How We Keep Our Boat Afloat

Hello friends in Christ Jesus, as I and Ruth celebrate 29 years of our marriage, I would like to share a few principles that has helped us steer our marriage boat through the troubled waters of this world. Marriage is hard work and it calls for a lot of strength to make it work. Always remember marriage is the only institution you enter and never stop learning and never graduate until you die. Most of the time marriage fails because we fail to look at ourselves but focus more on what our spouses has failed to fulfill. The Scriptures says that the relationship with our spouse is to include love, respect, understanding, honor, harmony, sympathetic kindness, etc. (1 Peter 3:1-9; Ephesians 5:22-33; Colossians 3:18, 19). So before you focus on your spouse, are you loving, respectful, understanding, kind, sympathetic etc? Let us look at the principles; 1 Do not nag your spouse. A constant drip (or steam) of criticism and nagging of your spouse will certainly make for a miserable, tension filled marriage. It will grow contempt, anger, and resentment in both your hearts. A happy marriage is not filled with negativity. Criticism leads to contempt, and then to blaming the other for anything and everything. The next step is refusing to speak. Finally, there is misery – and the result maybe separation and divorce. 2 Always encourage your spouse. A happy marriage involves genuine encouragement and appreciation for your spouse. This principle of a happy marriage is the medicine to cure criticism and nagging. If you don’t feel like encouraging your spouse, start by just saying the words and putting a smile on your face. You will be amazed at the response, and after awhile it will become natural for you. 3 There must be enjoyment. The wise man said, “Rejoice in the wife of your youth” (Proverbs 5:18). This verse is in the context of sex, but you can enjoy your spouse in every way – just like they are. Your spouse is who they are, their personality is set. Do not try to remake or change your spouse into something other than what God has designed them to be. But do help them grow in their Christian faith and help them fulfill God’s purposes on their lives. Let God work in their lives, and give them freedom to grow in God’s timing and power. Whatever you do, don’t marry someone with the idea of changing them after you have married them. That will not make for a happy marriage. 4 Be a happy person. Ephesians 5:22-33 deals with Christian marriage. However, the passage starts in verse 18. There it says to be filled with the Holy Spirit, which results in a thankful, nice, happy, humble heart attitude. Being a sad and miserable person does not encourage a happy marriage. People don’t like to be around unhappy, negative, gripping people. Be a happy and kind person, pleasant in your attitude to them. 5 Love our spouse. Love your spouse, cherish, and respect them. Forgive them, and don’t hold resentment and grudges against them. Look for the good in your spouse, don’t focus on their faults. Look out for their best interests. Defend them. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 explains how to love. 6 Give your spouse attention. Notice and appreciate the little things your spouse does. Don’t be lost in your world and ignore them. It takes time and effort to develop a happy marriage. You must notice and take their interests into consideration. Paul wrote, “but the one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how he may please his wife, and his interests are divided” (1 Corinthians 7:33, 34). Someone once said “your wife’s heart is like a campfire. If you don’t tend to it regularly, it will go cold.” the wife should also do the same. 7 Always be courteous, kind and patient. Often when we are courting our spouse we are one type of person. We put our best foot forward, say kindly sweet things, and are patient and tolerant of things that may irritate. Sadly, when the honeymoon is over, we forget these characteristics. We think that now that we got them, we can act our own way. Irritation, indifference, impoliteness, and rudeness can become a way of life. A happy marriage is a courteous relationship. 8 Always include your spouse Include your spouse in your dreams and life. Don’t shut them out of your world. Genuinely be interested in their dreams, desires, goals, and life. Help them fulfill God’s design and purpose for their lives. Don’t mock or ridicule their hopes and dreams, but listen, share, and celebrate their world. Sometimes it is just a matter of sitting down and talking with and listening to each other – getting reacquainted. 9 Sex This is an important issue. Paul wrote, “But because of immoralities, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. Let the husband fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband…Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again lest Satan tempt you because of your lack of self-control” (1 Corinthians 7:2, 3, 5). Talk with each other on how to make the experience satisfactory for both. Husbands should not be selfish and think only of their own pleasure. Most of all, if you want to keep your marriage intact, don’t cheat on your spouse. That is sin. When cheating happens, trust leaves, and rarely does it return. 10 Always see that your spouse is important and special. Consider and treat your spouse as the most special and important person in your life. Some say that a person’s most important need is to feel special and important. Tell your spouse such, and by your actions demonstrate how important they are to you. Reassure them often. Treat your spouse the same way as when you were courting them. These are some of the things that have kept us afloat on the journey of marriage. I know you have wonderful and better marriages than mine but maybe to remind ourselves in this journey. May the good Lord bless you as you steer the marriage boat in the mighty name of Jesus. Be blessed. Your brother, Moses.