Marriage is Hard Work.

Good marriages make strong churches, communities and maybe nations, but it needs hard work. They say it takes a village to raise a child. That may be the case, but the truth of the matter is that it takes a lot of slid, stable marriages to create a village. Always remember Marriage is not a noun; it’s a verb. It isn’t something you get. It’s something you do. Its the way you love your partner every day. Colossians 3:18-19 King James Version (KJV) 18 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.

Marriage is a Mystery

Ephesians 5:31-32 King James Version (KJV) 31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. 32 This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. A great marriage isn’t something that just happens; it’s something that must be created. A great marriage is not when the ‘perfect couple’ comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learn The greatest marriages are built on teamwork. The greatest marriages are built on teamwork, a mutual respect, a healthy dose of admiration, and a never-ending portion of love and grace.

Something married couples should remember.

Something married couple should remember. Collossians 3:17 King James Version (KJV) 17 And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him. Coming together is a beginning; keeping together is progress; working together is success. Once we figured out that we could not change each other, we became free to celebrate ourselves as we are. A long-lasting marriage is built by two people who believe in -and live by- the solemn promise they made to each other.

A Tip For The Married Couples.

A tip for the married couples Genesis 2:24 King James Version (KJV) 24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. In Marriage: Love is the reason. Lifelong friendship is the gift. Kindness is the cause. Till’ deaths do us part is the length. A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. Always remember being in a long marriage is a little bit like that nice cup of coffee every morning – I might have it every day, but I still enjoy it.

Tip my married friend should remember; Listening is one of the most important aspects of effective communication. Successful listening means not just understanding the words or the information being communicated, but also understanding how the speaker feels about what they’re communicating. Therefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger: James 1:19 KJV. In order to communicate effectively with someone, you don’t have to like them or agree with their ideas, values, or opinions. However, you do need to set aside your judgment and withhold blame and criticism in order to fully understand a person. The most difficult communication, when successfully executed, can lead to the most unlikely and profound connection with someone. When we communicate things that we care about, we do so mainly using nonverbal signals. Wordless communication, or body language, includes facial expressions, body movement and gestures, eye contact, posture, the tone of your voice, and even your muscle tension and breathing. The way you look, listen, move, and react to another person tells them more about how you’re feeling than words alone ever can. Developing the ability to understand and use nonverbal communication can help you connect with others, express what you really mean, navigate challenging situations, and build better relationships at home and work. I wish you the best in your communication that will lead to great relationships in your families.

Successful Relationship; A successful relationship is an inward journey which must be traveled using the right vehicle. Nobody enjoys his/her journey if he/she travels using a faulty vehicle. No one I know enjoy being rejected, ignored, disappointed, or pushed aside for a more suitable mate, yet it is these very reactions from the significant people in your life that force you to look inside yourself and ultimately to stretch, grow, and gain more knowledge and understanding about yourself. Falling in love is the easy part. It is effortless and pleasurable. Staying in love is the ultimate challenge. It takes energy, effort, time, concentration, knowledge, and commitment. Oddly enough, these are the same ingredients necessary to be successful in your professional life. The easy part is getting a job. The hard part is fulfilling the requirements that are necessary to remain employed. Love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, Meekness, temperance is the fuel and oil which runs the relationship to be successful.

Marriage Mystery

A mystery all married couples and those who intend to marry should think of; Ephesians 5:31-32 King James Version (KJV) 31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. 32 This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. According to the Bible, the marriage act is more than a physical act. It is an act of sharing. It is an act of communion. It is an act of total self-giving wherein the husband gives himself completely to the wife, and the wife gives herself to the husband in such a way that the two actually become one flesh. So friends, in marriage you better be wise: prefer the person before money, virtue before beauty, the mind before the body; then you will have a husband/wife, a friend, a companion, a second self.

Marriage is For Life

Genesis 2:24 King James Version (KJV) 24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. God intends and expects marriage to be a lifetime commitment between a man and a woman, based on the principles of biblical love. The relationship between Jesus Christ and His church is the supreme example of the committed love that a husband and wife are to follow in their relationship with each other. Always remember that Marriage is a total commitment and a total sharing of the total person with another person until death Becoming one flesh is a broad concept involving the totality of life. The context of Genesis 2 and the teaching of the rest of the Bible about marriage demand this. At the same time, it is generally recognized that there is no place where this total sharing is more beautifully pictured or fully experienced than in the sexual relationship of the man and his wife. A married person does not live in isolation. He or she has made a promise, a pledge, a vow, to another person. Until that vow is fulfilled and the promise is kept, the individual is in debt to his marriage partner. That is what he owes. “You owe it to yourself” is not a valid excuse for breaking a marriage vow but a creed of selfishness.

Communication Tips.

Communication tips to the married couples. This is to the one speaking; Communication is an art which can be learned, and if we do it right, you and your partner will enjoy the communication even when things are not that good. When it comes to great communication, you can’t beat the simple advice of James. “Take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires” (James 1:19-20). That is easier said than done, right? In fact, this may be hardest to do in marriage because of the great potential to feel hurt by those we love. 1. Speak for yourself. Don’t mind read. Talk about your thoughts, feelings, and concerns, not your perceptions or interpretations of the Listener’s point of view or motives. Try to use “I” statements, and talk about your own point of view. 2. Talk in small chunks. You will have plenty of opportunity to say all you need to say, so you don’t have to say it all at once. It is very important to keep what you say in manageable pieces to help the Listener actively listen. If you are in the habit of giving long monologues, remember that having the floor protects you from interruption, so you can afford to pause for the paraphrase to be sure your partner understands you. 3. Stop and let the Listener paraphrase. After saying a bit, perhaps a sentence or two stop and allow the Listener to paraphrase what you just said. If the paraphrase was not quite accurate, you should politely restate what was not heard in the way it was intended to be heard. Your goal is to help the Listener hear and understand your point of view. Next time we will come with some tips for the listener.

15 Basic Marriage Principles Married Couples Need to Know Overview Today's statistics on marriage are a little scary. Current studies show that 47% of all marriages end in Divorce. Numbers are no different between those who do and do not attend church. Most of the crime problems we have in the world today stem from the breakdown of the traditional values of the family. People used to get married and stay married. Kids used to have one set of parents their whole life. Today statistics show 1 in 3 children are born out of wedlock and more than half of the children in the world do not have a loving mom and dad to share their life with. Nobody goes into marriage thinking that it will end in divorce. It's like buying a new car. They all look and smell good when you take your first ride. So what's the problem? The Bible said there would be days like this. In the 1st chapter of Corinthians verse 21 Paul says: "….But those who marry will face many troubles in this life." To give us hope, in the 16th chapter of the Gospel of John verse 33, Jesus says: "I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have troubles, but take heart, I have overcome the world." Marriage is a union of two imperfect people coming together in a fallen and sinful world, both with good and bad traits, habits, sins, selfish desires…….both like sheep…gone astray and wanting to be happy. Paul says it's a formula for trouble. Jesus says even though you will have trouble, take heart because there is a solution. People study their profession for years. Engineers study between 4 to 7 years. Doctors study for 10 or more. It takes a plumber 6-10 years to perfect their trade. How many years did you study marriage before you decided to walk down the aisle? Could we have maybe hit on the solution? Most people do not know the basic principles God laid out for marriages to be successful. So what is that solution and how do we succeed? I and Pastor Jonathan and Pastor Patrick have been researching this subject for over 7 years. We all do marriage counseling along with our lovely wives of 31, 10, and 23 years and the following is a list of 15 basic principles that we think will make or break a marriage. These principles are aimed at two totally different sets of people. 1. Those who have never been married 2. Those are married and feel like the honeymoon is definitely over. In Mark chapter 4:34 there is a very interesting verse in the Bible. It says: “He (Jesus) did not say anything to them without using a parable." A parable is simply a word picture, analogy, or story that helps illustrate a principle. With this in mind I will use several analogies as I talk about the 15 principles below. 15 Principles 1. Listen to God…….the way football players listen to a coach.This is a key concept for all the other principles that follow. If you were going to be a football player, how would you prepare? You would LISTEN to the coach. You would spend time studying his instructions about what was involved in the game of football. I am amazed at how many times I ask people if they are having a daily quiet time with God and I usually get one of two answers: A. "Yes, I pray."(That's talking not listening) or B. "Yes I know I should but just don't do it all or the time." A few verses you might review: Psalm 37:4 says: "Delight yourself in the Lord and HE will give you the desires of your heart." If the desire of your heart is to have a happy marriage, perhaps you need to delight yourself in the Lord. How do you do that? Proverbs 3: 5-6 says: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean NOT to your own understanding. In ALL your ways acknowledge HIM and HE will make your paths straight." There are hundreds of verses plus an entire Psalm (119) devoted to this subject, but perhaps the most important is the verse found in John chapter 15 verse 5. We insist that the couples we council memorize this verse. John 15:5 "I am the vine, you are the branches. If a man (and woman) abides in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." Think of a grapevine (which is what he was referring to) when you read what Jesus is saying. How could a branch possibly survive if it was not a part of the vine? It could not! And yet we go our merry ways in life and marriage trying to make this relationship work without the author and King of all relationships. I spend every single morning reading God's word, thanking him for his teachings, my health, my wife, my children, etc., and then asking Him to show me how to love my wife and children as well as those He puts me in contact that day. I also ask him to order my day, as I, like you, never have enough time to do all that I have to do. I started this 10 years ago and it is the one thing I would recommend you do above all else. Actually if you get this part right, you can skip the next 14 principles as God will instruct you through this process. 2. Listen to your Spouse. You are taking your last course in college and you simply must pass to graduate. It's a big class. Where do you sit and what do you do? I would suggest that you would sit right in front of the professor and listen to him very intently, as you become a student of that subject with a goal in mind. That is the same intensity we try to train couples to use in their sharing time and we call it "Becoming a Student of your Spouse". Oneness is not automatic, but the result of shared experiences both good and bad. Think about it……How did the two of you fall in love in the first place? Didn't you share with one another for hours upon hours? For some reason we (especially men) forget this after we get married. The men usually clam up and especially do not talk about the bad things in their life and the women spend the little bit of time they can get from their husbands talking about the kids, the problems around the house. That is NOT what we are talking about here. Just like spending time with God, you also have to set a time aside in your busy day to spend quality time with each other sharing the way you feel. We have to train couples to do this in our counseling, as it does not come naturally. The verse we use is found in James chapter 1 verse 19: "Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger". It is an act of love to listen with eye to eye contact to what your spouse is sharing with you. Now that you know it, you will be blessed if you do this. One more thing…..mostly to the guys. When someone shares, do not try and tell them that they should not feel that way and do not try and tell them what to do the next time such and such happens. Just look at them, repeat what they said, and acknowledge that you understand. That's all you need to do. Sound easy? Try it. You will be amazed at how well it works if you can do it. 3. Learn How to Love Each Other Think of a fire that you start while camping. Falling in love was the spark that started your fire, but if you do not know how to continue to add fuel to your love fire it will go out just like that camp fire no matter how hot or big you get it. Most people do not really know what love is and many define love as a special feeling. True love is not a feeling but a decision to seek the welfare of the one whom is the object of your love. When the Jews asked Jesus what was the most important command was, He said it was to love God and love one another. In John 13:34 at the Last Supper He said: "A new command I give you: love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another." So love is actually a command that we receive from Jesus. He loved us unselfishly and finally gave His life for us and He says that is the way we should love one another. Not always looking to be loved, but instead we are to love one another unselfishly as He loved us. So how do we do that? You need to learn what your spouse's love languages are. There are five love languages that we talk about in our classes: Words, Actions, Time, Gifts, and Touch. Once you know which love languages works best for your spouse, you need to try and use their love languages on them and not your own which is what most of us do. Another way to show love is to serve which is our next topic. 4. Learn How to Serve Each Other in Secret Has your spouse ever served you in secret and then you found about it later? We always ask this trick question: When you serve your spouse do you serve to show them that you love them? That is what most of us do and it is the wrong motive. If you serve expecting a reward and then your spouse does not notice and you don't get a pat on the back, you usually end up getting your feelings hurt. We teach that you should serve in secret and look to Jesus for your reward and not your spouse. When we serve in this way, we are not looking for any reward from our spouse as we are just doing what we are commanded to do. In Mark10: 45 Jesus said: "Even the Son of Man did not come to be served but to serve and give His life for many". Then there is the classic example of Jesus washing the feet of the Apostles found in John 13:15 after which Jesus said: "Now that I your Lord and Teacher have washed your feet, you also should wash one another's feet." The key to serving is to understand that we are commanded to serve so that when we do serve our spouse it should not be to show THEM we love them but instead we serve in obedience to a command form God to show HIM we love them. Then HE rewards us beyond measure. Try it. Spend a week as a secret servant. 5. Leave and Cleave Think of that happy "just married" couple waving to everyone as they pull off from the wedding headed for their honeymoon. They are leaving everyone so they can cleave to one another. The problem is that many couples do not really leave for good but just for honeymoon. There are 3 places in the Bible that God gives us very clear instructions about this. In Genesis 2:24 God said: "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, and they will become one flesh" Jesus repeats the exact same thing in Matthew 19:4. We are amazed to find couples that have been married for years and have still not "left". When you say "home" and mean your parents…..you haven't left. Home is with your spouse. This is a 3-step process that must be followed in order. First you leave, then you cleave, and then you can become one flesh. When you marry your spouse you need to leave your parents, your friends, your old hobbies and habits, activities and anything that keeps you from cleaving to one another. Nothing other than God should be more important than your spouse. Balance is the key to success here. We do not teach that you should not associate or spend time with your parents or friends. It is a matter of where you place your priorities. Have you left "home" yet? 6. Role of Husband = Servant Leader/ Protector/ Provider Sometimes men do not understand what their role as a husband is. Sometimes wives do not allow their husbands to assume the role that God laid out for them. Either way the marriage suffers. Paul teaches us in his letter to the Ephesians 5:25 what the role of the husband is: "Husbands love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. In this same way husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies." Husbands are you doing that? You are responsible to protect your wife from the outside world, from impurity, from physical harm, and from anything that might damage your marriage. You are responsible to provide your wife with a safe place to live, a home that she can be comfortable in and raise a family in safety. You are responsible to work and supply the income needed for food, shelter, and clothing. You are responsible to protect your family from debt. God is holding you accountable and expects you to do what you were designed for. You have the role of a quarterback in calling the plays, but you are to listen to God the coach who ultimately calls the play. You are also responsible to make sure your wife is talking the coach as many times God likes to send plays in with the wife. 7. Role of Wife = Helper/ Team Player/ Nurturer In every single place a wife is mentioned in the Bible, she is portrayed as a "helper". In Genesis 2:18 it says: "The Lord God said it is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a HELPER suitable for him." A "helper" is one perfectly matched to make a team. Note that both players of this team are actively involved with the task at hand. Paul speaks to the wives in the same letter to the Ephesians 5:22-24: "Wives submit to your husband as to the Lord" Many women have a problem with this idea of submitting, but this is something between them and God. Husbands cannot make their wives submit, but if they love their wives the way God tells them to they should ALWAYS be looking out for the welfare of their wife and be willing to give their lives for them if necessary. Your job as a wife is to allow the man to assume his role the way God intended him to and you are to come along side as a helper. If you decide that you want to lead instead of follow you will be going against God's plan for a happy marriage. We did not write the rules. If you disagree, you will have to take that up with the one who made the rule. Please understand you are not to be a silent doormat or slave. A helper is a player just like a football game. You just can't be the quarterback. If your husband makes a decision that you feel is wrong, you are to voice your opinion but submit to his decision. This is an act of love and God will reward you for it and protect you from harm because you are being obedient. In 31 years of marriage Ruth and I have had very few situations where this ever came up. If steps 1 through 7 are being done correctly it should never be an issue. 8. Learn to Agree = Two people on the same team. It is a fact that you will have disagreements and when you do there are only 3 possible solutions. Either one of you will have to change your mind and go to the other's side, or you will both have to compromise and meet somewhere in the middle. If neither of these works, then you need to agree to take some time to pray……..Call time out in the huddle and talk to the coach. We always recommend that you read and even memorize 3 verses in Philippians chapter 2 verses 2, 3, and 4 when you are having a disagreement. Verse 2 says, “be like-minded having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose." This means to remember you are on the same team so what are you fighting each other about? Verses 3 and 4 tell you that you should: "Do NOTHING out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others." If you examine your motives, you may find that you are being selfish and wanting your own way. We teach that it is not your way and not your spouse's way, but God's way that you need to seek. If you are in disagreement, you should both ask God what HE wants you to do and "lean NOT unto your own understanding". In Amos 3:3 it says: "Can two walk together, except they be agreed?". Work hard to agree and when you disagree, stop and examine your motives. 9. Develop a Positive Response to Anger = Think of a temperature gauge on a car. What do you do when the temperature gauge shows hot? Would breaking the glass and grabbing the needle and pulling it back down work? Would we not have to stop the car and open the hood to try and determine the cause? When your spouse gets angry, be thankful for the information and work to find out what is wrong and deal with it. If anger is not dealt with, it will destroy a marriage. Anger is the #1 barrier to communication and agreement. Here are some steps to take: A. Confess your anger. In 1st John 1:9 it says: "If we confess our sins, He will forgive us and cleanse us from all unrighteousness". B. Restrain your response. In James 1:19 it says: "Be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger." C. Give up your right to be angry. In Ephesians 4:32 it says: "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another just as in Christ God forgave you." And finally D. Replace anger with love and forgiveness. If you just remove the anger and then do not replace with love and forgiveness you will just play the same record over again later. Go back and read Philippians 2: 2-4. Remember you are on the same team and you should do NOTHING from selfishness. Is your anger caused by selfishness? Pray for each other. In Luke 6:27-28 Jesus says: "Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you. Bless those who curse you, Pray for those who mistreat you." Ask forgiveness and kiss and make up……..see next step. 10. Sex and Romance We don't know what it is, but when people get married they have a tendency to get so busy that they forget to keep the romance going. They forget to keep dating one another. Men are off trying to build their career and sometimes forget their first love. Women are busy with running the house, taking care of kids and sometimes working and forget to fix up and do the things they did before they were married to win the affection of their man. Men, it is romantic to take the time and effort to plan a romantic evening just like you did when you were courting. Ladies be ready for your husband when he comes home. Both of you need to take notice and actively love each other. Sex was created by God to bring pleasure to both of you. Read Song of Solomon and 1st Corinthians 7: 1-5 to each other. Understand that God wants you to be sexual and romantic to each other. Wives do not deny sex to your husbands and cause them to sin. Keep your marriage bed pure at all costs. Remember Jesus said: "A new command I give you: love one another." He didn't say if you have time or if you feel like it. He said do it and you will be blessed. 11. Pray for Each Other…….Satan is a roaring lion seeking to destroy your marriage. You must both protect your marriage from affairs at all costs. Do not allow any private meetings with the opposite sex. Do not let yourself be drawn in to mental affairs in thought, pictures, or the Internet. No private lunches with the opposite sex. Do not make even the slightest provision for an affair. In 1st Peter 5:8 it says: "Be self controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour". The devil is cunning and will use every means at his disposal to try and break you up. It all started with Eve. The devil was cunning…..looked like no harm could be done….just a little bite. We see this all the time as a man and woman at work will just talk and try to help each other…..never planning on having an affair. You need to understand what you are dealing with and never give in to this type of temptation. The bible says that you should flee the devil…..Flee any type of encounter with the opposite sex. Think forward 15-20 years and picture yourself either alone in a retirement home or sitting on porch with the wife of your youth and 3 kids and 20 grand kids all around loving you. Is the future loneliness worth a short fling of self-indulgence? So pray for each other and hold each other accountable. Get a group of friends (same sex) to hold you accountable and pray with you. 12. Plan and make long-term goals with each other. Think of what you want 10-20 years out and start making plans now on how you are going to get where you want to be. Plan your time. There is so little of it, but if you plan to use it wisely you will be blessed. Plan your money, finances, and career (more on that below). Plan your retirement. How will you fund it? Plan your diet and exercise. What good is growing old together if you are in poor health? Plan for romance. Plan date nights and weekend trips to get away…..just the two of you. Take an entire day at least every New Year and pray about what God would have you do. Write out what He tells you and keep this in a journal so that each year you can see how He answers prayer. One of the verses we recommend you memorize is Jeremiah 33:3 which says: "Call to Me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know." Jeremiah 29:11 says: "For I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." and finally we would recommend you read the Prayer of Jabez by Bruce Wilkinson if you have not already. Pray this prayer. God wants to bless you just like you want to bless your children…..not with material things but with blessings that are eternal in nature. 13. Children = A Gift From God. The last 3 subjects are what we call "rain". Remember that fire you built back in step 3? Well "rain" falls and tries to put that fire out so you have to be aware of it and make provisions for it. Children, money and careers are just 3 of the most dominant. Anger, business, fatigue, debt, and all the things of the world in general are all what we consider "rain". Children are a gift from God and you need to understand what God expects you to do with this gift He gives you. Most people think that their goal with children is to make them happy, but God never says that. What He does say is that you are to: Love, Discipline, and Train them. The biggest child abuse of all is failing to do these 3 things and not keeping your relationship strong in lieu of trying to make your children happy. You are only going to have your children a few short years and your job during that short time is to raise up future husbands and wives that can do all the things we have been talking about. You need to start today with that goal in mind. Your children are watching you. Every principle above that we have talked about with you and your spouse also holds true as you love your children. You need to actively love them by spending time with them and using all of the love languages. You need to discipline them. Read Ephesians chapter 6 verses 1,2, and 3 to them which says: "Children obey your parents………that it may go well with you". Proverbs 12:1 says: "Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge but he who hates correction is stupid." We strongly suggest that you lovingly set guidelines and when those guidelines are not followed you discipline the child with a yardstick or "switch" in love…..not with your hand. You cannot hurt the child with something like this, but you will hurt them in later life if you do not discipline them. Proverbs 23:13 says: "Do not withhold discipline from a child. If you punish him with the rod, he will not die." Finally you are to train your children the best training is watching you. Be a good example. Think of what your children would say about you if they were telling a friend in private about their mom and dad. You will be amazed how fast the time goes by and one day they will pull out of the driveway as they pack up and "leave". Make good use of the little bit of time you have. You can play golf with the guys later. 14. Making Money an Asset to your Marriage. Again we always ask a trick question: "How many would have all your money problems solved if we could set you up to receive an extra $1000.00 tax free every month for the rest of your lives?" Most people raise their hands and say that would solve our problems. So why is it that we find the same money problems with couples who make $30,000 or $300,000? Our position is that it is not the amount of money you have that is the problem but your attitude toward money. Would you believe that almost 80% of couples argue over money and spending habits? Why is that and how could it be an asset instead of a problem? Money is just paper….gold trinkets. And yet Jesus knew it would be a problem. There are 3 times as many verses in the Bible addressing money than prayer. The Bible teaches that we should learn to be content with what God gives us and understands that He is in control and will supply all of our needs. We should trust in Him and not money. Read what Jesus says in Matthew chapter 6 verses 19-34. He tells us not to worry about what we will eat or drink and not to worry about storing up treasures on earth. In Luke 12:15 Jesus warns us of greed: "Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; a man's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions." In Hebrews chapter 13 verse 5 it says: "Keep your lives free from the love of money and learn to be content with what you have for God has said never will I leave you never will I forsake you." Money arguments are caused because you both come into marriage with different attitudes about how much money you should save, spend and give away. That is all that you can do with it. What you need to do is spend time talking about your attitudes toward money and why you feel that way. The goal is to come to a plan on how much you will save, spend, and give away together. This does not come automatically, but requires time and talk and prayer. The key is to not demand your way, but seek God's way. Make a plan to spend less than what you make over a long period of time. Avoid debt at all costs. Debt is the tool Satan uses to play on your selfishness and then cause problems in your marriage. Do not give him a foothold. If you are in debt, seek guidance from an older couple that has been there before. This is a big topic and if you are having money problems, we recommend Christian counseling. Contact someone at your church. 15. Careers….What do you want to do when you grow up? Why do we talk about this in a marriage class? Because you need to know how to deal with it as Sataan can use it as a tool to break up marriages. You need to understand the dangers of: Greed, Power, Pride, Unfaithfulness, and women being under another's authority. No, we do not recommend women have a career outside the home. We find nothing in the Bible that recommends that and it just started 100 years ago. Guess when the divorce rate started going up. Reports and surveys show as many as 80% of people around the world are discontent with their careers. What's the problem? Either they are not content where God has placed them or they are just OK with it but want to do something else. The secret is to seek Gods will and not yours. Read the story of Joseph in Genesis chapters 37 - 47. He went from slave to prisoner to house boy to king's assistant, but worked as unto the Lord in whatever position God put him in and God blessed him. Again this is something the two of you need to discuss and plan. If you are unhappy with your career, try and determine what about it is making you unhappy. Is it selfish ambition? Pride? Money? People? Go back through the planning principle and seek God's will together. Seek Godly council from the church and an older couple. The key to happiness is not to seek happiness but seek God's will. When you find yourself in the center of His will, He will bless you with happiness and the desires of your heart. I will end with a section from James chapter 1 verses 22-25 that says: "Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says……….and you will be blessed."

THE FUEL THAT KEEPS MARRIAGE RUNNING.

THE FUEL THAT KEEPS MARRIAGE RUNNING. In marriage, Love is the fuel that drives it and the married couple enjoys it. For a marriage to be successful, married couples must make a decision to love each other. Loving someone requires a sacrifice and that is the best gift you can give to your spouse. 1 Corinthians 13:3-7 New International Version (NIV) 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,[a] but do not have love, I gain nothing. 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love is the highest form of maturity. It often requires a sacrificial gift. If love doesn't require some sort of sacrifice on our part, we probably don't love the other person at all. If there is no sacrifice in our actions, we are most likely reacting to something nice they did for us, or simply pretending to be kind to gain some control over them. Love is almost always undeserved by the person who receives it. Our decisions should always have our spouse's interests in mind. Even a mediocre marriage requires sacrifice. It is important to understand that true love gives of itself. Sacrifice means you are not going to have your way all the time. This means both the husband and wife are called to love each other with unconditional love. There has to be sacrifice of selfish desires if a couple is going to enjoy a triumphant marriage. As for me, every day when I get up, I choose to have a good marriage. I'm not leaving that one for chance to decide!

Prayer Request.

Praise God my friends, I and the M.R.NU team request you stand with us in prayer for the coming marriage seminar in Tirinyi from the 29th August to 1st September. I request you pray for us because it is not news to say that the institution of marriage is in trouble. Everywhere we turn we see friends who have been married for many years walking away from their marriages. God's approach to marriage is largely dismissed in our culture. • People tell us that sexual purity before marriage is "impractical". • More and more couples are choosing to simply "live together" without any commitment before they get married. • Any suggestion that marriage is restricted to one man and one woman is met with cries that we are being "judgmental". (Though of course, it's not we who are judgmental . . . these are not our standards but God's.) Many people dismiss God's teaching regarding marriage as irrelevant simply because they don't think they like the teaching. We at Marriage Restoration Network Uganda believe that MARRIAGE IS MORE ABOUT GIVING THAN GETTING. It is about men and women SERVING EACH OTHER! If we focus on what the other is supposed to do for us we have missed the point. The emphasis is on what we GIVE to each other. In the Bible teachings about marriage, Ephesians 5:21 and following. Notice that Paul begins his instruction with these words, "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." The context of these commands is one of MUTUAL submission. The focus is on giving . . . not getting. Contrary to public opinion, the Biblical view of marriage is not one-sided. It is not about women becoming servants of men . . . . It is about two people working hard to give of themselves to enrich and encourage another. So friends, pray with us that the will of God be done in this seminar. Pray for the pastors who are traveling from different parts of the country and those who will be coming from Nairobi Kenya. Your brother in the Lord, Moses.

A Few Things Married Couples Should Do To Have A Good Lasting Marriage.

A Few Things Married Couples Should Do To Have A Good Lasting Marriage. God Must Be Involved in Your Marriage For a marriage to be happy and successful for life, the husband and wife must include God as a partner in their marriage. They must acknowledge God as Supreme in their lives and together yield to what God instructs in the Bible about marriage. The marriage will fail if it is based on self-gratification and pleasure. Is God really involved in marriage? Malachi 2:14 Yet you say, "For what reason?" Because the Lord has been witness between you and the wife of your youth, with whom you have dealt treacherously; yet she is your companion and your wife by covenant. Mark 10:7-9 "'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate." Marriage is a covenant that includes God! Many marriage ceremonies include words such as, "Do you faithfully promise and covenant with God, in the presence of these witnesses to take..." If we covenant with God, then this makes marriage on a far higher plane than simply agreeing to live together legally as husband and wife. It means we willingly submit to the role God must play in the marriage. We will live by His rules. What's the purpose of marriage? Ephesians 5:31-33 "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Ephesians 5 reveals how marriage is a type of the incredible love relationship between Jesus Christ and His Bride, the Church. No love could be greater! The Bible is the ultimate love story when understood in its overall concept and purpose. What is true love? 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails... Love isn't just a feeling of passionate desire for your lover and the unbearable thought of being apart. True love is based on outgoing concern for your partner. It's about self-sacrifice for the good of the one you love. In every marriage, things go wrong. What if the problem is not my fault? Proverbs 14:12 There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death. Philippians 2:3-5 Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others. Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus... Proverbs 15:1 A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. 1 Thessalonians 5:15 See that no one renders evil for evil to anyone, but always pursue what is good both for yourselves and for all. Over time, seemingly insignificant irritations can get blown out of proportion, and before long, couples say or do things that are offensive to each other. The result? Arguments, conflict and, all too often, shouting matches. It is often very difficult to see our own faults. We're always right in our own eyes, so we naturally place the blame on our partner. This mind-set started way back in the Garden of Eden when Adam blamed Eve, and Eve blamed the serpent (Genesis 3:12-13). But even if it really is not our fault, loudly insisting the other person take all the blame is not helpful. The optimal solution instead involves seeking peace, not revenge (Matthew 5:9; Romans 12:17-21). It involves seeking win-win strategies. The Bible shows that sometimes our good actions can, over time, win over our mate (1 Peter 3:1). Ideally, both partners will eventually work together to solve their problems. Well-known marriage counselor H. Norman Wright offers the following advice: "Some negative ways of dealing with conflict are withdrawing, winning, yielding, and compromising. The ideal way of dealing with conflict is by resolving the conflict. It may take longer, but the relationship is then strengthened and needs are met on both sides" What should we say to help heal our relationships? Psalm 51:1, 10 (New Living Translation) Have mercy on me, O God, because of your unfailing love. Because of your great compassion, blot out the stain of my sins... Create in me a clean heart, O God. Renew a right spirit within me. Ephesians 4:32 And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her... Titus 2:4 (New Living Translation) These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children. When we sin, first we must repent and become right with God. Then we can seek His help in restoring the relationship. In every marriage relationship, there are several phrases that can help heal the damage that has been done due to conflicts and arguments. Three key phrases are listed below. 1. "I'm sorry." Use this one often, and mean it! Tell your spouse you're sorry for saying or doing the thing that has upset him or her. Whether you were right or wrong, it doesn't matter; your actions have had a negative impact on the spouse you love, and you should apologize for that. 2. "I forgive you." Jesus Christ died to forgive us of our sins. His great sacrifice should motivate us to be willing to forgive others. 3. "I love you." When said sincerely, this declaration cannot be overused. We need to know we are loved by the person we love. This short, sincere phrase, backed by loving actions, can put to rest all of our negative feelings, hurts, resentments and faults and can melt the heart of the one hearing these three beautiful words. Can the Flame Burn Again? Some may feel like the romance and excitement is long gone in their marriage. They stay together for convenience or for the sake of the children or other family members. But, as the well-known song asks, "Where is the love?" Can my marriage really be happy? Proverbs 5:18-19 Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of your youth. As a loving deer and a graceful dove, let her breasts satisfy you at all times; and always be enraptured with her love. Ecclesiastes 9:9 Live joyfully with the wife whom you love all the days of your vain life which He has given you under the sun, all your days of vanity; for that is your portion in life, and in the labor which you perform under the sun. Yes, your marriage can be happy! The Bible reminds us that a wife is a blessing from God and tells husbands to "bring happiness" to their wives, starting from the first year of the marriage (Proverbs 18:22; Deuteronomy 24:5). To achieve happiness, it's important to keep the perspective that it's not "my" marriage but "our" marriage. The two of you are in this together and need to work together to bring life and energy back to the marriage if it has been lost. If you've been married a few years, find ways to rekindle the spark that led to your marriage in the first place. What attracted you to your spouse? Why did you get married? Try dating your spouse again! Beyond the romance, the marriage relationship should also be a close and growing friendship. Consider this excellent advice: "Enjoying your spouse as both friend and marriage partner will help override many marital disagreements, whether financial or social. Couples who remain in love almost inevitably must also be good friends. They will share the ups and downs that are common within the marriage relationship" Did I really mean "for better or worse"? As we saw in Malachi 2:14, marriage is a covenant. When we took our marriage vows, we probably repeated words like "for better or worse." Did we really mean it? No matter what the situation might be right now in your marriage, can't you work together to make it better? Do you have the option to give up if the situation has become "worse"? God says He "hates divorce" (Malachi 2:16), and His expectation is for you to be committed to your marriage for life. Paul also gave instructions to Church members not to divorce (1 Corinthians 7:10-11), and Jesus Christ gave narrow definition to the terrible circumstances that would allow for divorce and remarriage (Matthew 19:3-9). A helpful exercise to begin restoring the love in your marriage is to go back and watch a video of your wedding if you have it. Listen to the words the minister is saying. Say those vows to each other again. In difficult times when you have tried everything you know how to do, it can be helpful to seek wise counsel (Proverbs 4:7; 11:14). Healthy, mature people are not afraid to seek help when they need it. Can we learn to love again? Ephesians 5:22-28 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. As we are seeing, love is not to be confused with infatuation. Love is selfless concern for another. True love will build up the one you love, not tear him or her down. True love will want to give and serve the other, not take in selfish disregard for the desires of your spouse. A husband should treat his wife like his queen, and a wife should treat her husband as her "knight in shining armor"—as corny as that might sound. Or, as the apostle Paul wrote in Ephesians 5, we should treat each other as Christ and His Church do.

15 Basic Marriage Principle Marriage Couples Need To Know.

15 Basic Marriage Principles Married Couples Need to Know Overview Today's statistics on marriage are a little scary. Current studies show that 47% of all marriages end in Divorce. Numbers are no different between those who do and do not attend church. Most of the crime problems we have in the world today stem from the breakdown of the traditional values of the family. People used to get married and stay married. Kids used to have one set of parents their whole life. Today statistics show 1 in 3 children are born out of wedlock and more than half of the children in the world do not have a loving mom and dad to share their life with. Nobody goes into marriage thinking that it will end in divorce. It's like buying a new car. They all look and smell good when you take your first ride. So what's the problem? The Bible said there would be days like this. In the 1st chapter of Corinthians verse 21 Paul says: "….But those who marry will face many troubles in this life." To give us hope, in the 16th chapter of the Gospel of John verse 33, Jesus says: "I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have troubles, but take heart, I have overcome the world." Marriage is a union of two imperfect people coming together in a fallen and sinful world, both with good and bad traits, habits, sins, selfish desires…….both like sheep…gone astray and wanting to be happy. Paul says it's a formula for trouble. Jesus says even though you will have trouble, take heart because there is a solution. People study their profession for years. Engineers study between 4 to 7 years. Doctors study for 10 or more. It takes a plumber 6-10 years to perfect their trade. How many years did you study marriage before you decided to walk down the aisle? Could we have maybe hit on the solution? Most people do not know the basic principles God laid out for marriages to be successful. So what is that solution and how do we succeed? I and Pastor Jonathan and Pastor Patrick have been researching this subject for over 7 years. We all do marriage counseling along with our lovely wives of 31, 10, and 23 years and the following is a list of 15 basic principles that we think will make or break a marriage. These principles are aimed at two totally different sets of people. 1. Those who have never been married 2. Those are married and feel like the honeymoon is definitely over. In Mark chapter 4:34 there is a very interesting verse in the Bible. It says: “He (Jesus) did not say anything to them without using a parable." A parable is simply a word picture, analogy, or story that helps illustrate a principle. With this in mind I will use several analogies as I talk about the 15 principles below. 15 Principles 1. Listen to God…….the way football players listen to a coach.This is a key concept for all the other principles that follow. If you were going to be a football player, how would you prepare? You would LISTEN to the coach. You would spend time studying his instructions about what was involved in the game of football. I am amazed at how many times I ask people if they are having a daily quiet time with God and I usually get one of two answers: A. "Yes, I pray."(That's talking not listening) or B. "Yes I know I should but just don't do it all or the time." A few verses you might review: Psalm 37:4 says: "Delight yourself in the Lord and HE will give you the desires of your heart." If the desire of your heart is to have a happy marriage, perhaps you need to delight yourself in the Lord. How do you do that? Proverbs 3: 5-6 says: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean NOT to your own understanding. In ALL your ways acknowledge HIM and HE will make your paths straight." There are hundreds of verses plus an entire Psalm (119) devoted to this subject, but perhaps the most important is the verse found in John chapter 15 verse 5. We insist that the couples we council memorize this verse. John 15:5 "I am the vine, you are the branches. If a man (and woman) abides in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." Think of a grapevine (which is what he was referring to) when you read what Jesus is saying. How could a branch possibly survive if it was not a part of the vine? It could not! And yet we go our merry ways in life and marriage trying to make this relationship work without the author and King of all relationships. I spend every single morning reading God's word, thanking him for his teachings, my health, my wife, my children, etc., and then asking Him to show me how to love my wife and children as well as those He puts me in contact that day. I also ask him to order my day, as I, like you, never have enough time to do all that I have to do. I started this 10 years ago and it is the one thing I would recommend you do above all else. Actually if you get this part right, you can skip the next 14 principles as God will instruct you through this process. 2. Listen to your Spouse. You are taking your last course in college and you simply must pass to graduate. It's a big class. Where do you sit and what do you do? I would suggest that you would sit right in front of the professor and listen to him very intently, as you become a student of that subject with a goal in mind. That is the same intensity we try to train couples to use in their sharing time and we call it "Becoming a Student of your Spouse". Oneness is not automatic, but the result of shared experiences both good and bad. Think about it……How did the two of you fall in love in the first place? Didn't you share with one another for hours upon hours? For some reason we (especially men) forget this after we get married. The men usually clam up and especially do not talk about the bad things in their life and the women spend the little bit of time they can get from their husbands talking about the kids, the problems around the house. That is NOT what we are talking about here. Just like spending time with God, you also have to set a time aside in your busy day to spend quality time with each other sharing the way you feel. We have to train couples to do this in our counseling, as it does not come naturally. The verse we use is found in James chapter 1 verse 19: "Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger". It is an act of love to listen with eye to eye contact to what your spouse is sharing with you. Now that you know it, you will be blessed if you do this. One more thing…..mostly to the guys. When someone shares, do not try and tell them that they should not feel that way and do not try and tell them what to do the next time such and such happens. Just look at them, repeat what they said, and acknowledge that you understand. That's all you need to do. Sound easy? Try it. You will be amazed at how well it works if you can do it. 3. Learn How to Love Each Other Think of a fire that you start while camping. Falling in love was the spark that started your fire, but if you do not know how to continue to add fuel to your love fire it will go out just like that camp fire no matter how hot or big you get it. Most people do not really know what love is and many define love as a special feeling. True love is not a feeling but a decision to seek the welfare of the one whom is the object of your love. When the Jews asked Jesus what was the most important command was, He said it was to love God and love one another. In John 13:34 at the Last Supper He said: "A new command I give you: love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another." So love is actually a command that we receive from Jesus. He loved us unselfishly and finally gave His life for us and He says that is the way we should love one another. Not always looking to be loved, but instead we are to love one another unselfishly as He loved us. So how do we do that? You need to learn what your spouse's love languages are. There are five love languages that we talk about in our classes: Words, Actions, Time, Gifts, and Touch. Once you know which love languages works best for your spouse, you need to try and use their love languages on them and not your own which is what most of us do. Another way to show love is to serve which is our next topic. 4. Learn How to Serve Each Other in Secret Has your spouse ever served you in secret and then you found about it later? We always ask this trick question: When you serve your spouse do you serve to show them that you love them? That is what most of us do and it is the wrong motive. If you serve expecting a reward and then your spouse does not notice and you don't get a pat on the back, you usually end up getting your feelings hurt. We teach that you should serve in secret and look to Jesus for your reward and not your spouse. When we serve in this way, we are not looking for any reward from our spouse as we are just doing what we are commanded to do. In Mark10: 45 Jesus said: "Even the Son of Man did not come to be served but to serve and give His life for many". Then there is the classic example of Jesus washing the feet of the Apostles found in John 13:15 after which Jesus said: "Now that I your Lord and Teacher have washed your feet, you also should wash one another's feet." The key to serving is to understand that we are commanded to serve so that when we do serve our spouse it should not be to show THEM we love them but instead we serve in obedience to a command form God to show HIM we love them. Then HE rewards us beyond measure. Try it. Spend a week as a secret servant. 5. Leave and Cleave Think of that happy "just married" couple waving to everyone as they pull off from the wedding headed for their honeymoon. They are leaving everyone so they can cleave to one another. The problem is that many couples do not really leave for good but just for honeymoon. There are 3 places in the Bible that God gives us very clear instructions about this. In Genesis 2:24 God said: "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, and they will become one flesh" Jesus repeats the exact same thing in Matthew 19:4. We are amazed to find couples that have been married for years and have still not "left". When you say "home" and mean your parents…..you haven't left. Home is with your spouse. This is a 3-step process that must be followed in order. First you leave, then you cleave, and then you can become one flesh. When you marry your spouse you need to leave your parents, your friends, your old hobbies and habits, activities and anything that keeps you from cleaving to one another. Nothing other than God should be more important than your spouse. Balance is the key to success here. We do not teach that you should not associate or spend time with your parents or friends. It is a matter of where you place your priorities. Have you left "home" yet? 6. Role of Husband = Servant Leader/ Protector/ Provider Sometimes men do not understand what their role as a husband is. Sometimes wives do not allow their husbands to assume the role that God laid out for them. Either way the marriage suffers. Paul teaches us in his letter to the Ephesians 5:25 what the role of the husband is: "Husbands love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. In this same way husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies." Husbands are you doing that? You are responsible to protect your wife from the outside world, from impurity, from physical harm, and from anything that might damage your marriage. You are responsible to provide your wife with a safe place to live, a home that she can be comfortable in and raise a family in safety. You are responsible to work and supply the income needed for food, shelter, and clothing. You are responsible to protect your family from debt. God is holding you accountable and expects you to do what you were designed for. You have the role of a quarterback in calling the plays, but you are to listen to God the coach who ultimately calls the play. You are also responsible to make sure your wife is talking the coach as many times God likes to send plays in with the wife. 7. Role of Wife = Helper/ Team Player/ Nurturer In every single place a wife is mentioned in the Bible, she is portrayed as a "helper". In Genesis 2:18 it says: "The Lord God said it is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a HELPER suitable for him." A "helper" is one perfectly matched to make a team. Note that both players of this team are actively involved with the task at hand. Paul speaks to the wives in the same letter to the Ephesians 5:22-24: "Wives submit to your husband as to the Lord" Many women have a problem with this idea of submitting, but this is something between them and God. Husbands cannot make their wives submit, but if they love their wives the way God tells them to they should ALWAYS be looking out for the welfare of their wife and be willing to give their lives for them if necessary. Your job as a wife is to allow the man to assume his role the way God intended him to and you are to come along side as a helper. If you decide that you want to lead instead of follow you will be going against God's plan for a happy marriage. We did not write the rules. If you disagree, you will have to take that up with the one who made the rule. Please understand you are not to be a silent doormat or slave. A helper is a player just like a football game. You just can't be the quarterback. If your husband makes a decision that you feel is wrong, you are to voice your opinion but submit to his decision. This is an act of love and God will reward you for it and protect you from harm because you are being obedient. In 31 years of marriage Ruth and I have had very few situations where this ever came up. If steps 1 through 7 are being done correctly it should never be an issue. 8. Learn to Agree = Two people on the same team. It is a fact that you will have disagreements and when you do there are only 3 possible solutions. Either one of you will have to change your mind and go to the other's side, or you will both have to compromise and meet somewhere in the middle. If neither of these works, then you need to agree to take some time to pray……..Call time out in the huddle and talk to the coach. We always recommend that you read and even memorize 3 verses in Philippians chapter 2 verses 2, 3, and 4 when you are having a disagreement. Verse 2 says, “be like-minded having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose." This means to remember you are on the same team so what are you fighting each other about? Verses 3 and 4 tell you that you should: "Do NOTHING out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others." If you examine your motives, you may find that you are being selfish and wanting your own way. We teach that it is not your way and not your spouse's way, but God's way that you need to seek. If you are in disagreement, you should both ask God what HE wants you to do and "lean NOT unto your own understanding". In Amos 3:3 it says: "Can two walk together, except they be agreed?". Work hard to agree and when you disagree, stop and examine your motives. 9. Develop a Positive Response to Anger = Think of a temperature gauge on a car. What do you do when the temperature gauge shows hot? Would breaking the glass and grabbing the needle and pulling it back down work? Would we not have to stop the car and open the hood to try and determine the cause? When your spouse gets angry, be thankful for the information and work to find out what is wrong and deal with it. If anger is not dealt with, it will destroy a marriage. Anger is the #1 barrier to communication and agreement. Here are some steps to take: A. Confess your anger. In 1st John 1:9 it says: "If we confess our sins, He will forgive us and cleanse us from all unrighteousness". B. Restrain your response. In James 1:19 it says: "Be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger." C. Give up your right to be angry. In Ephesians 4:32 it says: "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another just as in Christ God forgave you." And finally D. Replace anger with love and forgiveness. If you just remove the anger and then do not replace with love and forgiveness you will just play the same record over again later. Go back and read Philippians 2: 2-4. Remember you are on the same team and you should do NOTHING from selfishness. Is your anger caused by selfishness? Pray for each other. In Luke 6:27-28 Jesus says: "Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you. Bless those who curse you, Pray for those who mistreat you." Ask forgiveness and kiss and make up……..see next step. 10. Sex and Romance We don't know what it is, but when people get married they have a tendency to get so busy that they forget to keep the romance going. They forget to keep dating one another. Men are off trying to build their career and sometimes forget their first love. Women are busy with running the house, taking care of kids and sometimes working and forget to fix up and do the things they did before they were married to win the affection of their man. Men, it is romantic to take the time and effort to plan a romantic evening just like you did when you were courting. Ladies be ready for your husband when he comes home. Both of you need to take notice and actively love each other. Sex was created by God to bring pleasure to both of you. Read Song of Solomon and 1st Corinthians 7: 1-5 to each other. Understand that God wants you to be sexual and romantic to each other. Wives do not deny sex to your husbands and cause them to sin. Keep your marriage bed pure at all costs. Remember Jesus said: "A new command I give you: love one another." He didn't say if you have time or if you feel like it. He said do it and you will be blessed. 11. Pray for Each Other…….Satan is a roaring lion seeking to destroy your marriage. You must both protect your marriage from affairs at all costs. Do not allow any private meetings with the opposite sex. Do not let yourself be drawn in to mental affairs in thought, pictures, or the Internet. No private lunches with the opposite sex. Do not make even the slightest provision for an affair. In 1st Peter 5:8 it says: "Be self controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour". The devil is cunning and will use every means at his disposal to try and break you up. It all started with Eve. The devil was cunning…..looked like no harm could be done….just a little bite. We see this all the time as a man and woman at work will just talk and try to help each other…..never planning on having an affair. You need to understand what you are dealing with and never give in to this type of temptation. The bible says that you should flee the devil…..Flee any type of encounter with the opposite sex. Think forward 15-20 years and picture yourself either alone in a retirement home or sitting on porch with the wife of your youth and 3 kids and 20 grand kids all around loving you. Is the future loneliness worth a short fling of self-indulgence? So pray for each other and hold each other accountable. Get a group of friends (same sex) to hold you accountable and pray with you. 12. Plan and make long-term goals with each other. Think of what you want 10-20 years out and start making plans now on how you are going to get where you want to be. Plan your time. There is so little of it, but if you plan to use it wisely you will be blessed. Plan your money, finances, and career (more on that below). Plan your retirement. How will you fund it? Plan your diet and exercise. What good is growing old together if you are in poor health? Plan for romance. Plan date nights and weekend trips to get away…..just the two of you. Take an entire day at least every New Year and pray about what God would have you do. Write out what He tells you and keep this in a journal so that each year you can see how He answers prayer. One of the verses we recommend you memorize is Jeremiah 33:3 which says: "Call to Me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know." Jeremiah 29:11 says: "For I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." and finally we would recommend you read the Prayer of Jabez by Bruce Wilkinson if you have not already. Pray this prayer. God wants to bless you just like you want to bless your children…..not with material things but with blessings that are eternal in nature. 13. Children = A Gift From God. The last 3 subjects are what we call "rain". Remember that fire you built back in step 3? Well "rain" falls and tries to put that fire out so you have to be aware of it and make provisions for it. Children, money and careers are just 3 of the most dominant. Anger, business, fatigue, debt, and all the things of the world in general are all what we consider "rain". Children are a gift from God and you need to understand what God expects you to do with this gift He gives you. Most people think that their goal with children is to make them happy, but God never says that. What He does say is that you are to: Love, Discipline, and Train them. The biggest child abuse of all is failing to do these 3 things and not keeping your relationship strong in lieu of trying to make your children happy. You are only going to have your children a few short years and your job during that short time is to raise up future husbands and wives that can do all the things we have been talking about. You need to start today with that goal in mind. Your children are watching you. Every principle above that we have talked about with you and your spouse also holds true as you love your children. You need to actively love them by spending time with them and using all of the love languages. You need to discipline them. Read Ephesians chapter 6 verses 1,2, and 3 to them which says: "Children obey your parents………that it may go well with you". Proverbs 12:1 says: "Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge but he who hates correction is stupid." We strongly suggest that you lovingly set guidelines and when those guidelines are not followed you discipline the child with a yardstick or "switch" in love…..not with your hand. You cannot hurt the child with something like this, but you will hurt them in later life if you do not discipline them. Proverbs 23:13 says: "Do not withhold discipline from a child. If you punish him with the rod, he will not die." Finally you are to train your children the best training is watching you. Be a good example. Think of what your children would say about you if they were telling a friend in private about their mom and dad. You will be amazed how fast the time goes by and one day they will pull out of the driveway as they pack up and "leave". Make good use of the little bit of time you have. You can play golf with the guys later. 14. Making Money an Asset to your Marriage. Again we always ask a trick question: "How many would have all your money problems solved if we could set you up to receive an extra $1000.00 tax free every month for the rest of your lives?" Most people raise their hands and say that would solve our problems. So why is it that we find the same money problems with couples who make $30,000 or $300,000? Our position is that it is not the amount of money you have that is the problem but your attitude toward money. Would you believe that almost 80% of couples argue over money and spending habits? Why is that and how could it be an asset instead of a problem? Money is just paper….gold trinkets. And yet Jesus knew it would be a problem. There are 3 times as many verses in the Bible addressing money than prayer. The Bible teaches that we should learn to be content with what God gives us and understands that He is in control and will supply all of our needs. We should trust in Him and not money. Read what Jesus says in Matthew chapter 6 verses 19-34. He tells us not to worry about what we will eat or drink and not to worry about storing up treasures on earth. In Luke 12:15 Jesus warns us of greed: "Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; a man's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions." In Hebrews chapter 13 verse 5 it says: "Keep your lives free from the love of money and learn to be content with what you have for God has said never will I leave you never will I forsake you." Money arguments are caused because you both come into marriage with different attitudes about how much money you should save, spend and give away. That is all that you can do with it. What you need to do is spend time talking about your attitudes toward money and why you feel that way. The goal is to come to a plan on how much you will save, spend, and give away together. This does not come automatically, but requires time and talk and prayer. The key is to not demand your way, but seek God's way. Make a plan to spend less than what you make over a long period of time. Avoid debt at all costs. Debt is the tool Satan uses to play on your selfishness and then cause problems in your marriage. Do not give him a foothold. If you are in debt, seek guidance from an older couple that has been there before. This is a big topic and if you are having money problems, we recommend Christian counseling. Contact someone at your church. 15. Careers….What do you want to do when you grow up? Why do we talk about this in a marriage class? Because you need to know how to deal with it as Sataan can use it as a tool to break up marriages. You need to understand the dangers of: Greed, Power, Pride, Unfaithfulness, and women being under another's authority. No, we do not recommend women have a career outside the home. We find nothing in the Bible that recommends that and it just started 100 years ago. Guess when the divorce rate started going up. Reports and surveys show as many as 80% of people around the world are discontent with their careers. What's the problem? Either they are not content where God has placed them or they are just OK with it but want to do something else. The secret is to seek Gods will and not yours. Read the story of Joseph in Genesis chapters 37 - 47. He went from slave to prisoner to house boy to king's assistant, but worked as unto the Lord in whatever position God put him in and God blessed him. Again this is something the two of you need to discuss and plan. If you are unhappy with your career, try and determine what about it is making you unhappy. Is it selfish ambition? Pride? Money? People? Go back through the planning principle and seek God's will together. Seek Godly council from the church and an older couple. The key to happiness is not to seek happiness but seek God's will. When you find yourself in the center of His will, He will bless you with happiness and the desires of your heart. I will end with a section from James chapter 1 verses 22-25 that says: "Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says……….and you will be blessed."

How Sin Affects Marriage

How Sin Affect Marriage and the Family Knowing the divine ideal for marriage, and aware that marriage and the family are divine institutions, we are now able to move from God's creation of man and woman and his institution of marriage to the Fall of humanity and its negative consequences on the marriage relationship. As a study of biblical history shows, humanity's rebellion against the Creator's purposes led to at least the following six negative consequences: (1) polygamy; (2) divorce; (3) adultery; (4) homosexuality; (5) sterility; and (6) gender role confusion. The first shortcoming, polygamy--more specifically, polygyny, marrying multiple wives--violates God's instituted pattern of marital monogamy. While it was certainly within God's prerogative and power to make more than one wife for the man, God only made Eve. Yet within six generations after the fall of humanity, barely after Adam had died, Lamech took two wives (Genesis 4:19). Later, prominent men in Israel’s history such as Abraham, Esau, Jacob, Gideon, Elkanah, David, Solomon, and others engaged in polygamy. However, not only did polygamous marriage fall short of God's original design, it regularly resulted in disruptive favoritism, jealousy between competing wives, and decline into idolatry. The second compromise of God's ideal for marriage was divorce, which disrupted the permanence of marriage. While divorce became so common that it had to be regulated in the Mosaic code (Deuteronomy 24:1-4), the Bible makes clear that God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16). Divorce is also used repeatedly as an analogy for spiritual apostasy (Isaiah 50:1; Jeremiah 3:8). A third shortcoming was adultery, the breaking of one's marriage vows. The Decalogue stipulates explicitly, "You shall not commit adultery" (Exodus 20:14; Deuteronomy 5:18). An egregious case of adultery was David's sin with Bathsheba (2 Samuel 11). In cases such as these, the principle of marital fidelity to one's marriage partner was compromised. The Book of Proverbs calls adultery both foolish and dangerous (e.g. Proverbs 2:16-19; 5:3-22; 6:32-33; 7:5-23; 9:13-18). In the Old Testament, adultery is frequently used as an analogy to depict the spiritual unfaithfulness of God's people Israel (Jeremiah 3:8-9; Ezekiel 16:32, 38; Hosea 1:1-3:5). Homosexuality , fourth, marks another falling away from God's creation purposes in that it violates the divine will for marriage to be between one man and one woman. As Genesis 2:24 stipulates, "A man [masculine] shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife [feminine], and the two shall become one flesh." Heterosexuality is the only possible arrangement for marriage, as the Creator has commanded and expects married couples to "be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth" (Genesis 1:28). Since homosexuality involves same-sex intercourse that cannot lead to procreation, it is unnatural and cannot logically entail the possibility of marriage. A fifth shortcoming of God's ideal for marriage is sterility, which falls short of the fertility desired by the Creator. Fertility is implicit in the biblical reference to the "one flesh" union. At times, lack of fertility is said in the Old Testament to be the result of personal sin (Genesis 20:17-18; 2 Samuel 6:23), while on other occasions sterility is presented as a simple fact of (fallen) nature (Genesis 11:30; 25:21; 30:1; 1 Samuel 1:2). However, God is often shown to answer prayers for fertility offered by his people in faith (e.g. 1 Samuel 1:9-20). Gender role confusion is a sixth and final result of humanity's rebellion against the Creator. Where God's design for man and woman to be distinct yet complementary partners in procreation and stewardship of God's earth is diluted, people will inexorably be confused about what it means to be masculine or feminine, and the lines between the two sexes made by God will increasingly be blurred. Despite the above-mentioned ways in which God's original design for marriage and the family was compromised, however, the Bible in the Old Testament continues to extol the virtues of the excellent wife (Proverbs 31:10-31) and to celebrate the beauty of sex in marriage (Song of Solomon). The Restoration of God's Original Design for Marriage and the Family in Christ The New Testament teaches that the restoration of God's original design for marriage in Christ is part of God's realignment of all things under Christ's authority and lordship. In the book of Ephesians, we read that it is God's purpose "to bring all things in heaven and on earth together under one head, even Christ" (Ephesians 1:10, NIV). Thus marriage is not an end in itself but part of God's end-time restoration of all things in the person of Jesus Christ. Part of this restoration is that all evil powers are brought under control and are submitted to the supreme authority of Christ (Ephesians 1:21-22). Later on in the same letter, Paul addresses the subject of marriage in general, and marital roles in particular, within the larger context of believers needing to be filled with the Holy Spirit (Ephesians 5:18). What is the biblical pattern for marriage? This is best seen in a close study of the pre-eminent passage on marital roles in the New Testament, Ephesians 5:21-33. In this passage, instructions are given to both husbands and wives in form of a "house table," which features commands given first to the person under authority followed by instructions for the person in a position of authority. In keeping with this pattern, the passage addresses first wives, then husbands (Ephesians 5:22-33); first children, then parents (Ephesians 6:1-4); and first slaves, and then masters (Ephesians 6:5-9; similar "house tables" are also found in Colossians 3:18-4:1 and 1 Peter 2:11-3:7). Wives, for their part, are called to submit to their own husbands, as to the Lord. As the church submits to Christ, so wives should to their husbands in everything (Ephesians 5:21-24). Husbands, in turn, are to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. They are to provide for their wives both physically and spiritually and to cherish them as God's special provision for them (Ephesians 5:25-30). As Christian husbands and wives live out these marital roles, God's original creation design for marriage will be fulfilled once again: "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh" (Ephesians 5:31, citing Genesis 2:24). As mentioned, this pattern of headship and submission is placed within the larger context of Christ's headship over all other powers, which Paul addressed at the beginning of his letter to the Ephesians (see Ephesians 1:10, 20-23). Paul returns to this subject at the end of his epistle where he urges all Christians--including husbands and wives, parents and children--to put on the "whole armor of God" so they can stand against the devil (Ephesians 6:10; for the various pieces in this spiritual "armor," see Ephesians 6:14-18). In this warfare, believers' struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the evil supernatural (Ephesians 6:12). Armed with truth, righteousness, the gospel, faith, salvation, and God's word, they will be able to stand firm and resist the devil "in the evil day" (Ephesians 6:13). The reality of the power of Satan and his forces explains at least in part why there is so much conflict in many marriages and families today. It also helps account for the widespread nature of divorce and the massive assault on marriage as an institution in our contemporary culture.

How Sin Affects Marriage and the Family.

How Sin Affect Marriage and the Family Knowing the divine ideal for marriage, and aware that marriage and the family are divine institutions, we are now able to move from God's creation of man and woman and his institution of marriage to the Fall of humanity and its negative consequences on the marriage relationship. As a study of biblical history shows, humanity's rebellion against the Creator's purposes led to at least the following six negative consequences: (1) polygamy; (2) divorce; (3) adultery; (4) homosexuality; (5) sterility; and (6) gender role confusion. The first shortcoming, polygamy--more specifically, polygyny, marrying multiple wives--violates God's instituted pattern of marital monogamy. While it was certainly within God's prerogative and power to make more than one wife for the man, God only made Eve. Yet within six generations after the fall of humanity, barely after Adam had died, Lamech took two wives (Genesis 4:19). Later, prominent men in Israel’s history such as Abraham, Esau, Jacob, Gideon, Elkanah, David, Solomon, and others engaged in polygamy. However, not only did polygamous marriage fall short of God's original design, it regularly resulted in disruptive favoritism, jealousy between competing wives, and decline into idolatry. The second compromise of God's ideal for marriage was divorce, which disrupted the permanence of marriage. While divorce became so common that it had to be regulated in the Mosaic code (Deuteronomy 24:1-4), the Bible makes clear that God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16). Divorce is also used repeatedly as an analogy for spiritual apostasy (Isaiah 50:1; Jeremiah 3:8). A third shortcoming was adultery, the breaking of one's marriage vows. The Decalogue stipulates explicitly, "You shall not commit adultery" (Exodus 20:14; Deuteronomy 5:18). An egregious case of adultery was David's sin with Bathsheba (2 Samuel 11). In cases such as these, the principle of marital fidelity to one's marriage partner was compromised. The Book of Proverbs calls adultery both foolish and dangerous (e.g. Proverbs 2:16-19; 5:3-22; 6:32-33; 7:5-23; 9:13-18). In the Old Testament, adultery is frequently used as an analogy to depict the spiritual unfaithfulness of God's people Israel (Jeremiah 3:8-9; Ezekiel 16:32, 38; Hosea 1:1-3:5). Homosexuality , fourth, marks another falling away from God's creation purposes in that it violates the divine will for marriage to be between one man and one woman. As Genesis 2:24 stipulates, "A man [masculine] shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife [feminine], and the two shall become one flesh." Heterosexuality is the only possible arrangement for marriage, as the Creator has commanded and expects married couples to "be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth" (Genesis 1:28). Since homosexuality involves same-sex intercourse that cannot lead to procreation, it is unnatural and cannot logically entail the possibility of marriage. A fifth shortcoming of God's ideal for marriage is sterility, which falls short of the fertility desired by the Creator. Fertility is implicit in the biblical reference to the "one flesh" union. At times, lack of fertility is said in the Old Testament to be the result of personal sin (Genesis 20:17-18; 2 Samuel 6:23), while on other occasions sterility is presented as a simple fact of (fallen) nature (Genesis 11:30; 25:21; 30:1; 1 Samuel 1:2). However, God is often shown to answer prayers for fertility offered by his people in faith (e.g. 1 Samuel 1:9-20). Gender role confusion is a sixth and final result of humanity's rebellion against the Creator. Where God's design for man and woman to be distinct yet complementary partners in procreation and stewardship of God's earth is diluted, people will inexorably be confused about what it means to be masculine or feminine, and the lines between the two sexes made by God will increasingly be blurred. Despite the above-mentioned ways in which God's original design for marriage and the family was compromised, however, the Bible in the Old Testament continues to extol the virtues of the excellent wife (Proverbs 31:10-31) and to celebrate the beauty of sex in marriage (Song of Solomon). The Restoration of God's Original Design for Marriage and the Family in Christ The New Testament teaches that the restoration of God's original design for marriage in Christ is part of God's realignment of all things under Christ's authority and lordship. In the book of Ephesians, we read that it is God's purpose "to bring all things in heaven and on earth together under one head, even Christ" (Ephesians 1:10, NIV). Thus marriage is not an end in itself but part of God's end-time restoration of all things in the person of Jesus Christ. Part of this restoration is that all evil powers are brought under control and are submitted to the supreme authority of Christ (Ephesians 1:21-22). Later on in the same letter, Paul addresses the subject of marriage in general, and marital roles in particular, within the larger context of believers needing to be filled with the Holy Spirit (Ephesians 5:18). What is the biblical pattern for marriage? This is best seen in a close study of the pre-eminent passage on marital roles in the New Testament, Ephesians 5:21-33. In this passage, instructions are given to both husbands and wives in form of a "house table," which features commands given first to the person under authority followed by instructions for the person in a position of authority. In keeping with this pattern, the passage addresses first wives, then husbands (Ephesians 5:22-33); first children, then parents (Ephesians 6:1-4); and first slaves, and then masters (Ephesians 6:5-9; similar "house tables" are also found in Colossians 3:18-4:1 and 1 Peter 2:11-3:7). Wives, for their part, are called to submit to their own husbands, as to the Lord. As the church submits to Christ, so wives should to their husbands in everything (Ephesians 5:21-24). Husbands, in turn, are to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. They are to provide for their wives both physically and spiritually and to cherish them as God's special provision for them (Ephesians 5:25-30). As Christian husbands and wives live out these marital roles, God's original creation design for marriage will be fulfilled once again: "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh" (Ephesians 5:31, citing Genesis 2:24). As mentioned, this pattern of headship and submission is placed within the larger context of Christ's headship over all other powers, which Paul addressed at the beginning of his letter to the Ephesians (see Ephesians 1:10, 20-23). Paul returns to this subject at the end of his epistle where he urges all Christians--including husbands and wives, parents and children--to put on the "whole armor of God" so they can stand against the devil (Ephesians 6:10; for the various pieces in this spiritual "armor," see Ephesians 6:14-18). In this warfare, believers' struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the evil supernatural (Ephesians 6:12). Armed with truth, righteousness, the gospel, faith, salvation, and God's word, they will be able to stand firm and resist the devil "in the evil day" (Ephesians 6:13). The reality of the power of Satan and his forces explains at least in part why there is so much conflict in many marriages and families today. It also helps account for the widespread nature of divorce and the massive assault on marriage as an institution in our contemporary culture.

Is Marriage; a Contract Or Covenant?

Is Marriage: Contract or Covenant? Today, marriage and the family are regularly viewed as social conventions that can be entered into and severed by the marital partners at will. As long as a given marriage relationship meets the needs of both individuals involved and is considered advantageous by both sides, the marriage is worth sustaining. If one or both partners decide that they will be better off by breaking up the marriage and entering into a new, better marital union, nothing can legitimately keep them from pursuing their self-interest, self-realization, and self-fulfillment. To be sure, there is talk about the cost of divorce and the toll exerted on the children caught up in the marital separation of their parents, but even such a toll is considered to be worth paying in order to safeguard the most cherished principles of our independent-minded, freedom-worshipping, individual rights-exalting culture. If one or both marriage partners want to get out of the marriage, nothing should hold them back, or else the culture's supreme values--individual choice and libertarian freedom--are not given their due. By contrast, the Bible makes clear that, at the root, marriage and the family are not human conventions based merely on a temporary consensus and time-honored tradition. Instead, Scripture teaches that family was God's idea and that marriage is a divine, not merely human, institution. The implication of this truth is significant indeed, for this means that humans are not free to renegotiate or redefine marriage and the family in any way they choose but that they are called to preserve and respect what has been divinely instituted. This is in keeping with Jesus' words, uttered when his contemporaries asked him about the permissibility of divorce: "What therefore God has joined together let not man separate" (Matthew 19:6). For this reason, marriage is far more than a human social contract; it is a divinely instituted covenant. But what is a "covenant"? In essence, a covenant is a contract between two parties that is established before God as a witness, a contract whose permanence is ultimately safeguarded by none other than God himself. In this sense, marriage is a covenant: it is entered into by the husband and the wife before God as a witness. Because it is ultimately God who has joined the marriage partners together, the husband and the wife vow to each other abiding loyalty and fidelity "till death do us part." Rightly understood, therefore, a marriage entered into before God involves three persons: a husband, a wife, and God. For this reason, it is not self-interest, human advantage, or an unfettered commitment to personal freedom that governs the marriage relationship, but the husband and wife's joint commitment to conduct their marriage based on God's design and sovereign plan. What Is Marriage? Marriage is a covenant, a sacred bond between a man and a woman instituted by and publicly entered into before God and normally consummated by sexual intercourse. God's plan for the marriage covenant involves at least the following five vital principles: (1) The permanence of marriage: Marriage is intended to be permanent, since it was established by God (Matthew 19:6; Mark 10:9). Marriage represents a serious commitment that should not be entered into lightly or unadvisedly. It involves a solemn promise or pledge, not merely to one's marriage partner, but before God. Divorce is not permitted except in a very limited number of biblically prescribed circumstances (2) The sacredness of marriage: Marriage is not merely a human agreement between two consenting individuals (a "civil union"); it is a relationship before and under God (Genesis 2:22). Hence, a "same-sex marriage" is an oxymoron, a contradiction in terms. Since Scripture universally condemns homosexual relationships (see further under Homosexuality below) God will never sanction a marital bond between two members of the same sex. (3) The intimacy of marriage: Marriage is the most intimate of all human relationships, uniting a man and a woman in a "one-flesh" union (Genesis 2:23 -25). Marriage involves "leaving" one's family of origin and "being united" to one's spouse, which signifies the establishment of a new family unit distinct from the two originating families. While "one flesh" suggests sexual intercourse and normally procreation, at its very heart the concept entails the establishment of a new kinship relationship between two previously unrelated individuals (and families) by the most intimate of human bonds. (4) The mutuality of marriage: Marriage is a relationship of free self-giving of one human being to another (Ephesians 5:25-30). The marriage partners are to be first and foremost concerned about the wellbeing of the other person and to be committed to each other in steadfast love and devotion. This involves the need for forgiveness and restoration of the relationship in the case of sin. Mutuality, however, does not mean sameness in role. Scripture is clear that wives are to submit to their husbands and to serve as their "suitable helpers," while husbands are to bear the ultimate responsibility for the marriage before God (Ephesians 5:22-24; Colossians 3:18; see also Genesis 2:18, 20). (5) The exclusiveness of marriage: Marriage is not only permanent, sacred, intimate, and mutual; it is also exclusive (Genesis 2:22-25; 1 Corinthians 7:2-5). This means that no other human relationship must interfere with the marriage commitment between husband and wife. For this reason, Jesus treated sexual immorality of a married person, including even a husband's lustful thoughts, with utmost seriousness (Matthew 5:28; 19:9). For the same reason, premarital sex is also illegitimate, since it violates the exclusive claims of one's future spouse. As the Song of Solomon makes clear, only in the secure context of an exclusive marital bond can free and complete giving of oneself in marriage take place.

Marriage And The Current Cultural Crisis

Marriage and the Current Cultural Crisis Incredible as it may seem, we can no longer assume that people in our culture understand what the proper definition of "marriage" and "the family" is. Not only is this a sad commentary on the impact of same-sex marriage activists on our society, it also shows how the culture's memory of the biblical tradition on which it is largely based is fading fast. What is marriage, biblically defined? And what is the biblical definition of a family? In this brief treatise on marriage and the family, we will take up these questions and proceed to discuss a number of related matters, such as singleness, divorce and remarriage, and homosexuality, in an effort to develop a full-orbed understanding of the biblical teaching on the subject. As I have sought to demonstrate at some length in my book God, Marriage, and the Family: Rebuilding the Biblical Foundation, marriage and the family are institutions under siege today, and only a return to the biblical foundation of these God-given institutions will reverse the decline of marriage and the family in our culture today. What Is the Family? The Bible defines "family" in a narrow sense as the union of one man and one woman in matrimony which is normally blessed with one or several natural or adopted children. In a broad sense, this family also includes any other persons related by blood (the extended family). In the book of Genesis, we read that God in the beginning created first a man (Adam) to exercise dominion over his creation and subsequently a woman (Eve) as the man's "suitable helper" (Genesis 2:18, 20). Then, the inspired writer remarks, "Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh" (Genesis 2:24 ESV). This verse sets forth the biblical pattern as it was instituted by God at the beginning: one man is united to one woman in matrimony, and the two form one new natural family. In this regard, "become one flesh" not only refers to the establishment of one new family but also to the husband and wife's sexual union leading to the procreation of offspring. This, in turn, is in keeping with God's original command to the first human couple to "be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it and have dominion" over all of creation (Genesis 1:28). These aspects of marriage--the complementarity of male and female, and the irreplaceable role of male-female relations in reproducing the human race--are part of the original order of creation, and are evident to all human beings from the enduring order of nature. These common elements of marriage are at the heart of our civil laws defining and regulating marriage. Therefore, people of all cultures and religions--including those who lack faith in God, Christ, or the Bible--are capable of participating in the institution of marriage. However, we who are Christians believe that the fullest understanding of God's will for marriage can be derived from a careful examination of scriptural teachings. It is incumbent upon the church to educate both itself and the larger culture regarding the full breadth and depth of God's intentions for marriage.

OVERCOMING TEMPTATION THAT CAN DESTROY A MARRIAGE

Overcoming temptations that can destroy a marriage. Marriage is being attacked right and left by the devil with his lies. Many couples seem to have fallen prey to his schemes by believing whatever lies he tells them. For the marriage institution to stand married couple must do one thing and that is waking up and fight him. James 4:7 King James Version (KJV) 7 Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. If married couples can resist the devil, it will hard for the marriage to break. In our work with couples we see a fairly equal number of men and women who yield to temptation and throw their marriage and all that they once held dear in jeopardy. We are no strangers to the perils of yielding to temptation or its consequences. That’s why we work so diligently to urge you not to take your marriage for granted, but to proactively BUILD your marriage. One of the key motivators that make temptation of any kind so appealing is a sense of entitlement. Satan used this tactic in the Garden of Eden with Eve when he appealed to her “right” to eat the fruit that God denied. “God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” (Genesis 3:5) He implied that she was entitled to know good and evil and God was holding out on her. Satan used the same appeal with Jesus. “IF you are the Son of God, tell this stone to become bread.” (Luke 4:3) In other words, Jesus was entitled to have bread and enjoy it after forty days of not eating anything. The devil isn’t creative in his approach. He does the same with us today. • “Your spouse has been holding out on you. You’re entitled to some porn—you need the sexual release. At least you aren't with someone else.” • “Your spouse hasn’t been loving or kind, have they? They’re always angry. You deserve to be in a casual relationship where you can be affirmed and hugged.” • “Your loneliness is going to suffocate you. Having a close friend of the opposite sex will help you endure your marriage.” • “Your spouse doesn’t even know you or understand you. You need someone who is really a soul-mate.” Men and women, these are all lies from the enemy. He wants to divert you from God’s plan by holding out an appealing deception. His desire is to destroy your marriage and neutralize your effectiveness for Christ—as well as your legacy you are building for your children. Think of it this way: if Satan is working to draw you away from your spouse, then you need to fight all the harder to draw NEAR to your spouse and to Jesus. If you have been yielding to temptation, don’t rationalize or try to figure out a “good timing” to stop, there isn’t one. Stop now. End the porn/relationship/flirting immediately and leave the other person in God’s hands. You belong to Jesus and your spouse only. When the temptation comes roaring back into your mind, maybe all you can do is say the name of Jesus out loud over and over until there is release and victory. God’s promise is true: “Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.” As you do, you will experience God’s peace and blessing in your life and you will be taking proactive steps to build Your Marriage. Let us not succumb to Stan’s lies but always be alert to his tricks.