? Or others?

When you find an idol in your life, you need to do what Moses did when the Israelites built the Golden Calf...

Tell Story of Golden Calf

Exodus 32:20

(Exodus 32:20 NIV) And he took the calf they had made and burned it in the fire; then he ground it to powder, scattered it on the water and made the Israelites drink it.

WHOA! That was drastic! But what Moses was saying was, "I’m going to so thoroughly obliterate this idol so that you will never have a chance worship the vile thing again." When you find an idol in your life... GET RID OF IT!

In your life, it could mean destroying and throwing away your secular CDs, or getting rid of materialistic thinking. It could mean ending a friendship or a dating relationship. You need to get rid of an idol so that you could never worship it again. I know it sounds drastic, but if you’re serious about changing the world, it’s a small price to pay for God’s undivided attention.

6) Value of a worshipful lifestyle.

Why is this so important? Because everything I’ve been talking about is like bowing down before the throne of God and acknowledging his awesomeness.

The only way God allows you before His throne is for you to remove all the junk from your life. You don’t have to be perfect, but you do have to be humble and admit that to the Lord where
you’ve blown it and then do everything possible to get rid of the idols.

7) A higher standard.

What should you do?


"Practically speaking, how do I apply this to my life?"

Begin to look at your habits -- the way you talk, act, the way you use your spare time, the way you think -- all are important. Now look at yourself and ask yourself how you compare to Scripture. How your lifestyle and the things that you do compare to the world of God.

As a World Changer, you are going to have to say NO to some things that other people, maybe even other Christians, will say YES to.

Your seriousness as a World Changer demand a higher level of living and caliber of intensity. You DON’T do what comes naturally; you measure everything by the Word of God. Are you ready to make a commitment... a radical commitment to God to examine your life -- examine the way you live, act, talk, the movies you watch, the tv you watch, the music you listen to -- and to make sure it all lines up with God?

Are you ready to commit to a holy lifestyle? Then let be the master of your heart. Let Him the one who controls your life.


HUSBAND AND WIFE AS A TEAM

Husband And Wife

As A Team

You should read Ephesians 5:23-33 before reading this lesson. That text serves as the text for the subject. Many of us consider ourselves most blessed to have been privileged to have the husband/wife team demonstrated before us by our parents. Many of us enjoy this teamship in our own marriages. For this we are grateful beyond expression. It seems that everybody ought to know that the husband and wife are to function as a team.

But it is also obvious, due to the havoc and breakdown found in many marriages, that a lot of people have not learned this fundamental truth. If more were aware of it and worked accordingly, there would not be the destruction of homes so rampant in our society today.

We are discussing an attitude and a matter of the heart. We are also focusing attention on a relationship. We can say that we are studying an attitude of heart that should be demonstrated in a specific relationship.

What is a team? The word is not used in the Bible with reference to marriage even though the concept is there as we shall discover. A team consists of people working together, yoked together, coupled, linked and cooperating for the common good. Webster defines the word and uses marriage to illustrate the meaning.

Different Yokes

The word “yoke” can be understood in terms of a burden or an unbearable load as Paul used it in Second Corinthians 6:14, “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers." Or It can be understood to refer to a beautiful and intimate relationship of favor as Jesus used it in His invitation found in Matthew 11:28-20. “Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn of me, for I am meek and lowly in heart, and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

Being yoked in marriage requires agreement. Amos stated the great principle in Amos 3:3, “Can two walk together except they be agreed?” Teamwork demands consideration, communication, consultation, cooperation, companionship, and in marriage there must be the inclusion of Christ. Without these essentials the team simply cannot and will not function as its Originator intended.

Originally

It was God’s original and present purpose that the husband and wife function as a team, not separately, but as a complement to each other. Genesis 2:18, “And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him." God did not say that it is wrong to be unmarried. But as it is stated in Proverbs 18:22, "Whoso findeth a wife findth a good thing, and obtaineth favor of the Lord.” Marriage is a blessing given to mankind by God. If we could summarize marriage with one word, we would choose the word “companionship.” This is what God intends in marriage.

Several Biblical Phrases Show Teamship

Let us now read Genesis 2:20-25 where there are several phrases that show the teamwork we are considering. “And Adam gave names to all cattle, and the fowl of the air and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found a help meet for him. And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; and the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said this is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife; and they shall be one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.” This teaching concerning marriage was repeated by Jesus Christ when He gave His will concerning marriage (Matthew 19:1-9). His will is as God planned and designed it from the beginning. All men everywhere are accountable to God through the teaching of Christ in this matter as in all others (John 12:48).

Composition of the Team

Notice the team composed of a husband and wife, not merely a man and a woman, nor a man and women, nor a woman and men, nor a man and man, nor woman and woman. Many have perverted this relationship, such as homosexuals, lesbians, adulterers, fornicators, etc. Of such Paul said that God had given them up to dishonor, vile affections and called them reprobate (Romans 1:24,26,28). While we have pity and concern for those who pervert themselves in any fashion, nobody can claim to be loyal to the doctrine of Christ and pronounce such things as anything other than sin which damns the soul.

Teamwork of husband and wife is seen in the phrase, “bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh.” Understand the context. All the other creatures God had created had passed before Adam and none of them were suitable to be his companion. Nor was it expected that they would be. So God made a special creation for man that was suitable. The phrase, “this is now,” literally means, “this turn.” The other creatures had their turn, so to speak, and were found unsuitable. Now it was the woman’s turn, the special creation, and she was created suitable as man’s companion.

Teamship is seen in the phrase, “one flesh,” There is a difference in flesh. All flesh is not the same flesh because there is one flesh of men, another flesh of beasts, another of fishes and another of birds (First Corinthians 15:39). We might add here that this passage, alongside many others, drives a spike through the heart of any attempt to harmonize the Bible with organic evolution, atheistic, theistic, agnostic or whatever. But the point as it relates to our theme is that God made man and woman of the same kind. They were two distinct personalities blended into one satisfying unit for the physical and part of the spiritual needs of both. It is as stated in Proverbs thirty-one, “He trusts her... He praises her... She will do him good.” (Verses 11,12,28).

The word “man” is sometimes used in the Bible to refer to the male of the human family. Sometimes it refers to the whole human family, male and female. The man is the male man, and the woman is the female man. They were not Deity, nor animals, but humanity of the same kind and of one flesh.

The Closest Relationship

This teamship is closer than the tie between parent and child. They were to leave and cleave one to the other. Prime allegiance belongs to each other above even the close tie of parent and child. If parents want to give a great gift to their children that will be of enduring strength for them throughout the life of the child, give them parents who truly love each other before all else this world offers. We are to love our mates first before everything except God. The beautiful truth is that when we love God first we will love our mate above everything else.

Husbands and wives are interdependent on each other. “For the man is not of the woman, but the woman of the man. Neither was the man created for the woman, but the woman for the man. Nevertheless neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man. In the Lord. For as the woman is of man, even so is man also by the woman; but all things of God” (First Corinthians 11:8,9,11,12).

Anti-Marriage

We hear much criticism today against the very institution of marriage. Some complain that in marriage you lose your individuality. We can never completely lose our individuality. We shall stand as individuals before God in the judgment (Second Corinthians 5:10). But in any human relationship, including marriage, there is the sacrifice of some individuality. Why just attack marriage and not all other human associations? This is because many want the physical privileges in marriage without the duties in marriage.

In marriage each is an individual with distinctive roles for which each is especially made to fulfill. We should assist each other in fulfilling these God-given roles in life. Neither is the master of himself or herself, but each seeks the highest good of the unit. This is what “agape” or love embodies and involves.

What it Requires

Teamwork in marriage requires compatibility, companionship, nearness, personal involvement, cooperation, but also Christ. We need to understand that any disposition of marriage that omits God cannot be what marriage is intended to be. There are three involved in marriage, not just a man and a woman. There must be the inclusion of the Designer, Originator and Giver of marriage, who is God. Many problems arise because people fail to understand and accept this. Many problems could be solved, even avoided, if all would respect this fact of truth. False doctrines arise because some have failed to respect both the individual and collective duties each has toward God. Marriage is not merely a social relationship, economic arrangement, or just a legal contract. It is a holy, sacred, God-given relationship. Without God in marriage it is lacking in a basic fundamental ingredient.

This attitude of teamwork must manifest itself in a number of areas. Husbands and wives are like a lock and key, or two blades of scissors. They cannot and do not function properly by themselves.

There is teamwork in the conjugal or sexual relationship. Paul wrote, “Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband” (First Corinthians 7:2). This “added language” of love, the expression of love, the satisfaction of pure and holy emotions and desires within marriage is reserved for the members of the team. Outside of marriage it is an abominable transgression against God, society, one’s mate, self and family.

There should be teamwork in the rearing of children. Genesis 1:28 tells us that God blessed THEM and said to THEM to be fruitful and replenish the earth. Both have a duty, not only in bringing the child into the world, but also in the upbringing, training and care of the child. This includes setting goals, priorities, discipline and provision. The child is not my child or your child, but “our child.”

There should be oneness in handling the finances of the home. This is a source of problems among many. Some talk about “her money and his money.” This is foolish. You may not agree, but you need to consider this point more seriously. Money problems have caused much strife in marriages. An understanding that in marriage it is no longer “me, my, mine,” nor “you and yours,” but it becomes “we, us, ours” in everything.

Teamwork demands loyalty to one another. This would eliminate many problems. Nobody from outside the marriage can intrude into a marriage where husband and wife are loyal to each other. This includes having and showing respect for each other’s feelings, refusing to embarrass and destroy the other.

For Life

Teamwork in marriage means you are together for life, in good times, bad times, sharing joys, sorrows, loads, burdens, in sickness or health, adversity or prosperity, not pulling apart, not pulling against, but pulling with each other. It is a case of “me and you against the world.”

The words of Ruth state the idea. “The Lord do so to me and more also If ought but death part thee and me.” Jesus said, “What God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.”

A Basic Point

Teamwork in marriage means being united in THE FAITH. It is not enough to be united in a faith, but THE FAITH. Both ought to be Christians as the Bible teaches. Unless both are in Christ there is no standard by which to measure, no rule for making decisions, no guide for life, no basis for solutions to differences. Let us teach our young to marry “in the Lord.” So many who have ignored this teaching have lived to regret it and more are lost to the cause of Christ than remain faithful in a religiously divided home. The best team is one composed of a Christian husband and a Christian wife. It is difficult enough at times to resist the devil when you are standing together. How much more difficult when you are divided in the most important matter of life, your relationship to God. Like machinery, it is not the revolutions that wear out the machine, it is the friction. When both are Christians you have the oil that will keep down friction.

We need to teach our young, as many of us have been taught, that the primary goal in marriage is to help each other get to heaven. This is a statement of Peter, “...dwell with them... as heirs together of the grace of life” (First Peter 3:7). Recognize that you both are precious souls, precious to each other and precious to God.

The Leader

Every team must have a leader. In God’s plan the husband is the leader of the home. This does not please everyone. But it pleases all who love God (Ephesians 5:23).

There are alternatives to teamwork. What are these alternatives? There is frustration, estrangement, heartbreak, betrayal, harsh words, bitterness, regret, agony, broken homes, scarred children, ruined lives, separations, loneliness, hatred, handicapped youth, lost souls. Unless the God-designed team functions as God has designed it, Satan will run in some substitutes that will destroy everyone involved.

Value of Experience

While watching a sporting event and playoff games I heard one commentator say, “Have you noticed how that most of the time the teams with experience are the ones that make the playoffs.” He was simply observing how experience makes the team more effective. This is true in sports. It is also true in marriage. You learn to think alike, work smoothly, understand each other, grow together, where one stands, two stands, and you never walk alone.

We speak of newlyweds and how they seem so well suited for each other. Bless their hearts, they may well be. But they are not near as well suited as they shall become as they go through life together.

God’s team consists of a husband and wife, living together, loving God and each other, in the oneness of marriage, and in Christ.


HUSBANDS AND WIVES

Husbands and Wives

Ephesians 5:15-33

No passage in the Bible causes more dissension and confusion than this one, for it deals with the roles of husbands and wives. Our society has convinced itself that men and women are interchangeable parts. You may think that this is so; if so, it is an argument against the truth of Christianity. But the Scripture holds quite clearly to the contrary view. Men and women have differing roles in the church.

It is also quite true that the statements about those roles have suffered in past years from "scissors theology" - the cut and paste method of interpreting the Bible. For that reason, we begin with a review of Ephesians to this point, and then an introduction.

Review

In the past lessons we have seen:

· How Christ created the church, a mystery revealed in his time, as a new and unexpected creation.

· How all authority in heaven and earth - and most especially in the church - is his. No one but Christ has true authority; all other authority is derived.

· How we are all one - united - in Christ.

· How we are each given different gifts, and different functions for those gifts.

· Combining these, we see that (since he has all authority) we have therefore responsibilities which are commensurate with our gifts and functions.

· How Christian conduct itself cuts across all roles (including, therefore, marriage), and in particular,

· How the essence of Christian conduct is the imitation of God.

With these few minor points in mind, we may now take up Paul's preliminary to his remarks on marriage.

Preliminary

(Eph 5:15-21 NIV) Be very careful, then, how you live--not as unwise but as wise, {16} making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. {17} Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord's will is. {18} Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit. {19} Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, {20} always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. {21} Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Paul begins this section - which is, you will see, about marriage - with some preliminary remarks about the time in which they live.

· We are to be careful how we live. In short, we are to pay attention to the times around us, and note that others may be watching.

· We are to "redeem the time" - make the most of every opportunity. For those who are being observed, this means that we are not to miss the chance to spread the Gospel. In particular, we shall see that a goodly part of a wife's submission has to do with this.

· He establishes (again) the idea that the joy of the Lord is to drive out carnal pleasures (the principle of replacement).

· Finally - and this is key to our understanding his writing about husbands and wives - we are to submit to one another.

That last deserves some thought. What he is about to say to wives, and then to husbands, is nothing more than an amplification of this idea. So then, wives will submit to husbands and husbands - in a different manner, corresponding to their different role - will submit to wives.

Submission

(Eph 5:22-33 NIV) Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. {23} For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. {24} now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. {25} Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her {26} to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, {27} and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. {28} In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. {29} After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church-- {30} for we are members of his body. {31} "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and the two will become one flesh." {32} This is a profound mystery--but I am talking about Christ and the church. {33} However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Let us begin with the wives. First, note how little of this passage is devoted to them. The reason is relatively simple. In that culture wives were expected to be submissive; Paul was just confirming what they already knew. But he does so in the sense that this is the specific case for wives of the more general "submit yourselves to one another."

Submit...as to the Lord

The phrase seems harsh to women today. Perhaps it is easier to see the meaning by seeing where else the word is used:

· We are told to submit to our leaders

· We are told to submit to God

· We are told to submit to "every authority"

· We are told that the young should submit to the old

In all these cases there is a common thread. Submission does not mean "behave like a robot." It means, rather, to render the proper respect and obedience due to the person who is in possession of derived authority. In all cases, obedience and respect is due to the person in the position. Military personnel will remember the old adage, "You salute the uniform, not the wearer." The authority is not personal; it is positional. So, for example, the idea that "women" in general must be submissive to "men" in general finds no support in this passage. (It does elsewhere, and that is another question). This passage is talking about husbands and wives. The wife is given two verbs: submit, and respect.

Why Submit?

Why would a woman submit to her husband? The Scripture gives a number of reasons:

· God planned it that way in response to sin. If you will, this is a consequence of sin. This can be seen in Christ's remark that marriage does not exist in heaven - all are one in Christ Jesus there.

· It is so that no one will malign the word of God. The principle here is that women should limit themselves in their freedom in Christ so that others will see the Gospel as a lovely thing, and be attracted to it.

· Specifically, it is taught that by submission women might win their husbands to Christ.3 Submission is a weapon of the Christian woman.

Respect

The Greek word used here is the root word of our term, phobia. It means a fear - however, the correct meaning of the word can be seen in this. It is used very rarely in the New Testament. The only time it appears in the Gospels is in the story of the vineyard owner. He sent his servants and then finally his son, saying that "they will respect my son." It is the same word. It therefore carries with it two implications:

· It is respect which is due to the person, not fear of physical punishment.

· It is sinful to deny that respect; indeed, it is a parallel to rejecting Jesus.

And that's it. Paul seems to feel that women will simply understand what he has said, and that no amplification is needed. To men, however, matters are different.

Men

Again, please note that this is a special case of "submit yourselves to one another." Paul tells us that men are to do this by loving their wives - which is difficult. It is so easy - as we know in our age - for men to treat their wives in a second class way, as a plaything. But we are to love our wives. How?

As Christ loved the church. He loved the church before we were his; without conditions. We must love our wives the same way. Loving must not be an afterthought, it must be our first thought. It must not be an agreement or bargain, but unconditional love.

· "gave himself up". He gave himself up in physical death; we must likewise be willing to die for our wives. This also implies that we must renounce our right to ourselves. He humbled himself for the sake of the church and became a servant, dying on the cross. We must imitate as best we can, no longer maintaining our rights, but rather asking our best service.

· "to make her holy". Which implies she wasn’t? There is a tremendous implication here. It is not "I will love my wife as soon as she is submissive to me" but rather "I will love my wife until she is submissive to me - and then for the rest of my life." We must be exceedingly forgiving of our wives, and tender with them. Indeed, this also implies the patience that God has shown with the church must be exemplified by the patience we show with our wives.

· "without stain, wrinkle or blemish". Which implies she had all three? So therefore we must forgive - and work to eliminate the consequences of - her stains (sins). We must smooth out the wrinkles of care and age, lifting her up. And we must care nothing for her blemishes - which should, I think, be taken as not caring about her physical appearance. After all, the church, the bride, did not attract the groom by her spiritual loveliness.

· "love her as your own body." Her desires should become your desires. Do you see how unthinkable adultery should be to a Christian husband? This is not your body; it is hers; you are one flesh. To consort with a prostitute is exactly equivalent to allowing your wife to become one - for your body is her body, and vice versa.

The Profound Mystery

Paul points out next that a man leaves his father and mother and clings to his wife. (Again, note that the woman does too - but Paul only mentions it for the man. Guess who has the greater problem here!)

· How much do you owe your mother and father? Your father gave you life; he fed and clothed you, taught you how to be a man, protected you and housed you. Your debt to him is very great. Your mother went through the greatest of pain to give you birth, nursed you, nurtured you and taught you what to expect in a woman. Your debt to her is very great. Yet the Lord commands that you leave both for your wife. Therefore, your wife must be more precious to you than both your father and your mother - and your debt to them is great indeed. How much more, then, are you obligated to your wife, by the command of Almighty God?

· If this were not enough, consider this: were not your mother and father happy to see you married? Despite all that they love you, despite all that you owe them, they were happy to part with you to see you married. Even those to whom you owe so great a debt consider it essential that you leave and cling to your wife, alone. Therefore, even they tell you that she is more precious to you than they are.

Pictures

I leave you with the following thought.

· Eve was taken from Adam's side. However else you might interpret the story in Genesis, it clearly means that she is flesh of his flesh. There is a picture there.

· Consider this picture: on the cross Jesus was pierced with a spear in that same side. From that side flowed blood and water, and from that blood of sacrifice and water of baptism came the church, the bride of Christ.

· Taken together, these two pictures tell me that God has painted, on the living canvas of our bodies, a picture of his love for the church. He is saying, "My love for you is like that of the purest husband for the purest bride." But in so saying he has defined husband and wife, as the Creator ought.

We are fond of proclaiming our rights. We do not realize that we surrendered all to Christ, and our rights are ours no more, but are in the hands of one who knows best what to do with them. We have been given our responsibilities instead, under the authority of Christ. Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands. Husbands love your wives. Christians, submit yourselves to one another.


HOW TO DESTROY OR STRENGHTEN A MARRIAGE.


I. Marriage

There are many institutions in the world today, but only two institutions were established by God. These are the church and the home. It is significant that God chose to create the home first. A home starts when two people get married. Marriage is the most important relationship in the physical world. We should be careful to follow the rules that God has made for marriage.

In earlier lessons we have talked about how marriage is not something that came from men's imaginations. Marriage was planned by God from the beginning. He created one man, Adam, and provided him with one woman, Eve. The Bible gives clear instructions about who is permitted to marry. Only never-married people, scripturally-divorced persons, or people who are widowed are allowed to marry. Men may only marry women.

We have considered how to prepare for marriage and what to look for in a lifelong companion. There are many examples of good marriages in the Bible. Time does not allow us to look at the good marriages of Abraham and Sarah, Isaac and Rebecca, Jacob and Rachel, and Boaz and Ruth in the Old Testament.

None of us is perfect. We cannot be a perfect mate. None of us can find a perfect mate. Therefore, the marriage formed by the joining of two imperfect people will never be perfect in every way. We cannot expect our marriages to be perfect, but the Bible teaches us how our marriages can be happy. This lesson will look at some of the ways that build our marriages up and ways that tear our marriages down. As much as possible we want to avoid those things that will make our marriages weaker. As I work to make my marriage better I discover greater happiness for my wife and myself. If you follow God's pattern, you can have a wonderful marriage.

II. Reasons Marriages Fail

The home is the building block of the church and the nation. First, let us look at what will destroy a marriage. Satan is eagerly working to destroy the home. If he can damage the marriage, he can destroy much happiness of people in the world.

Adam and Eve were very happy living in the Garden of Eden. When Eve listened to Satan instead of God, she caused great unhappiness for herself and her husband. All sinful behavior is caused by rebellion against God when people are deceived by the devil.

No marriage fails except where one or both partners are involved in SIN. When sin is allowed to get out of control in a marriage, the marriage will fail to provide the happiness and companionship that God intended.

Let us consider some of the more destructive sins that can cause great unhappiness in marriage.

LAZINESS is one of the most destructive of all sins. Too many people forget that laziness is a sin. Laziness is a major cause of evil.

· James 4:17 Therefore, to him who knows to do good and does not do it, to him it is sin.

Love requires commitment and work. Those who are lazy are seldom willing to use much energy. Lazy people think that love is just something that happens. Love to a lazy person is like an accident. Laziness is why there are so many husbands who do not love their wives and why there are so many wives who do not love their husbands. Marriage fails to bring great happiness when people do not work hard enough to create love and build marital relationships. Many know what the problems are in their marriage, but they are not willing to work hard enough to restore the relationship. People come up with all kinds of excuses about why their marriages do not work. But, marriages fail only when couples are too lazy to do whatever is necessary to make their marital relationship work.

Another sin that can harm a marriage is ANGER. One episode of anger can damage a relationship of kindness and patience that took years to build. We are too quick to find excuses for our anger.

The Bible clearly condemns sinful anger. It is sinful when it is in excess. It is sinful when it is expressed in ways that are harmful.

· Psalms 37:8 Cease from anger, and forsake wrath; do not fret -- it only causes harm.

Anger brings out the worst in people. It can turn us into vicious animals. How many good things have we missed in life because we committed some thoughtless deed while we were angry?

All anger is not sinful. The manner in which we express it determines whether it is sinful. We must learn to have control of our anger, rather than letting anger get control of us.

· Ephesians 4:26 be angry, and do not sin. Do not let the sun go down on your wrath.

Confess evil anger to God and the church and ask for forgiveness. Strive to become a meek man or woman who is controlled by the Holy Spirit. Pour out the anger and be filled with God's Spirit.

Remember that the person you want to become angry with was created in the image of God.

Another serious sin that can damage a marriage relationship is PRIDE. Pride is usually the sin that causes all other sins. Pride is thinking that you are better than someone else. It is wrong if you think that you are better than your spouse. Do not think that you are more important to God than your spouse. Jesus shed His blood to forgive your partner's sins just as He shed it to forgive your sins.

· Matthew 7:12 Jesus said, "Treat others like you would like to be treated."

Self-respect is different from pride. Self-respect prevented Joseph from committing adultery with Potiphar's wife in Genesis 39. Self-respect causes us to take care of our families.

· Proverbs 8:13 The fear of the Lord is to hate evil; pride and arrogance and the evil way and the perverse mouth I hate.

Another sin that causes much unhappiness in marriage is SELFISHNESS. If you wish to be miserable, think only about yourself. Think about what you want, what you like, what respect people ought to pay you -- and then you will be a very unhappy person and cause your spouse to be unhappy as well.

Those who are selfish are being tricked by Satan. They die without really knowing the joys which they think they should have. Yet, the supposed enjoyment is the very reason for their selfishness.

Selfishness causes a husband to lie to his spouse. It causes a wife to be concerned only for her own pleasure. It causes a husband to destroy his marriage by committing adultery. Such sin against God and against one's spouse usually causes lasting damage to a marriage.

In some families the husband or wife will turn to drunkenness because of selfishness. Drinking alcohol causes them to forget their responsibilities to their families. Drunkenness causes violence within a family. Drunkenness is the cause of the destruction of many marriages.

· Philippians 2:3 Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself.

It is selfish when we expect everything to be done to please us. Some wives stop loving their husbands when they become disappointed with them. Some husbands stop loving their wives because they became disappointed with their wives. Disappointment can destroy a marriage unless we remember that no human is perfect. God expects us to do the very best that we can, but He knows that we will sometimes fail. I should not expect more from my spouse than God expects.

Reasons Marriages Succeed

All things can be accomplished by hard work. To have a truly happy marriage requires continually working to make it a good marriage.

God provides us with a guidebook, the Bible, to follow to help us live more successfully with our spouses. When the husband and wife are both determined to follow the laws of God, it is almost certain that they will find greater and greater joy with each other as they grow older together.

In happy marriages the couple gets to know one another by talking and LISTENING. Happily married people express appreciation for and give praise to one another. Happy people learn to live with one another with respect and kindness. Happy husbands and wives trust each other deeply. Couples who are happy enjoy spending time together. In happy marriages the husband and wife share responsibilities.

· Matthew 6:33 But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.

Marriages succeed by being committed to one another and to God. You must be determined to make your marriage a happy one no matter what happens. A husband who wants a happy wife will not even consider committing adultery. The Christian husband and wife should be too devoted to one another to destroy the trust they have for each other by committing adultery.

Couples who want to live happy lives together are committed to telling the truth to each other. A stable relationship can be built only by being honest.

The most successful way to make your marriage a happy one is to learn better how God wants you to live. We will find the greatest happiness only through a relationship with Jesus Christ. Let us concentrate on how Jesus lived. Let us try to live the same way He lived. Then we will truly be happy in our marriages and we can best make our spouses happy. Strengthen your relationship with God and it will be easier to strengthen your relationship with your husband or wife.

Love your wife more than you love any other person on earth. Love your husband more than you love any other person on earth. But love God more than you love your wife. Love God more than you love your husband. This is the proper way to have a marriage that will succeed. by pastor Moses

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seminar

HEALING BITTERNESS FROM OUR MARRIAGE.

Healing Bitterness from our marriages

If we are not careful, however, resentment will arise in our hearts and assault our marriages. Instead of being the victor, we will become the victim. Those consumed by bitterness seem to have no hope but to watch the destruction of their marriage continue. Just recently I heard about a marriage in which the bitterness had grown so bad that the wife couldn’t sleep at night. This was only one of the many symptoms of a marriage infected by bitterness. There are many others. Again and again we see couples devastated by bitterness. It is a pity that couples wait until their marriage is on the verge of breakdown before they deal with the bitterness in their lives.

Replacing Marital Bitterness with Forgiveness

Bitterness, I believe, is the number one killer of our marriages. Many would object and say it is differences on money or incompatibility, but these people do not understand how bitterness is a root problem to these and many other marital difficulties. It is this bitterness which step by step separates the couple from each other and lessening their commitment to each other.

God wants to bring healing to your marriages. He wants to eliminate all resentment. Part of our problem is that we don’t understand how He has already given us the tools to snap the intimidating influence of bitterness in our marriages through the wonderful power of the Gospel. That little stone that God used in David’s hand is much like a special tool that God has given to His children to take down the threatening giant of bitterness. When we in our simple faith and obedience respond, we see God’s powerful love bring down all the walls of resentment.

If you could exchange a marriage where you merely tolerate each other for one in which you can't wait to be with each other, would you? We will show you how to take major steps toward this goal during this session. There is no doubt that God created marriage to be a blessing for mankind. Both the husband and wife are to find great fulfillment in marriage.

Ephesians 4:31 text in graphic formAnyone who has been infected by bitterness knows that it can be so dominating that all of whole life is influenced by it. All sorts of physical and emotional symptoms pop up including lots of stress-related pains and diseases. But it doesn’t stop there. Bitterness starts by destroying relationships. It starts so quietly, though. Here are some possible symptoms of a breakdown in a relationship due to bitterness: rolling your eyes, ignoring simple requests, easily irritated, calling names in 'fun,' criticizing spouse’s efforts, jest about shortcomings, feeling put out. So many marriages have been destroyed simply by not following the apostle’s simple instruction.

Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. (Ephesians 4:31)

Bitterness should not be accepted in our personal lives. If we refused to tolerate it, then it would not plague our marriages. Bitterness eats away from the goodness that God has given to us in marriage. Why have so many couples accepted some degree of bitterness in their marriages? Some have never thought about how bitterness is related to their troubled marriages. Others know of it but are so clearly committed to destroying the other that they are willing to put up with the suffering.

In our following discussion, we will show you how bitterness and anger deeply damage marriage. We will outline clear steps to eliminate bitterness and gain that sweet relationship marriage ought to be.

A) Understanding the Root of Bitterness

Bitterness comes from being offended by someone and holding a begrudging heart against him. For example, a husband says to his wife, “That meal was not good.” His intention might not be as bad as the wife feels. But in any case, the wife resents her husband’s remark. She thinks to herself how it is easy for him to just come home and expect a grand meal. The seed of bitterness can be planted in so many ways. Instead of speaking honestly with her husband about how that comment hurt her, she secretly stores the offense in her heart then cools her heart toward him.

From the verse above (Ephesians 4:31), we can see that bitterness has many ‘brothers and cousins’ including: wrath, anger, clamor, slander and malice.

Bitterness is the root of many problems. A bitter heart spawns all sorts of evil reactions. Wrath, anger, clamor, slander and malice are all means by which resentment expresses itself. Bitterness cannot stay in the heart by itself. It is true, bitterness can stay dormant for a long period until its storm arises, but it will come.

We should take off all of these expressions of hatred and discard them, get rid of them completely. When a person wants to remove a tree, he does not just cut off the branches. He has to get own to the dirty work of getting out the roots. Otherwise the branches will just grow back stronger than before. The real solution is not just to get rid of the expression of anger but to deal with the root of bitterness. Let us see how bitterness can do such an evil work even in normal people like you and me.

The reason bitterness is so devastating is that it provides the justification for being mean, cold, short-tempered or unpleasant to others. Bitterness nurtures itself through its self-appointed privilege. Most people know that it is wrong to hate others. Our conscience tells us that it is wrong to do evil to others. This limits the expression of our hatred towards others. If people are going to persist in their meanness toward someone, they need some way to override the guilt function of their conscience. Otherwise the guilt would pile on so thick that they would have to stop being mean. They feel bad (guilty) about it. Bitterness provides the needed short circuit that allows them to bypass the work of their consciences not only to do evil to others but even to feel smug and self-righteous about it.

How does bitterness do this? Bitterness fools the person by tricking his conscience. The person only needs to dwell upon the way someone offended him, and he becomes free from the protection of his conscience. A biological parallel might be the effect of drugs or alcohol on a person’s body. The nerve connections become dulled so that he is able, in his drunken stupor, to do things that he would never otherwise do. Bitterness is a soul drug. It allows people to do evil things that they would not otherwise think themselves capable of doing.

I remember a former neighbor. He had so much bitterness that it destroyed his marriage and his relationship with his children. He would ride around with a gun in the car in case he got enough nerve to kill himself. It is important to know how bitterness works. It seems so powerful, but it can be disabled.

Bitterness works as long as it is being focused on. One would think that a person would spit out the poisonous venom of bitterness from his life just as I did the lemon. But people hold on to it. Why? The one who feels he or she has been wronged gains a slight sense of power and control. In most cases, these people are convinced that they are God’s appointed people to carry out justice. That is right. They believe that they are doing good when they are in fact doing evil. It is this faulty sense of justice that blinds them to the evil of their actions.

When this happens in a marriage, the spouse puts him or herself at complete odds against his mate. Nursing the hatred and pain extend the ‘twoness’ and virtually eliminates the ‘oneness’ of marriage. They are married, but they act as two. Two opponents. Bitterness makes this division permanent as long as he or she wants it to last. Let’s take an even closer look at how bitterness works its wretched evil.

A Peek Inside of Bitterness

See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many are defiled. (Hebrews 12:15)

The scriptures reveal many things about bitterness. Hebrews 12:15 states three things about bitterness.

1) Short of God’s grace (The mark of bitterness)
2) Root of bitterness (The nature of bitterness)
3) Being defiled (The result of bitterness)

1) Short of God’s grace (The Mark of Bitterness)

People can claim to be God’s and yet not have God’s blessing upon their lives. This is true with bitter people. Hebrews 12:15 says that some people come ‘short of the grace of God.’ Bitter people have withheld grace and therefore, God withholds His grace and mercy from them. Jesus clearly stated this in the Sermon on the Mount in the Lord’s Prayer and afterwards emphasized it.

For if you forgive men for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions. (Matthew 6:14-15)

Jesus talked a lot about forgiveness for it lies at the heart of the gospel. Jesus tells us of the man who refused to forgive one who owed him so little even when the king had already forgiven his much larger debt When we withhold grace, it will be withheld from us.

The net of bitterness think that they have the right to carry out their vindictive spirit. When in fact, Jesus clearly states that these people who refuse to forgive others are in great danger. We know these passages raise all sorts of questions about what does “comes short of the grace of God” mean. Does it mean that a Christian can loose his salvation? Jesus describes their judgment in a very vivid way. We will leave it as Jesus did. He leaves us no doubt as to the cost of an unforgiving heart. The point is simply that in no case is anyone right to carry bitterness in his soul. We must always forgive everyone even our mate.

God’s grace will be held back from us as long as we hold it back from another. An unforgiving spirit is like withdrawing life and allowing death to set into our bodies. No wonder bitter people have the saddest marriages and lives on earth.

2) Root of bitterness (The Nature of Bitterness)

Hebrews 12:15 continues on by mentioning the ‘root of bitterness.’ There are two aspects to this root.

First of all, the scripture speaks of the sure way bitterness can cling to our souls. A plant’s resistance comes from its roots. If there are no roots, the plant will not live. But because the root is there, then the plant with its evident branches, leaves and blossoms will manifest itself if given enough time. If a person is bitter or acts bitterly, then he should know that at sometime in the past a seed of bitterness was allowed to grow within his soul. Something has happened in his or her past that must be properly dealt with in order to eliminate the bitterness.

Secondly, we see that the root will spring forth all sorts of diabolical troubles. These I believe are the manifestations of bitterness along with their consequences. The larger the manifestations of bitterness, the greater the root of bitterness has grown. Bitterness has no good results. Justice is never served. Grace is never given. Marriages are destroyed. Some roots are bigger and deeper than others. Nurturing the root of bitterness causes it to grow.

3) Many become defiled if they harbor Bitterness.

The scripture passage above says in a final word that people who are bitter will be defiled and that the defilement in most cases spreads over into the lives of others. This is ever so clear. Can one spouse be bitter and the other not be influenced by it? Clamor speaks of raging words. Malice is the evil that is finally carried out. Anger is the means disposition in which he expresses his displeasure. Wrath is the volatile anger that erupts like a volcano. Bitterness springs sort all sorts of trouble. And to make things worse, those who are the victims of such acts, often get bitter themselves.

Instead of being a means that God uses to extend His grace and mercy to others, this person has become an instrument through which Satan carries out his diabolical work. Anyone who plays in mud gets muddy. Those who play with muddy people get muddied. Anyone who plays in the field of hatred and scorn will be defiled.

Summary

Let’s think about these things from the perspective of marriage. People get married to have a loving relationship and all the good fruits that come from such a relationship. When bitterness implants itself in either of the spouse’s heart, they end up with terrible troubles. The problems go way beyond the simple disappointment of not having a loving relationship. The difficulties can be so overwhelming that life together becomes intolerable.

The seed (the offense) must first be planted. Roots grow. If we allow the seed to sprout and take root, then the plant of bitterness will grow and affect increasing areas of life.

On the other hand, we can pull out that root. If we exercise a little resolve here or there we can put some small offenses aside. In such cases, we will forget that the root is still buried in the ground. By God’s grace we need to dig the dirt away from the root to expose it. Then the root can be easily pulled out. Let’s go on and see how to do this. Meanwhile, don’t let the bitter seed be planted! Avoid taking offense by always forgiving one another.

Life Application: Is it a policy in your marriage to always forgive each other?

B) Principles for Overcoming Bitterness

As we begin discussing how to eliminate bitterness, we need to see how the roots are entrenched into the soil. Many people have attempted to pull out the roots to no avail. As a home gardener, I know how difficult it is to pull out weeds that have been allowed to grow. Let’s look at some of the main principles we have learned.

• The bitter root grows from a seed. The seed is the original offense. The offense is an event, a word, a comment, facial expression or some such thing that has been perceived as a wrong done to me that I never forgave. Until this issue is identified, it cannot be completely pulled out. It can be made smaller by ripping the plant apart. I might even get part of the root, but it will continue growing unless it is completely eradicated.

• The strength of the root is dependent upon how much the bitterness has been nurtured. The bitterness is nurtured by taking secret delight in plotting revenge. The root of bitterness is protected by a faulty defense logic that asserts my right or duty to harm another. As long as these both stand, then the root cannot be extracted. These faulty arguments must be exposed in order to get at the root. By exposing and destroying this line of thinking, God can start speaking again to my conscience through guilt. That in turn begins to work on me. As it is, pride in my desire for” righteous” judgment keep guilt far away.

• Bitter people are difficult to counsel because they continually going through a cycle of thoughts, that both justify myself and accuse the other. Usually breakthroughs don’t come until cycle is broken. Before deep root extraction begins, we need to discern how Satan confuses my cycle of thoughts. It is much like a rut. Even if I am able to get out, it is too easy to fall back in.

• God’s Word must penetrate my mind so that I can see that Jesus really condemns what I am doing. I must recognize that there are dire consequences if I don’t change. In fact, I am already troubled. Troubles are often the tools God uses to cause a person to be open to the truth and then be delivered from the deception.

The difficulty in pulling out the root is that it is so intertwined that it is hard to isolate and identify let alone pull out. Usually God will use a crisis to sufficiently humble me to the point at which I am willing to deal with bitterness the way God desires. When I am willing to forgive, then the whole root of bitterness is exposed and begins to wither. Once I forgive, God forgives. In this sense bitterness is a great delusion. Let’s go through four basic biblical concepts that are necessary to heal break the bitterness cycle and relate them to our marriages.

1) Jesus said that we are to forgive with liberality.

We are to forgive everyone all the time. Just preceding the story above about the man who did not forgive, Jesus said these words.

Then Peter came and said to Him, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.” (Matthew 18:21-22)

Some people try to discover circumstances in which they might not have to forgive. There are not any! Usually these people are trying to find an excuse not to forgive someone. God’s command to bring forgiveness to every possible offense swallows up every opportunity for bitterness to sneak in. I go by this policy. I liberally treat people with love. If this general love is not sufficient, then I need to take another step. I purposely forgive that person in my heart. We will talk about how to do this later. As ambassadors of His kingdom, we only have the right to love and show forth a mercy that God wants to distribute to the people of the world.

Namely, that God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and He has committed to us the word of reconciliation. Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ… (2 Corinthians 5:19-20)

Forgiveness doesn't mean someone hasn't done something wrong. It means they did! The difference is that you are as Jesus instructed not holding that moral debt against them. We forgive because God forgave us. By forgiving another you allow God's divine grace to mightily work through your life just as Jesus did. It is only here we find real hope to overcome severe problems in marriages.

Marriage: The husband and wife must continually forgive each other for every wrong that is done or perceived to have been done. There must not be even one situation or circumstance that I will not forgive. When getting married, it is wise to realize that your spouse, no matter how much you sense their love at that moment, will one day say or do some offensive things. Make a decision that no matter how mean, harsh or selfish your spouse is you will forgive them because Christ has forgiven you for much, much worse things. Take steps to clean out the unforgiveness issues from the past. Presently forgive anything that needs to be forgiven. Prepare for the future by pledging to God that you will forgive everyone, every time, for everything.

2) The scriptures state that taking vengeance is alone God’s prerogative.

Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, “VENGEANCE IS MINE, I WILL REPAY,” says the Lord. (Romans 12:19)

When man attempts to distribute justice often it turns into further offenses. Personal vengeance is a far cry from God’s judgment. God tells us to take our hands off those who offend us. God Himself will carry out proper justice. He is the just Judge who will exercise full judgment when He sees fit. I have no right to ‘pay back’ a person for the wrong he has done to me. “Never pay back evil for evil to anyone: (Romans 12:17). We are not stating that man does not deserve judgment but only that we are not here on earth to carry out the job. Instead, we now have an obligation to love others and show people God’s grace. We must focus on the job at hand. Indeed it is far more glorious!

Our tendency is to justify our evil thoughts and ways by thinking we are doing good by carrying out God's justice. God tells us not to.

Marriage: We are one in marriage. If we judge our spouse, then we make our spouse our enemy. Our spouse at times does deserve God’s judgment. This is true. But judgment means that the time of grace has expired. Instead we are to plead with God that He would give grace to our partner. I, as the spouse, am the most appropriate person to plead for God’s grace for my partner. Vengeance is not the way. Jesus refused to take revenge; so should we (cf. John 3:17).

3) God has told us to put on kindness, forgiveness and love and put off hatred and slander in all of its forms.

And so, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you. (Colossians 3:12-13)

But now you also, put them all aside: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and abusive speech from your mouth. (Colossians 3:8)

We must never embrace hatred even for a moment. We are God’s people born of grace. These responses do not characterize Christ in us. Christ is working through us. We focus on extending grace. We are to forgive as we have been forgiven.

Marriage: Marriage gives us plenty of opportunities to show God’s loving grace! We no doubt get offended more at home than anywhere else. Marriage is the place we are trained to be like our Father in heaven. Early each day we meet with our Lord asking for all the love and kindness that we need for all the people we meet through the day including our spouse. Then we get to distribute His love throughout the day!

4) We must trust God even in difficult times of oppression.

Blessed are those who have been persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when men cast insults at you, and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely, on account of Me. Rejoice, and be glad, for your reward in heaven is great, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you. (Matthew 5:10-12)

We are sometimes tempted to alter our policies toward others when they badly mistreat us. True we are expected and commanded by God to love others at all times. We all owe each other love. When it is withheld through deliberate meanness and bitterness of heart, then God will judge. Christ, however, gives us a totally different way from the world to think about oppression. He tells us that it is a circumstance to take joy in. We can turn the evil one’s purpose around by loving those who hate us.

We can turn the occasion for bitterness into an opportunity to minister. Instead of holding back God’s grace by being bitter, we forgive and receive God’s grace to love that person. This is the strongest weapon we have in breaking the hardness of our spouse’s hardness to God’s love. Romans 12:20-21 speaks about allowing the conscience fully to work when we respond with loving reactions rather than bitterness.

BUT IF YOUR ENEMY IS HUNGRY, FEED HIM, AND IF HE IS THIRSTY, GIVE HIM A DRINK; FOR IN SO DOING YOU WILL HEAP BURNING COALS UPON HIS HEAD. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. (Romans 12:20-21)

Marriage: Even when our spouse turns on us with the meanness of an enemy, God has given us clear plans of operation.

1) First, I am to forgive. Only by forgiving can I take the next step.

2) I am then to treat my spouse with a love that they really don’t deserve. If a husband hits his wife in a fit of rage, we all know that the husband does not ‘deserve’ any kindness in return. But it is through extending undeserved kindness (perhaps making a very nice meal) that we have our only chance of turning around a mean spouse.

3) I am to rejoice in my opportunity to show love in such extreme situations. Why? Because everyone who witnesses love in such extenuating circumstances knows it is from God. It is a modern day miracle occurring in our living rooms or bedrooms.

Summary

The truth of God provides the weapons we need to destroy the greatest ploys of the enemy. Bitterness is no exception. Deep roots of bitterness have been pulled out of people’s lives. They are not the same any more. Satan had dominated their minds with bitterness. Now the person is no longer the same.

Although we know these truths, we need work through the steps of destroying the root of bitterness. We have the ammunition. Now we need to apply it to our lives.

C) Steps to Eliminate a Bitter Heart

The following thoughts are good for keeping bitterness away from our lives as well as for laying the foundation to take down the stronghold of bitterness. Do you see how we are destroying the root of bitterness? Step by step we apply God’s Word to the faulty thinking behind the bitterness. As we carefully inject God’s truth into the conscience, they are further convicted by God’s Spirit. Yes, they might still be prideful, but if we are praying we should see that God is opening a door for reconciliation.

We will be addressing this issue with a couple in mind. Let us consider two situations: 1). a mild more typical case of bitterness and 2). A rare more extreme case.

1) Dealing with Mild cases of bitterness

First remember that the seed of bitterness has already been planted and has started to put out roots. We are not saying that great danger is not in store for this couple. The fact is that if they do not pull out its tiny seed, then it can easily grow to be a strong oak. This is what Hebrews warns us of. We should also remember that as much as we accept bitterness, then we are to the same degree not able to carry out love. The marriage will very quickly decline in affection and warmth.

The only advantage is that this person’s mind is not totally blocked by certain lies so he can still reason. In other words, the couple can still have a normal conversation. The cycle of lies only infiltrates part of the mind.

In this case, we need to find the seed of bitterness. Name the little offense that caused a reaction. Offense can happen so easily. Even if we think we are innocent of any wrong, bitterness can still grow in our partner. Bitterness can sometimes be founded upon an assumed wrong motive. I assumed that he did a certain thing because… when in fact his motivation was flawless. So we must always act as an off duty policeman. When we notice our spouse’s coldness, then we need to discern what is going on. We need to thoroughly pull that seed out before it puts down any roots. Once the roots are in place, it is more difficult to break through. If we don’t take care of it as quickly as possible, it allows our spouse to feel that their coldness or highly charged emotion are the best way to deal with letting us know that they are offended.

What do I do when I sense my spouse is giving me the “cold shoulder” and isolates me?

Check for something you have done wrong.

First pray and ask the Lord to prompt you about anything you have done wrong. Pay close attention to what He brings to your mind. Then you can gently ask your spouse what you have done to offend them. I would like to think the latter works, but more often than not, my pride is too big for me to be corrected. In other words, I probably would have not have caused the offense if I was sensitive to the Lord in the first place. But due to the urgency to prevent this problem from turning into bitterness, I still try to resolve it right away.

Resolve to solve it before sleep.

BE ANGRY, AND yet DO NOT SIN; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity (foothold). (Ephesians 4:26-27)

The scriptures are quite clear. Anger, which is a normal and good emotion, can be turned into bitterness if not dealt with quickly. I are not to let the sun go down on my anger. I am to deal with any anger that very day. Anger’s purpose is to motivate me to deal with something quickly. But if I delay solving the problem and confronting the person, bitterness takes root. Then the anger that was helping urge me on to a timely resolution actually becomes my weapon. I use that anger and wrath to hurl words that are laced with fire that further wound my partner.

My wife and I go to bed close to the same time. We have some of our best conversations in bed before falling asleep. We can easily detect if the normal tender kindness is missing. It might be the cold back treatment or brusque words in answer to my question. Sometimes we can sense that something is not quite right. If both husband and wife are determined to solve matters before we sleep, then we have a good solid platform for reconciliation. I can remember praying late into the night on several occasions for God to heal our relationship.

God suggests that by allowing the offense to brew overnight, then the roots of bitterness have already begun to grow. What amazing growth! We give the devil an opportunity to toy with our minds when we have sinned. Sin shuts off our sensitivity to God and His truth. As long as this sin is not resolved, then we give an opening to Satan. He can deviously move in with his temptations and set up a base through which he can destroy our marriage.

3) Forgive and don’t wait to be asked

Don’t wait for your spouse to ask for be forgiveness before you give it. Not a few individuals have asked me whether they should forgive someone who has not asked for forgiveness. Jesus says we need to. It is much nicer and the process complete if the offender asks, but even if he hasn’t, we still must forgive.

Many Christians have allowed an offense to stay in their heart too long. Every time this is done, our relationship with that person sours. So if our spouse has not lived out the law of love, then we should simply dismiss it. If we can’t, then we should go through the process of confrontation, apology and forgiveness.

Even if our spouse does not ask for forgiveness, we should still forgive them in our hearts. We don’t need to tell them “I forgive you.” That can sound rather arrogant. We should, however, tell our Lord we have forgiven him. As we do it in our hearts, we should seek a way to concretely express our love to our spouse. We can always seal our forgiveness with a prayer for blessing on that person.

Gently confront

This is difficult to implement until the couple is aware of the seriousness of the problem. The offender has in most cases done wrong and is on the defensive. The offended is thinking he is right to be offended. So who is going to confront? Whoever notices the problem first. Much like cancer, the earlier it is detected, the easier it is to deal with.

More than likely the offended spouse will not bring up the issue. We need to be so careful in confronting. Prayer and humility go a long way in helping the process along. Never start by saying, “You did …” If you are the offended, begin by saying, “When you said those words about eating this afternoon, it really hurt me. I tried to put it out of my mind, but it really bothers me.” If you are the offender and notice that your spouse is keeping his or her distance, bring up the issue with something like, “I know I spoke roughly this afternoon, could we talk about it a little. Let me start by apologizing for the way I spoke. …”

We don’t want to wait for too long after the situation has occurred. We may forget the details. Neither should we react immediately to the situation for then we would tend to be defensive. The words ‘speak the truth in love’ are very important here. We should also remember to confront in such a way that we are not accusing the other but rather encouraging conversation about the situation. Be ready to forgive where we have done wrong.

If I see that my wife is giving me the cool or silent treatment, more likely than not I have somehow offended her. I might know what the offending incident or attitude is or I might not. Sometimes I think I know what it is but realize she has misjudged me. It doesn’t really matter much. I could be wrong. I will not be defensive. If I am found in the wrong, then I will apologize. The relationship is most important. My pride must go. I can follow through by asking her what is wrong. Perhaps I could say, “I noticed that you are quiet. Did I do anything that hurt you?” A wife might say, “You haven’t been talking much lately. Have I somehow displeased you?”

In any case, we must be dedicated to caring for our relationship.

Kindly discuss

We need to foster positive conversation. We want to talk about what we think we did and get down discussing what we really did. We are careful not to accuse each other. A person might wonder if it is worth talking about it. “Isn’t it better just to forget about it?” If our spouse is offended, then we need to deal with it.

If a couple regularly argues, then there is probably a lot of resentment already stored in the heart from other unresolved issues. Conflict arises easily in such situations. Refuse to accuse. Be a true friend. You are not trying to make yourself look right but have peace with each other.

Give both sides time to adequately present their own understanding of the issue. Remember, you are looking for the ‘thorn’ that has caused offense. If spotted, then you can go on to the next step.

Give time

Let’s not corner our spouse. God’s Spirit convicts us of sin. We do not need to takeover His job. We merely bring up the issue so that it does not sprout and slowly start growing. Again, we need to talk as much as possible and then pray. When a person starts getting defensive, then either change the direction of your conversation or come back and talk more later (hopefully the same day!) At times after we have fully discussed the issues, I have suggested, “Don’t you think you should apologize?” She responded to this.

Confess and forgive

When a person has done or said something wrong, he or she should apologize by first stating what he has done wrong and then ask for forgiveness. For example: “I’m sorry for speaking so rudely to you at lunch. It was improper. Will you please forgive me?” Of course we need to ask the Lord to forgive us too. If both partners have done wrong, let the husband go first. If one spouse is stubborn, then let the humble one start.

What happens if only one spouse apologizes when both have done wrong? We are so foolishly stubborn at times. Go as far as you can. Let the person who did apologize first rejoice God has cleared that part up. His or her heart is clean. Now he can start praying for the spouse. Be warned though that your spouse may accuse you of manipulation when you start to pray. The one that has been forgiven needs to be careful or he could be offended by his spouse’s unwillingness to apologize. He could end up worse than at first. If we go by the policy that we are going to forgive even if the other person doesn’t forgive, then Satan can’t sneak in and take advantage of our progress. You are going to forgive their debt of love even if he doesn’t ask for it.

Now if the stubborn spouse asks for forgiveness later on, forgive and affirm your love for one another. And praise God that no root of bitterness grew up out of that situation.

2) Handling Extreme Bitterness

What we have just said about dealing with mild bitterness is also true in dealing with extreme bitterness. There are other things also need attention. Bitterness is not an easy thing to break through when its roots have grown deep over the years. The best approach is to deal with offenses as they come up.

Always have hope? God is with you

Always have hope in what God can do. We should not say that any situation is impossible. I have seen two absolute miracles in the way God dealt with people bound by bitterness. One was about to be shipped to a long-term psychiatric unit. The other person would have been there had others known what he was thinking. Their pride was sky high. But God intervened through many people’s prayers. His abounding grace melted that pile of pride down to nothing in mere minutes. Always have hope. Always press the Lord for deliverance. Today is the day of salvation.

Remember that the evil one doesn’t want anyone to intercede for these people. This is why grace and mercy are the only things that can break through such barriers. If you are offended by them, then you won’t pray for them. We need to be in the ministry mode seeing ourselves as one light in the very dark world of the embittered spouse. At times you might be the only light in a very dark cave where both spouses are bitterly angry at each other.

Expect Trouble: Deeply Entrenched Roots

We have explained that there are two faulty perceptions: (1) A focus on the offense and offender and (2) justification of my wrong response. They grow in parallel. We need to take the different truths mentioned above and share them with our spouse as much as possible. They might spit it out like a baby who doesn’t like some new food. We need to seek God’s timing.

Sometimes if we can identify the real offense then it can bring a lot of help. They might be generally mad at their dad but don’t know why.

Other times it helps to show the terrible consequences that God has been bringing upon them because of their disobedience. We must also remind them that in disobedience to God they have not forgiven someone. Go beyond this and remind them of the many acts of kindness that they have missed because of the hatred in their heart.

That is right. Mention the truth so that their pile of guilt will overflow their defensive system of self-justification. Again, remember we are not doing this in an accusing way but in a gentle and yet explanatory way. We are just uncovering what is there. We do not need to accuse. But by exposing it, we let the Spirit of God do His work.

Look for Miraculous Breakthroughs

We need to be like Jesus in Isaiah 50.

"The Lord God has given me the tongue of disciples, that I may know how to sustain the weary one with a word. He awakens me morning by morning; He awakens my ear to listen as a disciple. The Lord God has opened my ear; and I was not disobedient, nor did turn back." (Isaiah 50:4-5).

Intimidating foes only can be broken by waiting upon the Lord. The counselor or friend must throw himself on the Lord for grace and truth. He needs grace to be gracious to a mean and bitter person. This is not easy.

Secondly, he needs the truth that God gives him. Notice how in the passage above that he was a listener. He was a disciple learning from the Father. This is what Jesus did regularly in the course of His ministry. There is no greater spouse than the one who so intercedes like this on behalf of the spouse.

Make sure they know and hear the Gospel

Those who do not exercise grace perhaps have never been saved. They might profess to be a Christian, but we should have them tell us again how they came to know the Lord. If we have experienced God’s grace, then we are less likely to be engrossed in taking revenge. Make sure they hear the Gospel of Christ Jesus that God died for sinners. I like to share from Romans 5:1-10 where we see three ways we are described before we are saved: helpless (6), ungodly (6) and sinners (8). All grace. We deserved nothing but gained everything.

Be patient

The process might take a while. They might even be bitter toward you. Think of it like this. Though it might not sound encouraging, they might not acknowledge their bitterness until the very end. We have seen several people come to the Lord on their deathbed. But even if it takes so long, are you not prepared to so love your spouse. We hope so. This is the covenant we have made before the Lord.

Distract with the truth

We know that the bitterness grows and sustains itself by focusing on the offense. Pray for wisdom for how to take their mind off such topics. Sometimes pain will do it. Other times getting them away from their environment. Often they are not eager to meet new people. But with these opportunities to change their circumstances, try to share some illustrations of the power of forgiveness. Start by sharing your story and how God saved you!

If you can get them from thinking in the same pattern, then you can implant the seed of truth that can combat the seed of bitterness. For example, we might interweave the truth about how only God has the right to judge others. Oh how we need to pray for such people.

Ask questions

We can ask them key questions: Why do you seem so unhappy? Why don’t you want to go anywhere? Were you always like this? What started your bitterness? If people have such bitterness, they sometimes will tell you what is wrong but be very biased. We need to explore for the truth. Ask them if they are willing to take a few steps to regain that beautiful marriage.

D) Practical steps for the couple to take

We would like each couple to take a few important steps. Each spouse that is reading this should understand that bitterness is always wrong and never beneficial. It is a root that springs forth trouble. None of us want marriages like that. Would you make a few decisions today?

(1) Always forgive your spouse. You will always forgive everyone. If you have other thoughts that tell you that must be mean to him or her, then just note that these are satanic temptations. Reject them. The Lord’s voice is saying be gracious as I am always gracious to you.

Just substitute your name in the sentence, “I ___your name__ will always forgive my spouse right away for any wrong thing he or she has done against me.” Remember by your forgiveness you are not saying that your spouse deserves forgiveness or that his or her evil is unimportant, but simply that you forgive the moral debt your mate owes you.

(2) Catch up on the past. You want to get the entire bitter root out of your own heart. It is true you cannot do it for your spouse but you can at least clear up what bitterness lies in your own heart. If you are a couple doing this, then each of you take a piece of paper and write down everything your spouse has done that has bothered you. If you have forgotten it, then it was covered in your general love. Focus only on those things that bother you and you feel a little bit of resentment over. If a couple is doing this together, then let the husband start.

He should lead in a prayer in which they as a couple seek His forgiveness for all of their stored up bitterness. After this, the wife should confirm this in prayer. Then the husband goes through his list. He does not attack her or discuss any of the issues. Your spouse might want to discuss them later. Now is time for forgiveness. You might want to start with the most offending items. Name them one by one and then tell your spouse that although you have been offended by these things, you now wholly forgive for every one of them.

He then needs to ask her for forgiveness for storing up resentment and withholding his love and grace. He can say, “I have sinned by storing up resentment and withholding my full love and affection from you. Will you forgive me for all of this?” The wife should follow. After doing this, I would suggest going back to the Lord and ask His help in making you a couple full of His graciousness, always ready to forgive.

Your spouse might not be here today. That is fine. You still need to do follow up work. It might be a bit more awkward, but it is still needed. If your spouse is a Christian, then share what you have learned and what you would like to do. Even if your spouse does not have an understanding or agrees in heart about these matters, you can still proceed.

(a) First confess your sins to the Lord.

(b) Write your list and confess that because of your resentment you have failed your spouse. In your heart (this is the big difference) forgive them.

(c) Aloud ask forgiveness for your failures.

Remember it is not necessary to tell your spouse what you were offended by. This is more for you than for him or her. In the minimum tell the Lord. If your spouse is a non-Christian or easily irritated, don’t mention this process. They might take it as if you are attacking them. The list is so that you can fully clean out your register of bitterness. Afterwards, burn up or rip up your list. Discard it. It is gone. Now express your love.

(3) Discuss procedure. You have made a commitment not to withhold forgiveness. If you have done this with your spouse, then you can set up some clear rules that will help you resolve differences.

(a) Urgency of forgiveness (by bed time)

(b) Arrange a signal that you need to talk.

(c) Arrange for a certain place for discussion (eg. dining room table).

(d) Peaceably mention your resentment.

(e) Pray together before beginning any discussion.

Conclusion

A single well-placed stone brought down the towering giant. That little stone is a forgiving spirit. When a person affirms release of that moral debt as Jesus commanded, he then opens the streams of God's grace to shower upon him. Instead of playing into the devil’s hand, the spouse becomes God's divine agent of love. A forgiving spirit releases all the hostilities one has in his heart. A forgiving spirit again allows God's love to touch you and your spouse with His sweet waters of grace. No offense is so great or enduring that it cannot or should not be forgiven.

There is pain in forgiving. Sometimes the pain is severe. But still the words and example of Jesus call us to trust Him as we faithfully obey Him in always forgiving everyone.

Let the spirit of forgiveness rule our homes and hearts, and our marriages and families will never be the same. Jesus will live there! Jesus' command to liberally forgive is not to limit us to some lesser life but to free us to live in the power of His Spirit. Our ministry is to bring grace into the marriage not to cause a shortage of it. With this resentment gone, the marriage is instantly so much sweeter and pleasant. Is this not the reason we got married in the first place?

By Pastor Moses

Moses and Wife

Moses and Wife

Danger of not taking our marriage covenants seriously

Danger of not taking our marriage covenants seriously!

Marriage is a covenant between man and woman in marriage. Many times we take this covenant lightly and we forget that God honors and very serious with covenants. Most of the time we come before the Lord on our wedding day make covenants before the God and don’t take it seriously and in a few years we divorce. My brothers and sisters, covenants made before the Lord last forever. In proverbs 18:20-22 we read about the power in words and the passage ends by saying “he who finds a wife, does a good thing and finds favor with the Lord” so after we have made our marriage vows, we should honor the Lord by keeping our marriage covenants. If we don’t, then we are sinning against the Lord. So marriage is forever we should not play with it and we should always be sure of our selves before committing our selves to marriage. Remember marriage is a total commitment of the total person for a total life. We always need to ask Him to join us to be one flesh.

Only God can create a “one-flesh” relationship between a man and a woman. Know further that this one flesh condition is created through the making of a vow, and is called a covenant for life; which can be broken only by the physical death of one of the partners. Any offspring of Adam who has become a part of such a covenant must understand this and realize that either partner can violate this covenant repeatedly but it is scripturally impossible to break it.

Let me share with you some rationalizations I often hear. "Yes, I know that remarriage is a sin because marriage is for life, BUT, life long marriages are God’s perfect will, and we have to be realistic. After all, Jesus was teaching God’s ideal, but we know that real life is not like that however. Yes, remarriage is a sin, but if you don’t believe God can forgive that sin of adultery, then you have found ‘the only unpardonable sin.’" Have you heard that before: "The unpardonable sin"? I have had many people present that argument to me. Actually, however, there are several answers to such an argument, and you need to know about them. One man said, "I have a friend who has been remarried for 25 years to the same woman. Does the permanence of their present, long term relationship make a difference?"

I said, "I’ll answer that if you will answer another question for me first." "How many other sins can you name those tend to die of old age?" Does lying? Sodomy? or Prostitution? Do any of these ever quit being sin if you do them long enough? How does the word of God say that we are to classify those who persist in living with anyone other than their first marriage partner, (Even if it is for 50 years.) while their first partner is still alive? In Romans 7:3, Paul the apostle called it a perpetual state of "adultery?" (She shall be called an adulteress.) I fact, in Galatians 1:8 & 9, Paul, who had supernaturally been given revelation truth directly from Jesus Christ, while in the Arabian Desert; said, "though we, or an angel from heaven, preach any other gospel unto you than that which we have preached unto you, let him be accursed. As we said before, so say I now again, If any man preach any other gospel unto you than that ye have received, let him be ACCURSED."

If we are talking of any sin, the unchanging biblical requirement for forgiveness is not to let it die of old age, but to repent of it, no matter how long it has been going on. It will never change its status; it is SIN! Please know that adultery is SIN; but it is much more than sin. It is the violation of a covenant. I can repent of my sin and be totally forgiven, but repentance and saying you are sorry does not affect, stop or change a covenant. You and I must repent of it, and, if possible, re-establish our relationship through complete forgiveness, or live a celibate lifestyle.

In Joshua 9, Joshua was proceeding to conquer the land promised to them, as God had commanded him to do. He was proceeding as directed, to kill all of the inhabitants of that land. In verse 3, when some of the Amorites, (One of the tribes inhabiting the land that God had commanded Joshua to destroy.) who lived in the city of Gibeon (called Gibeonites) heard that Joshua was coming to destroy them, the scriptures tell us that they decided to fool Joshua with trickery. They put on old clothes, took moldy bread, old wineskins, worn out shoes, and covered themselves with much dust. Then they rode their camels over the hill to meet Joshua and told him that they had come from a far away land, having heard of his great army and his God who was conquering all the nations before him. They said they had come to make a treaty with Israel. Please, make note of this important fact: they were lying through their teeth! In Verse 14 it says that Joshua and his men looked at, and were convinced that they were telling them the truth because of their appearance and the condition of their food and garments. The bible says they "didn’t even inquire of the Lord." Instead, vs. 15 says that Joshua and his leaders, “made a peace covenant with them."

Immediately after this, someone found out that they were not from far away, but instead, from just over the hill. Joshua and his men then realized that they had been lied to. You would think Joshua and his men would have risen up and killed all of them for their lies, and for making them look very foolish. You would think they would have said, like many today would say, "We didn’t know what we were doing, they fooled us." But; but, vs. 18 says, "And the children of Israel smote them not, because the princes of the congregation had sworn unto them by the Lord God of Israel." These men understood the seriousness of a verbal vow. They didn’t dare touch them. Instead, from then on Joshua not only let them live, but had to protect them from all of their enemies as he and his men had promised they would do in a covenant.

The next time we hear anything about this covenant with the Gibeonites, is in II Samuel 21:1, where it says; "Then there was a famine in the days of David three years, year after year; and David enquired of the Lord, and the Lord answered, it is for Saul, and for his bloody house, because he slew the Gibeonites." Evidentially, Saul was upset because there were so many of the Gibeonites working all around the tabernacle, and had many of them killed.

Remember now; originally, God had commanded Joshua to kill all the inhabitants of the Land. Now Saul had only killed a few, and the Lord had caused a severe drought to come upon the land of Israel because of that killing spree by Saul. God said the drought was Saul’s fault because he had killed these Amorites. Why would God do that to Israel when He had originally said "kill them all?" It was the COVENANT, and God is a Covenant honoring God!

David asked the Lord how he could resolve the problem and he went to the declared what the Lord had told him. He then asked the Gibeonites how he, as king, could honorably resolve this violation of the covenant with them to make atonement for the ones Saul had killed. In accordance with God’s standard for Israel, (if a life be taken, a life must be taken.) the Gibeonites told David to give them seven of Saul’s sons that they might hang them. He did, and they hanged them. In II Samuel 21:14c is a very shocking and enlightening statement: it says; "And after that (after Saul’s seven sons were hanged.) God was entreated for the land." After the covenant was vindicated, God again answered David’s prayer and ended the drought.

Can you imagine how much David must have prayed and wept before the Lord during those three years and had no results, until he had made restitution for the covenant that was devised in deception; but confirmed by God because of the verbal agreement (covenant) that was spoken before God, without seeking His counsel? Once the covenant was stated in His presence, it was acknowledged, confirmed and enforced by God Himself.

How many times have you heard people try to get out of a promise by saying, "I didn’t know what I was saying," or "I didn’t understand the seriousness of what I was saying at that time." To that, God says; "A covenant is a covenant, is a covenant, and I am a Covenant honoring God." - Even a covenant that may have been born in deception, or through flippancy.
THE POWER OF A COVENANT

For another example, look at Genesis 25:29, where we read about Jacob and Esau. Esau had just come in from the field; was very hungry, and asked his brother Jacob for some pottage he was cooking. Jacob evidently immediately saw an opportunity to take advantage of a very unique situation. In verse 31, he said to his brother Esau, "Sell me this day thy birthright." Esau responded by saying, man, I am starving and you are worried about a birthright? "Big deal!" Jacob wisely responded in verse 33 by saying: "Swear to me this day." (Literally: vow to God that it is mine.) The same verse says; "And Esau swore to Jacob" that he could have his birthright. The end of verse 34 says, "Esau despised his birthright."

Many today might say, "That was just two brothers messing around. God certainly isn’t going to get up tight about a little foolish thing like that. A lot of people say dumb things like that and don’t even think about it. I surely hope you wouldn’t try to make a doctrine out of that."

They would be absolutely right about one thing: There are millions of young people today who are making vows before God and many other witnesses, during their marriage ceremonies who are later on saying, it really didn’t mean anything, we were just dumb kids and we didn’t know what life was all about. "God certainly isn’t going to hold us accountable for the promises we made in the excitement of young puppy love." Before anyone gets too comfortable with those thoughts, turn with me to Hebrews 12:14-17. Here, the writer to the Hebrews, under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, spoke "God breathed words," that should haunt every person who has treated past covenants lightly.

So as we come back to God’s principals, should always know that He made marriage genesis 2:24-25 and that He is a covenant keeper and that He hates divorce Malachi 2; 13-16.

S o to avoid the temptation and falling in this sin, let us avoid being separated for long, 1corithians 7:3-5, for the tempter comes when there is separations. Remember what he did to Jesus after separating Him from the people and sending Him to the wilderness, he came and tempted Him.

Do you have a mentor in marriage? Do you want to mentor others in marriage? Then join us here at marriage restoration network Uganda and help the married couple come back to see God’s principals concerning marriage.

By Pastor Moses.

Moaes & Ruth

Moaes & Ruth

MARRIAGE IS FOR FULFILLING GOD'S WORK.

MARRIAGE IS FOR FULFILLING GOD’S WORK; When we think of marriage, we have so many thoughts about. Many of us have lots expectations in marriage. We have likes and dislikes, what we expect our spouse to meet our standard. But the question is, “is that the meaning of marriage?” Marriage is not for fulfilling our desires, likes and dislikes. Marriage is for fulfilling God’s work. God had a plan for this world, and who will look after it. So He planed who will do that, and He said let us make man in our Image that He takes charge of the earth. Let us look at what the bible says; genesis chapter 1:26 says;- 26 Then God said, "Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, [a] and over all the creatures that move along the ground." So God created man to have dominion and rule the earth. After He has done that and placed man on earth he say that some thing was not right. Genesis 2:18 says;- The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." So after God had made man and commissioned him, He noticed that there was something which was not right, and that man needs someone to help him fulfill His purposes. In God’s sight marriage is for fulfilling His purposes; a wife if to help man have dominion over the earth, she has to help him rule the earth, she has to help the man to subdue it and she has to help her husband multiply and fill the earth. This also applies to the man. He has to help his wife dominate, rule, have dominion and replenish the earth. The bible also says in Ephesians 5:26 that WHY DID GOD CREATE MAN AND WOMAN? We have seen that God created man and woman in a very special way. We have also seen that there was a vital relationship between God and man. Why did God do this? Was He just interested in making someone who different from the rest of His creation? The answer is no. he had a special purpose for man and woman. The purpose was for them to “Be fruitful and multiply, fill the earth and subdue it; and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the air and over every living thing that moves upon the earth” genesis 1:28. The Lord took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to till it and keep it. Genesis 2:15. In summary God created man and woman so that they should;- • Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth. • Subdue the earth • Have dominion over the fish of the sea, the birds of the air and every living thing that moves upon the earth. • Till the garden and keep it. So God purpose in creating man was to have a co-worker who would co-operate with Him and carry out His work and for His glory working in His limits and timing. Man was created not to satisfy his needs but to satisfy God’s needs. We conclude therefore that when man leaves God aside, His needs, plans and purposes, he leaves God aside. So marriage is to serve this purpose for the glory of the Highest God. We all need to remember that God’s work is to be done in God’s way, should be done in His timing, with vital fellowship with Him, in His power and for His glory only. So when we start thinkg about marriage, we must know that marriage is to help us do His work better. HOW DID IT START? AFTER God had created man and given him the commission and work for Him, God soon found out than man could not accomplish His work as he was. There was a need for a helper. Man was alone and needed a companion who would help him to do God’s work. I strongly believe that the need for a wife was a need for a partner who could help man to accomplish God’s work. He was a lonely laboring man that God concluded by saying “it is not good that man should be alone, I will make him a helper fit for him” genesis 2:18. The helper was to be a compatible helper, not just and helper. She had to be fit to help to do God’s work. Go intends a wife to a helper fit to help a man do His work. God is not a dreamer, H saw man’s need for a helper fit to help him accomplish His purposes, He did not leave things the way they were. He went out to put what He saw into action. He began to look for a helper fit for man. He could have added something or created some other man for Adam to relationship with that he would accomplish His work without a need for a helper. He did not do so. He decided to look for someone else, apart from himself, who is fit in a vital relationship with Himself to accomplish the work. So serious was the task of finding a compatible partner that even God did not find it easy. There was a seeking process and an elimination process. The bible says in genesis 2:18-23 18 The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." 19 Now the LORD God had formed out of the ground all the beasts of the field and all the birds of the air. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. 20 So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds of the air and all the beasts of the field. But for Adam no suitable helper was found. 21 So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs and closed up the place with flesh. 22 Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. 23 The man said, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman, ' for she was taken out of man." We have said that when God decided to make a helper fit for man, He did not find the process of choosing easy. There was a seeking process and an elimination process. The Lord did not impose His own choice on man; rather, He brought various possibilities to man and allowed man to be the final decider in the whole matter. Look at this examples of what God did;- 1. God brought every beast of the field, but Adam did not find a helper fit for him. 2. He brought every bird of the air to him, but he just gave them names and that was all. 3. He also brought the cattle of the field to Adam, the reaction was the same. From what we have seen above, God did not dictate to man whom he was to choose. He presented the possibilities to man and left it to man to decide. God therefore gave man total freedom as to whom he could have as his helper. Look at what the Bible says in Genesis 2:20b These creatures where helpers to Adam, but they were not fit. The helper Adam was looking for was a special helper fit to help him to accomplish God’s work. Man was looking for the best. The fact that man did not just accept anything that was brought to him by the Lord God shows that he clearly understood the fact that God was not forcing things on him. It further shows the fact that he knew what he was looking for and therefore, was prepared to wait until he found what he wanted. He was more or less saying that although he needed a helper, he would rather stay without a helper than have just any helper. He understood the full implication of having a helper. He knew that the helper he accepted would influence him in a most profound way, and that he could succeed or fail in his life’s goal, depending on who that helper was. So marriage in God’s purpose requires two helpers fit to help each other to accomplish the work of God. Marriage is the union of two helpers fit to accomplish God’s work. So after knowing that marriage is not for fulfilling our purposes but to do His work, it involves searching and waiting. Let us look at what the Bible says in proverbs 18:22 He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the LORD. The search for Adams helper took much time and waiting. She was not easy to come by, but at last she was found. This time he did not do like the other three times, he accepted her fully and with total joy. He made her his choice. Look at what he said “at last” meaning the search has ended, and the choice made. Now in marriage after you make your choice, this is what happens, Genesis 2:24 therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. In these verses we that after the leaving, there is a cleaving and becoming one flesh not two any more. Then the work starts of helping your mate to Genesis 1:28 Then God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth.” Ephesians 5:21-33 21 submitting to one another in the fear of God 22 Wives submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 for the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. 24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. 28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. 30 For we are members of His body of His flesh and of His bones. 31 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. With the husband having one supreme responsibility to their wives. It is that they should labour, strive and work so that they may on the Day of Judgment, present their wives to Christ in splendor without spot without wrinkle Without blemish. Without spot means that she should be without sin. Without wrinkle means that she should maintain her first love for the Lord Jesus. Without blemish means that the fruit of the spirit should mature in her in such a way that she will present the full spectrum of the character of Christ. According to God’s purpose in marriage, a man is to set himself life-long goals. Yearly goals, monthly goals, weakly goals and daily goals on how to ensure that his wife grows in the splendor of the Lord Jesus. He is to ask himself at the end of each day, “Have I helped my wife today to grow in splendor?” if a man fails to prepare his wife in such a way that he will present her to the Lord in splendor, then he has failed as far as his marriage is concerned. Now in conclusion let us look at two important things before marriage. A YOU MUST CHOOSE. Why does God not just bring the wife He has for you along and say “Brother Moses, here is the perfect life partner that I have for you”? If He did so, you would have lost the power of choice and you might one day complain about the fact that you were not allowed to choose. Adam complained when he said “The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me fruit of the tree, and I ate.” Genesis 3:12. He declined all responsibility for the action she led him into because he was only the tool of the woman. So God will not impose His choice on you. In a sense He considers you as sovereign, and this includes the freedom of choice. In the Bible, Jacob wanted Rachel and was frustrated when they gave him Leah. He worked until he had Rachel, whom he loved. The Bible says “A prudent wife is from the Lord” proverbs 19:14. But this prudent wife fro the Lord has to be found. It also says “He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favour from the Lord”. Proverbs 18:22. Proverbs 31:10 says “A good wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels” so a good wife has to be found, she will be obtained as the result of diligent searching. YOU WILL HAVE WHAT YOU HAVE CHOSEN God is prepared to guide you in your search and in your choice. He promises to do so. In His word He says, “I will instruct you and teach you the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you. Be not like a horse or a mule, without understanding, which must be curbed with bit and bridle, else it will not keep with you” psalm 32:8-9. The Lord will instruct. He will guide. However, you must be obedient and you must have understanding. Again the word of God says “Do not be foolish, but understanding what the will of the Lord is” Ephesians 5:17. You can receive the Lord, be surrendered to Him, and yet be foolish and fail to understand His will. If you are like that, you will choose the wrong partner and suffer because of it. Someone may say,” well, I will just marry any believer. Anyone will be alright, we are the children of God.” this is simple foolishness. It is like saying, “I have two shoes and two feet, I can just wear any shoe on any foot. Tell me how comfortable will you be if your left foot is put into the right shoe? Will have a bad time or not? So a good marriage will only start when you know the Lord, know that marriage is for fulfilling God’s purposes. It will also be possible if you took time to search and choose the right partner. But all in all, let us seek the counsel of the Lord concerning our marriage. Be blessed and have a blessed marriage. Pastor Moses.

LESSONS FOR THE MEN

We teach men it is God's will for the husband to be responsible to his wife and that by doing so they are worshiping the Lord. we teach them to be committed to their wives for life, to love them, be the head of the family and a provider for his family. here are some of the lessons; The Husband's Responsibilities to His Wife ________________________________________ The Husband Should Be Committed to Marriage for Life. Multitudes of marriages in our society end in divorce. Consider the Bible teaching. Romans 7:2,3 -- Husband and wife are bound as long as they both live. One may remarry only when his spouse has died. To remarry while ones spouse is alive constitutes adultery. (Mal. 2:14-16) Matthew 19:3-9 -- Fornication is the only Scriptural grounds for divorce. One is guilty of adultery if he divorces for another reason and remarries. This constitutes adultery because he is still bound to his first wife, yet having the sexual union with another woman. (Matt. 5:31,32) Man should enter marriage fully realizing that it is a lifetime commitment. Divorce without Scriptural grounds should never be seriously considered nor discussed as an option. However, if one is in an unscriptural remarriage, he must leave it to avoid adultery (cf. 1 Cor. 7:10,11). The Husband Should Love His Wife. Some men act selfishly or even abuse their wives, and some even claim that the Bible says a man has the right to do this. But consider what the Bible really teaches. Ephesians 5:25-31,33 -- A man should love his wife as Christ loved the church and as he loves his own body. What can Jesus' love for the church teach husbands? Jesus' love was not a romantic mood or emotion but a choice or commitment. He did not wait till we acted lovingly toward Him but did what we needed even when our conduct was unattractive. This required serious sacrifice for our good. Likewise a husband should be committed to do his wife good, even if she is not acting lovingly toward him nor attracting him romantically. He must do good even at the cost of serious personal sacrifice. 1 Peter 3:7 -- A man should try to understand what his wife needs, rather than being bitter toward her (Col. 3:19). He will not expect her to do heavy work since she is not as strong. And he will respect her as being of equal spiritual value with himself. 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 -- A husband also shows love by expressing affection and fulfilling the wife's sexual needs. Jesus expressed loved for the church both by words and by deeds. If a husband properly loves his wife, he will tell her so, but he will also show it by his actions. The Husband Should Work to Provide for the Physical Needs of the Family. Many men leave their wives and children without the necessities of life because they quit their jobs for frivolous reasons or waste their income selfishly. Genesis 3:17-19 -- The man was required to labor despite hardships in order to have food. (Cf. 2 Thess. 3:10.) 1 Timothy 5:8 -- As the head of the family (see next point), a man should provide, not just for himself, but for his whole household. The Bible gives many examples of men having occupations or businesses outside the home. Many Bible examples show men employed away from the home in such occupations as shepherd, carpenter, physician, fisherman, merchant, farmer, sailor, preacher, tentmaker, etc. (See also Eph. 5:28,29). This is the God-given duty of the husband. No passage instructs the wife to do this. Man should not neglect his other responsibilities by over-emphasizing work. Yet one who neglects working, expecting his wife or other people to provide income for his family, is worse than an infidel. The Husband Should Be the Head of the Family. Some claim that man should not exercise authority over his wife or that his authority should be limited to just certain areas. In practice, women are often the leaders in making family decisions. But note: Ephesians 5:22-24 -- The husband is head of his wife as Christ is head of the church (see other verses below). Neither his wife nor their parents are the authority in his family (cf. Gen. 2:24). Love will lead a husband to consider the needs and desires of the wife and children. He will make decisions for the good of the whole group, not just to please himself. This requires discussion at times to understand the views of others. However, the husband does have the final authority, and will give account to God for his decisions. Often this responsibility is not a privilege but a burden. He needs the courage to stand for what he is convinced is best, even when the wife or children disagree. If the wife fails to fulfill her duties, this does not justify the husband in failing to fulfill his duties (Romans 12:17-21; Luke 6:27-35).

some of the marriage couples who attended Kabuga marriage seminar.

some of the marriage couples who attended Kabuga marriage seminar.

Weeding

Weeding


Moses preaching.

Moses preaching.

Marriage updates

Update of the ministry



Moses praying for married couples

Moses praying for married couples

Yokolamu and wife Robinah

Yokolamu and wife Robinah

Maize bags

Maize bags

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